Tag Archives: mental health

May20

Bikini Body

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Bikini Body

Hello!! Summer is about to bring the Hot Hot Heat (Who remembers that band?! LOVED them!) and with that comes a total wardrobe change. The layers are shed, long sleeve tops are traded for Ts and tanks, and jeans shorten into… shorts lol. For some, this is as natural as the seasons changing. For others, it can be a nerve wracking exercise in dressing for the weather and feeling comfortable about it. In this situation, I fluctuate from oozing a godlike charisma to wanting to hole up in a closet to wallow in poor self esteem and never come out.

If you are a long term reader of lifewithlilred, you will know that I detest dressing for summer. Part of it is simply aesthetics. I just love fall clothing – cozy cardis, gorgeous jackets, and all the accessories like scarves, gloves, and beanies. I wear these layers for looks, of course, but they provide an extra layer of protection as well. I don’t mind showing skin but it’s never high up on my agenda when I’m styling an OOTD. So when the transition happens to wearing shorts, crop tops, and tanks out of sheer necessity for the weather, that layered security blanket is tossed to the side and worry sets in. “Do my breasts look too big?” “How many rude comments on my tattoos am I going to get today?” “Is someone going to pull the old ‘grab my arm’ to get a closer look at said tattoos?” (The latter happens more than you would think!)

Like I said, to some people dressing for summer is whatever. For others, it is anything but. And, whatever that reason might be for a lack of self confidence in dress, rest assured that it will weigh heavily on the person who carries that burden. As everyone begins to don warm weather clothing, I always like to give a friendly reminder: What people wear is none of your business. Unwarranted comments on body type or clothing can do more damage than you could ever imagine and it stings even harder when it’s from a complete stranger. So ask yourself a question: Do I really want to ruin someone’s day with a comment? And, do I really want someone to ruminate on that comment for forever? Unless you plan on singing someone’s praises, the best rule of thumb is to say nothing and if you don’t like what you see, look away.

I will always be a recovering bulimic and I can give you exact moments in time when comments on my body were made that destroyed me. It could have happened years ago but in my head, it happened just yesterday. Every single person that you encounter is struggling in some way shape or form. So again, before you make a comment on body type or dress, ask yourself a question: Do I really want to make what that person is going through even worse? Every body is beautiful and should be celebrated. And, as the old saying goes: If you don’t have anything nice to say – don’t say it!

One of my favorite quotes via social media is that “Every body is a bikini body” and wiser words have never been spoken or typed. This summer, let’s dress for us and feel amazing about it because when you feel like the star you are – no one can tell you NOTHING!!

What is your favorite season to dress for? What is your least favorite season to dress for? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Apr12

An Update For You

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An Update For You

Hello!! I have been eluding to a big life change for the past few weeks and am finally ready to spill. While I am not going to go into detail, I will say that I have stepped down from my previous job in social media. This honestly wasn’t a difficult decision to make because my mental health was on a shockingly fast downward spiral and I kid you not everyone close to me noticed. As is my way, I tried to put on a brave face and power through but I literally couldn’t do it anymore and I have no shame in admitting that.

Since making the best choice for me, I feel absolutely spectacular and I don’t think I realized how depressed I actually was. The following day, I felt like me for the first time in a long while and it was so nice to be reunited with my old self. In fact, I almost forgot that I used to be smiling nonstop, happy go lucky, and living my best life every single day. I’m not going to lie, it felt incredibly foreign to be flooded with joy to simply start my day and I needed to shake the cobwebs off. Rather than shy away from this intense sensation of happiness, I embraced it like an old friend. I cannot describe to all of you how good it feels to feel good again.

The moral of the story is that you do know what’s best for you and it’s up to you and you alone to make the best decisions for yourself. In my situation, I listened to everyone but me and I regret that wholeheartedly. I knew I wasn’t happy, I ignored it, and followed the encouragement to keep going. All that did was put myself in a horrible position that could have been completely avoided had I went with my gut. The OTHER moral of the story is that your instincts are spot on so don’t sweep them under the rug like I did. This isn’t me throwing myself a pity party, rather, sharing a cautionary tale. And, I am pleased to report that this tale did have a happy ending!

Shameless Plug but hit me up if you are looking for a Social Media Manager!!

Have you ever had a situation similar to mine? How did it turn out? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Mar28

The Best Dress OOTD Bloopers

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The Best Dress OOTD Bloopers

Hello everyone and welcome to the Blooper Reel from my Best Dress OOTD! In case you haven’t noticed, I have had a lot of fun creating content as of late and it is a very nice place to be. One of my goals at the beginning of the year was to shoot at least one OOTD per week. I was doing excellent for months, until I wasn’t. Honestly, I was really depressed for the past several weeks and it made it hard to do much of anything once the weekend rolled around. I am feeling much better now (I promise, I’ll explain eventually!) and it has been a gift to step back into the content game bright eyed and bushy tailed. Even when the content isn’t all that great:

Always Tripping: A Memoir by Me

Dear Diary, Mood: Apathetic (Please someone tell me they got that reference!)

No, I did not just eat a lemon before taking this picture

Also no, I have no idea what I was looking at that excited me so much

I’ve never seen Titanic but I think I’m doing a pretty good job of recreating the one boat scene lol

STILL Tripping: A Memoir by Me

You know, I don’t think I realized how depressed I was in the situation I was in. Now that I am out of it, I can scroll through my mental Rolodex of going through the motions every day for months on end, constantly feeling sad or irritated, and letting literally everything I enjoy doing fall by the wayside. IE: Cooking, content creating, outings with Johnny and friends. After doing that for so long, I kid you not, it felt incredibly weird to start feeling good again and seemingly instantly once I said enough.

As soon as I took control back, it was like a ten billion pound weight was lifted off my shoulders and I almost felt “naughty” for inviting happiness back. You know what I have to say? *Pardon my French* but F that. I did what was best for me and deserve to revel in it and that meant having FUN. And, fun for me is getting dressed up and shooting content. So, that is what I did and have been doing and it has been amazing! Creating posts just for me and my little corner of the internet fills me with so much pride and I feel like my old self has returned. In fact, I feel the most inspired now than I have been for months and it is exciting to have all of these ideas zooming around my head again. I can’t wait to make all of them happen!

Lil Red is getting her groove back and you can too! Tend to your mental health and be good to yourself because when you are back – you’re back, baby!

What do you like to do for fun? What is your favorite kind of content to create? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Mar18

Are You Ready For A Big Change?

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Are You Ready For A Big Change?

Hello!! Whether it is a change that is expected or not, change can be really hard. However, change is necessary and, more often than not, the risk is worth the reward. I have some big changes coming up in the next few months and despite feeling a little stressed, I am mainly excited! After spending a lot of time mulling over my decision, I was able to reach a conclusion that was best for me. Here are the approaches that I took that I found to be the most helpful and maybe they will help you too for your next big adventure:

Time Travel:

Are you currently feeling unhappy with where you’re at? Then, I invite you to time travel! Go back and think about the last point in your life when you were feeling fully content. What was your situation back then? What changed between then and now? Can you make the changes to get those feel good feelings back? When you can pinpoint that moment in time, you can really start to evaluate what was working for and against you. Even if you can’t make a huge change immediately to get your life on a more positive trajectory, you will have a place to start when the time comes.

Plan A, B, & C:

Of course, making major life changes requires a lot of planning. In my situation, I made my perfect world plan as well as several backup options that I would be happy with too. When you have a Plan A, a backup plan, and a backup to your backup plan, you are well set to implement them anyway you see fit. It could be a combination of the three or you might find that one plan has everything and you are going for it. Putting all of your eggs in one basket definitely means betting on yourself but, remember, sometimes compromises will need to be made to get you to where you want to be!

When You Know, You Know:

Does simply the thought of making a change make you happy? Or maybe you have a gut feeling that a shift in your life needs to be made? Don’t ignore that! No one but you can tell you what’s right for you so listen to yourself. What’s best for you might not be the decision a partner or loved one would make and that’s okay because it’s your life. Only you can direct where it’s going to take you so if you are experiencing that desire for change, work with it.

Challenge Your Thoughts:

A big life change can sometimes feel like a grieving process. You are switching up the norm and that can be difficult to wrap your head around. However, implementing a necessary change is going to be a lot harder if you are constantly going back and forth about it in your head. Be firm and confident in the decision you arrived at and challenge those wishy washy thoughts. This is why it is so important to plan, plan, plan because solid next steps can allow you to go forth knowing without a doubt that you made the right choice.

If you feel ready for a big change – go for it full steam ahead. You never know where it will take you but the chances are high that you’re going to feel a lot better!

Have you had a big change in your life recently? What helped you during that process? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Mar16

Physical Signs You Need A Change

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Physical Signs You Need A Change

Howdy!! Sometimes life changes are expected, welcomed, and can happen gradually. Other times, you might find yourself in a situation where a change is necessary for your own well being. Whether it be a high stress job, toxic relationship, or an environment that no longer feels safe – it is so important to formulate a plan and follow through to get yourself back on track. Listen carefully to your mind and body because if you are in tune with them, you won’t miss the warning signs they are sending you to consider other options. I recently found myself in a situation that warranted a change, completely ignored my better judgement, and ended up with true, noticeable physical symptoms of duress. If you are experiencing any of the following in your situation, it’s time to reevaluate things:

Loss of Appetite:

I have always had a very healthy appetite and look forward to eating my favorite foods at mealtime. That was not the case at all recently. I was SO stressed out and under SO much mental strain that my appetite completely went out the window. I wasn’t feeling hunger and literally had to force myself to eat. Even with my favorite dishes in front of me, I could barely muster taking a bite, let alone finish the entire meal. And, oftentimes, I was left nauseated after a couple of forkfuls. Combined with the next symptom we are going to discuss, I was literally running on fumes. The good news? After I implemented my change, my appetite came back and I was ravenous. I would have a meal, an hour or two later I was starving, and I would eat again. I clearly had a lot of catching up to do!

Disturbed Sleep:

When you sleep, your body is healing itself. When your sleep pattern experiences a shocking alteration, all I’ve got to say is good luck tomorrow lol. Racing thoughts kept me up until all hours of the night for days in a row and my anxiety was so heightened it felt like a constant panic attack. My heart consistently felt like I was running a marathon and it was so exhausting. Paired with not sleeping and barely eating, I was in full fledged zombie mode and getting through each day felt impossible. The good news? After I implemented my change, I slept like a baby! I am still catching up on my Z’s and I actually had to lay down in the middle of writing this. Never, ever devalue the power of a good night’s sleep because it is going to catch up with you quicker than you might think.

An Unexpected Visit:

For people who menstruate, I am talking to YOU lol. This might be TMI and I don’t care. During an extremely stressful situation a few years ago, my hormones got super out of whack and it triggered a period. I had no idea that could even happen and ended up going to the ER. It was scary! This past week, I had a surprise period weeks before I was due for my cycle. When I was greeted with this unexpected guest was when I decided enough was enough because it was like the trifecta of awful: No sleep, no nourishment, and a wicked early period to boot. The evidence at this point was indisputable and I needed a change ASAFP.

Getting out of a difficult situation can be SO hard even if the change is nothing but positive. Remember that no one can discredit your feelings and doing what’s best for you is the most important thing!

What is something that stresses you out? Do you struggle with making changes? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Mar15

What’s Cookin?!

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What’s Cookin?!

Hello!! One of my favorite things in the world is to cook dinner. I love being able to spend time doing my thing in the kitchen and creating something delicious for Johnny and myself after work. And, because I will never master the fine art of cooking for two, I always have plenty to share with my parents and beloved downstairs neighbor, Tony. Despite loving to cook and fixing a plate for my loved ones, I find that it is the first thing that falls by the wayside when I am having a mental health moment (Or week or month but who’s counting lol).

The lack of desire to cook and sheer exhaustion physically and mentally was definitely the case for me recently. However, I am pleased to report that your girl is back! I am feeling much better and it felt so good to be able to make some of mine and Johnny’s favorite dishes. I whipped up a big pot of Fettuccine Alfredo and chicken breast for him. I also made my world famous spruced up baked potatoes and jalapeno popper quesadillas! And, of course, Johnny ran a plate down to Tony and I fixed a plate for my parents too.

The combined act of not only preparing the food but sharing it is so satisfying to me and I take pride in being the neighbor and daughter that surprises someone with a home cooked meal. I expect nothing in return for this because it’s truly my pleasure. It’s always nice to be complimented, though, and this text exchange with my mom made my day:

I guess the moral of the story is a few things. First and foremost, if you are noticing that some of your favorite hobbies or passions are becoming difficult to do – it’s okay!! However, it’s going to be glorious when you get that desire back and this post is a testament to that. Don’t beat yourself up over taking a break because you’re just going to feel worse. Rather, get back in your flow little by little and when you are back – You’re back, baby!

Second, if you have something to share – share away! Whether it’s posting your artwork on social media, fixing an extra plate for a loved one, or mowing your neighbor’s lawn, doing good feels good. Your gifts, skills, passions, and hobbies are all valuable and I’m not talking money. These are all things that someone, somewhere is going to appreciate and that makes what you are doing even more special. For example, I love knowing that my neighbor or parents aren’t going to have to cook dinner for themselves when I share the bounty. This is not only an act of kindness for them but myself too so share liberally because it’s going to do your world a world of good. ❤

I am back to being genuinely excited about cooking and it’s an amazing place to be. I hope all of you are finding full passion in the things that make you happy too!

What is your favorite hobby? How do you share it with others? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Mar6

The Most Important Meal Of The Day

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The Most Important Meal Of The Day

Hello!! Something that I actively suck at has got to be eating breakfast. It sounds stupid, but it’s true lol. After taking care of the bunnies and getting cleaned up early in the morning, I’m never particularly hungry. So, I begin the next part of my routine which is work online and slam ALL of the coffee. There comes a point during my mornings where hunger just hits me like a load of bricks and I either answer the call or put it on hold because I could have an early lunch. They say madness is doing the same thing and expecting different results and, honestly, this current system leaves a lot to be desired. So, I have made a conscious effort to incorporate some semblance of a normal breakfast into my routine compliments of a random craving.

As I was completing a curbside order online last week, I got the most intense white girl craving for avocado toast with everything bagel seasoning. I’m not sure why because I’ve only had it one time before. My sister made it for me a few years back when I was over at her house, it was the bomb, and that was that. I figured I was onto something with this out of nowhere hankering so I went ahead and added all of the fixings for avocado toast into my order. I actually just had some prior to writing this and it was just as bomb as I remembered it being. And *shocker* I actually feel awesome!

I am one of those people who absolutely NEEDS a routine and once I have one established, it is really hard for me to change it. Even if it is just one small thing like making breakfast every morning, I have to adjust all of the moving parts in my day to accommodate it and that is stressful. My routine comforts me and once the mental gymnastics starts, that security blanket feels like it got ripped to shreds. I have to admit, I had some butterflies in my basket when making my brekkie – but my entire world didn’t implode and that initial discomfort was quickly satisfied with something yummy that I wanted to eat. Not only did I feel like I worked better, but I had the sense of pride that I took care of myself by stepping out of my comfort zone. It might be a small step, but it was a big one!

Incorporating monkey wrenches into my work flow and challenging my own made up rules might be stressful, but I often find that the stress relief after the fact outweighs any cons. I have some big life changes coming up soon and adding little blips in my day to day will be a great stepping stone to making that shift easier.

What is your favorite food to have for breakfast? Are you structured or go with the flow during your day? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Feb27

Spring Cleaning Surprise

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Spring Cleaning Surprise

Howdy! I got home from work way earlier than normal on Monday and had three or so hours to kill before Johnny’s shift was over. I’m not really sure why, but out of nowhere, I got a strong desire to clean. I’ll be perfectly honest with you, it can be very difficult for me to find the motivation to clean outside of necessary chores. Feeling mentally and physically exhausted just seems to be the norm for me as of late and it sucks. It’s not like I don’t want to clean but the energy to do so is nowhere to be found. So, when this overwhelming urge hit me to clean, I went for it!

I decided to tackle one room before clocking in again to work from home and that was mine and Johnny’s bedroom. I cleared up any trash, did several loads of laundry, and organized the closet. I also was able to put Johnny’s clothes in some semblance of order because he needs a freaking dresser lol. As I was doing that, I found an incredible surprise: One of my FAVORITE tank tops that I thought I left in the Poconos when we went on vacation a few years prior. I looked everywhere in my apartment for it and came up empty so leaving it behind seemed like the most reasonable explanation. I guess I didn’t look everywhere, though.

After finally having found my black Rachel Zoe tank top, I was elated. The motivation to clean was there and I was rewarded for it. In fact, after this find, I found myself looking forward to tackling my office next! I genuinely thought that the cherry on top was being reunited with my beloved tank top. However, the cherry on top came after the bedroom was clean as a whistle. I had open access to an outlet again and I was eager to put a new Bath & Body Works wallflower into my Halloween plugin. The room looked so fresh and good that I decided to accentuate it with a Fiji White Sands wallflower. The spotless room combined with the crisp, beachy scent made me so happy!

I guess the moral of the story is, that if you are lacking motivation for a deep cleaning session – it really is okay. However, my first hand experience is that you will start feeling fantastic as you go through the process. Even if it is one room or one task at a time, you are accomplishing something that needs to be done and that is rewarding. There is no need to beat yourself up if you don’t have the energy to clean. Do what you can, revel in your success, and you are on your way to forming a good habit.

I really am proud of myself for getting an early start on my spring cleaning and giving the apartment the love it deserves doesn’t feel nearly as overwhelming. In fact, it is a welcome change of pace!

What is on your spring cleaning agenda? Have you found anything recently that you thought you lost? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jan19

Moving Right Along

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Moving Right Along

Howdy!! One of the comments that I get several times a week from the people I see and talk to frequently is: “I don’t know how you manage everything”. I have three jobs that keep me very busy, but I like to think that I have my juggling act down to a science. This isn’t something that happened overnight, rather something that has been perfected over time as I have been self employed for over a decade. It can be a delicate dance when you have a crazy schedule to keep your head above water. However, once you have it down, you can do that dance backwards and with your eyes closed! Here is what helps me:

I love my jobs:

The most important thing is to love what you do for a living and I certainly do! I love working with people with special needs, I love my blog, and I love being a social media manager. If I was absolutely miserable in any of these positions, I wouldn’t dedicate so much time to them. It makes me feel good to be a boss lady, but boss ladies know when to take a step back. As soon as I start feeling like something isn’t a good fit, I make immediate plans to change it and follow through until that is accomplished. It’s what keeps my work exciting and makes each day a joy rather than a chore.

It’s all in the timing:

Of course, time management is the next most important step to making a hectic schedule work. Through trial and error, I created a schedule that allows for me to complete every single task and be done when I return home so I can enjoy my evening with Johnny. Making a perfect schedule for yourself is like assembling a puzzle and once you get the pieces right, there is nothing that you can’t do. For a long while, I would still work a bit once I got home for the day no matter how badly I wanted to sink into the couch. The last step in my master schedule was eliminating this and I feel even more capable because I’m using my evenings for what they were intended for – relaxing!

Listen to yourself:

No one knows you better than you and rather than push yourself, you need to listen to yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I avoided taking breaks or simply a day off and it did me no favors. It made me resentful, exhausted, and overwhelmed. Honestly, this is one of the major things I still need to work on but I am getting better at it. You can only push yourself so much until you break so don’t let yourself get to that point. If something is feeling off, don’t just brush it aside because it’s your mind and body sending you a message. Listen to it because burnout is a very real thing and you have all of the tools to prevent it.

Go with the flow:

It’s no secret that my schedule is god lol. I have to admit, that I do tend to get a little panicky when my day isn’t moving as it should. This is why I am really making an effort to implement a go with the flow attitude. Being high-strung all day is exhausting and I always have to make a conscious effort to remind myself that things might not go accordingly to plan no matter how much you plan. While I do still experience some anxiety during a not to the T day, it has decreased substantially as I have to remind myself that even the most well thought out schedule needs some wiggle room.

I am well aware that there are still things that I need to work on when it comes to my work week. Keeping all of the above at the forefront of my mind helps me and I hope it does the same for you!

Do you follow the same schedule every day? How do you improve your work flow? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Dec19

Working With Mental Illness

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Working With Mental Illness

Hello!! It is no secret that your girl suffers from her fair share of mental illness. I have PTSD and depression and it can be exhausting to deal with. And, unfortunately, the adulting world doesn’t stand still despite difficult days that feature a “flare up”. I work hard to continue improving upon my situation, but I also use a few pro tips that I have cultivated over the years to make thing easier on myself. With these tools, my days feel more tolerable and I am able to achieve success in my jobs. Let’s discuss:

Have A Schedule:

In terms of my mental illness, my schedule means everything to me. My schedule brings me a lot of comfort because even if the day goes a little haywire, I still have a general idea of what is going to happen next. I try to go to bed, wake up, eat, and take breaks at the same time every day and not only do I keep things running like a fine tuned machine, but I feel less anxiety throughout the work day. Of course, on the weekend, I revel in not having anything to do. But, Monday through Friday – my schedule is god.

Eat Something:

Between the medication I’m on and the light buzz of butterflies that is constantly fluttering around in my stomach, my appetite is sometimes not there. I used to follow the rule of not eating if I’m not hungry, but that rule sucks because a few hours later I feel miserable and starving. If you aren’t feeling hungry at your normal mealtimes, try to have just a little something anyways. A light snack can help stimulate your appetite so you can work your way up to a proper meal. Your body and mind need the fuel from food, so eat!

Go Easy On Yourself:

The anxious mind might be telling you to work, work, work, and god help you if you stop: Even if you are feeling off. If you are having a bad day, be gentle with yourself. Give yourself permission to take breaks, self soothe, and return to the task at hand with a clearer head. There’s no gold star for pushing yourself through mental turmoil until you reach a breaking point. Listen to what your mind and body are telling you and respond accordingly. It can also be helpful to talk to yourself like you’re talking to a best friend. You would never tell your BFF that their need for a mental health break isn’t valid.

Avoid People Pleasing:

From one people pleaser to another, there comes a point when you have got to put yourself first. I have personally found that I tend to feel very resentful when I am catering to everyone other than me and that is a terrible way to feel. Part of looking out for you comes with saying “no” to what you don’t want to do – whatever reason that might be. You also have to be firm with your no because that establishes boundaries. This is not to say that you should just not help anyone ever. But, if you feel like you are spiraling and taking on way too much, you need to provide some leniency to your schedule.

Like anyone who is dealing with mental illness on top of all that adulting entails, I have my good and bad days. However, my days definitely feel more stable with the above advice!

Do you give yourself mental health breaks? How do you prioritize your mental health? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah