Category Archives: Humor

PMS? Or Just Pissed?

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PMS? Or Just Pissed?

Heyy everyone and happy Monday. So thanks to a not so subtle title, I’m sure you guys can all gather that it’s my “time of the month”. TMI? Maybe. But, it is my page which sometimes doubles as an online journal for when I just want to shout out to the void of the world wide web and be petty. So, let’s play out this new game show style segment and see what happens…

Sarah’s Bad Mood:

Is It PMS Or Just Pissed?

The Symptoms:

Well…Let’s see:

  1.  For a snack last night I ate three pancakes, two squares of Ghirardelli chocolate, a bagel and butter, a bowl of fettuccine noodles, and a delightful couscous salad.
  2.  I just told my dog who offered me a toy to “go away”.
  3.  My stomach feels like somebody is Mortal Kombat punching it.
  4.  I am SO freaking irritable that I seriously think I could Mortal Kombat punch a hole through the wall.
  5.  Did I mention that all I want to do is eat?
  6.  I literally think that if somebody looked at me the wrong way right now that I would scream and then immediately start crying.

Now, I’m no Web MD specialist but my conclusion to this riveting (admittedly TMI) new segment is…

PMS!

You know, when I was a teenager, my periods never bothered me. They were more of a monthly annoyance than anything and that was it. No pissy moods, no cramps, no wanting to eat everything in a twelve foot radius, no mood swings, no nothing. But now, as a twenty-two year old, my periods are the biggest pain in the ass on the planet. Cramps like a mother, my mouth turns into a vacuum that consumes literally ALL the food, and mood swings that would make Ohio weather seem normal.

I’ve mentioned this to a lot of my girlfriends and about three fourths of them have similar sentiments to mine. As if being a young twenty something pathetically floundering her way through life wasn’t hard enough already, mother nature gives me a week of torture monthly. I swear guys, I legit feel like I’m going crazy and it’s just exhausting! I don’t know why but today is just wearing me out and I’m already so ready for a drink and Netflix in bed.

Sorry to the people who read this that are grossed out by periods or whatever but sometimes being a girl really sucks and mama needed to vent. Besides, now we can all rest easy in knowing that it’s PMS rather than Just Pissed! 😉

Okay, now for some questions. Ladies, how do you deal with PMS? Gentlemen, what do you do when a lady in your life is PMSing (Staying away is not an acceptable answer!!)? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

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Selfie Spam

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Selfie Spam

Hiiii everyone and happy Thursday! I have come to realize that I’m not the best at posting some Sarah Selfies every now and then on lifewithlilred. But, thanks to a lazy day, that is about to change! And what better time to do it than on Throwback Thursday considering both of these were taken a week or two ago?! SCORE.

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So, there’s that. Lol.

Selfies can seriously be either the most fantastic or most stressful thing of your life. I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing better than taking a fabulous picture on the first few clicks of your camera. When you’re feeling yourself and the lighting is giving you all the love, it feels like the hallelujah chorus should be singing your praises any second.

But, god forbid, that your pics are just not working. I can think of few things that are more frustrating than when you’re looking fab and can literally not take a “good” picture to save your life! Whether the lighting is wonky, you can’t make the perfect face, or your palms are sweaty (knees weak, arms are heavy), a selfie shoot that is going wrong freaking SUCKS. It’s like…you know you’re looking Instagram worthy so why in the name of all that is holy is it not translating to one measly picture. Yeeesh!

So, here’s to you: the selfie queens that can take a gorgeous picture about 99.9% of the time. I admire the hell out of you and salute you. Maybe, if Sarah Selfie Shoots weren’t so freaking annoying half of the time, I could aspire to be on your level!

It only felt right to upload some Selfie Spam today and my hope for all of you is nothing but perfect selfies in the future! What are your tricks and tips for a super like-worthy selfie? How do you choose your favorite picture when literally all twenty of the ones that you took look exactly alike? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Single On Valentine’s Day? Same.

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Single On Valentine’s Day? Same.

Hellooo everyone and happy almost Valentine’s Day! For some, Valentine’s Day is the best thing ever. A whole day to celebrate what a cute relationship you’re in with presents, dinner, and drinks? Woof. Sign me up! But for us Single Sarahs (and Sallys!), V-Day can kind of suck, am I right? A whole day dedicated to reminding you that you’re forever alone and the only touch you’ll be experiencing is your hand on a glass of wine? Woof. Can we just not and say we did?

But hey, instead of focusing on the fact that we’re single, sad, and suppressing emotions, let’s make Valentine’s Day tolerable, at the very least. V-Day is the day for us singletons to unite in our misery and encourage each other to drink heavily, finish that gallon of ice cream, and watch A Walk To Remember for the seventieth time. There ain’t no shame in our game, so let’s get to it:

First Things First: Get the vino. Head to your local gas station or grocery in your jammies and snag a bottle (or two!) of your favorite booze. You deserve it! After the wine is safely in your shopping basket, gather any other V-Day survival supplies that you might need. We’re talking ice cream, chocolates, and industrial size boxes of tissues – the works!

Next Off: Get yourself home and let the festivities begin. Crack a bottle and pop in your favorite chick flick. One of my personal favorites is Legally Blonde, but any girl power or romance movie will do! Bottoms up!

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After The Movie: Once your movie is over, you might be feeling even worse than before considering every classic chick flick ends with the girl wrapped around her handsome hunk of a man. That’s okay. Embrace your emotions of solitude, phone a friend, cry a little, hold your head in your hands and scream, and move on to the next activity.

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Cheer Up: Once you get all of the tears, snot, and screams out of your system, take a swig of wine or your favorite soft drink and repeat the process. Maybe this time you could even branch out of your movie comfort zone and watch an action packed adventure flick to get your mind off of cute movie couples that you aren’t a part of.

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Still Upset?

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Just Remember…

That you’re single every other day of the year, that your prince or princess charming is probably creeping on your social media pages as we speak, and that I still love you! ❤

And Also Remember…

That this post was made in good humor, always drink in moderation (!!!), and to stay off of Facebook for the day if seeing pictures of happy couples will upset you! 😉

If you’re Single On Valentine’s Day, it’s okay because I am too and will be available on social media, my comments section, and email for those who need a Lil Red pep talk! How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Are you celebrating with your significant other or riding solo? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Taco Bell, Lol

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Taco Bell, Lol

Hiii everyone and TGIF! So I had a super fun night with my sister yesterday. Kristen came with me to watch me coach Special Olympics figure skating, then we went shopping in downtown Kent (the surrounding college town), and decided to top off our night with some delicious Taco Bell. This is the part where you go: But wait, I thought you and your sister have both been vegetarians since childhood. And this is the part where I respond with: You can get beans on everything instead of meat!

So, yes, Taco Bell. After we finished our shopping, I was completely starving. It was after seven at that point which is way later than when I’m normally used to eating and I was getting HANGRY. Lucky for us, there’s a TBell right up the street from where we were, so we decided to go there instead of our usual stomping grounds that is closer to home. After making this decision, which I now wish we didn’t make, I was getting really excited. Fantasizing about eating the entire menu, salivating heavily – the whole nine yards of hungry girl problems.

A few minutes later, we arrived at Taco Bell and hurried inside to begin our order. Because I knew exactly what I wanted, I went first and began my litany of the four items that I wanted. As I mentioned before, because I’m a vegetarian, my order consists of asking them to sub the beef for beans after each item. To a seasoned TBell employee, this is no sweat. But to the fresh out of the hiring process girl working the register, it was the most difficult task in the world.

For well over ten minutes, I repeated my order as she tried to put it into the register and doubled back into the kitchen to ask for help. At first, I was like “Okay, I get it. I remember being new at a register based job before, too” and tried to be as kind as possible. But then, the hangryness started hitting me hard and I knew that if I stood there any longer, I would maybe be not so nice. To avoid this problem after the poor girl was appearing to get no help and she was getting visibly frustrated, I told her not to worry about it because there was a Taco Bell so close to my home.

I was so worried that that was rude but I really didn’t want to let my hangryness get the best of me. I also didn’t want to watch the girl struggle anymore since it looked like no one was coming to her rescue anytime soon. So, Kristen and I went back into the car and headed to the Tbell that we live a mile away from. And I have to tell you, it felt really good to be back in familiar territory.

We ordered our food and was then informed by the lovely employee that if we take a survey and mention her and her coworkers that they would get four extra dollars on their paychecks. We also would get free taco coupons for completing the survey. It seemed like a win win, so while we waited for our food, we each took the survey. Just upon completion, our food arrived which included a super special Taco Bell message from a grateful employee for us taking the survey. Lol, take a look:

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^^^ Lololol

All in all, it was a beautiful evening but I still can’t help feeling kind of bad about the new employee at the Taco Bell that we fled the scene from. I hope she finds that her job gets easier soon!! Anyways, Kristen and I still had a lot of fun and just as our secret Crunchwrap Supreme message says, TBell truly does = life.

What happens when you get hangry? Was there a job that you ever had a really hard time getting the hang of? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Monday Update: Car Crash Edition

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Monday Update: Car Crash Edition

Hii everyone and happy Monday! I hope all of you had a wonderful weekend and a great time ringing in 2017. Unfortunately for me, my weekend kind of sucked because on Friday I got rear ended and I’m STILL annoyed about it! My beloved Little Red Love Machine, AKA my 2012 Mazda 2 hatchback, got a bit of a bumper boo boo but thankfully the other guy and I are okay. Let’s discuss and I’ll tell you how ridiculous this accident was:

So, I’m returning home from dropping my sister off at her apartment and am literally THREE MINUTES away from arriving back at the home front. (I guess it’s true when they say that you’re more likely to get in an accident when you’re closer to home.) Anyways, I am sitting behind at least eight or more cars at a red light just minding my own business and listening to my Learn French In Your Car tapes.

As I’m doing my thang and getting my French on, I decided to take a look see at my rear view mirror just out of habit. That’s when I see a car approaching at at least thirty-five miles per hour and he doesn’t appear to be stopping anytime soon. I legitimately didn’t know what to do. It was crazy, because I knew as soon as I saw the car coming that I was going to get hit so all I could do was lay down on my horn and brace myself for the inevitable.

CRASHHHHHHHHH.

Just as I secured my foot on the brakes and hoped that they would stay there so that I didn’t run into the car in front of me, the Little Red Love Machine was hit. The guy driving the enemy vehicle and I pulled over into the parking lot that we were in front of and after making sure that we were both okay, I phoned the police. It was weird. I’ve never been in an accident before, let alone called 911, so as soon as I hung up the phone I awkwardly told the guy that I was going to wait in my car. To put in mildly: I was freezing my nads off.

In my defense – all I had on was my slippers, a pair of leggings, and a long sleeved top because I wasn’t anticipating waiting outside with a person who hit my car and it was freezing, as Ohio tends to be in the winter. Rather, I was planning on being in my nice, warm car until my return home. Because I was clueless on “what to do after my car has been hit” etiquette on top of being cold and friggen annoyed, I don’t think I said ten words to the guy. Lol, whatever.

Long story short, the police came to where we were located, looked over our cars, talked to both of us, and then gave us the go ahead to go home. Honestly, it looks like the guy who hit me got the shittier end of the stick, if you will, because I am pretty sure he had to get his car towed. Sucks to suck!

But, the worst thing of all is that I am 99.99% sure that I heard him tell the police that he didn’t have insurance and that’s what really pissed me off. So, let me get this straight: you were blatantly not paying attention to the road to the point that you didn’t notice a red light and a significant line of cars and I’ll be the one paying my deductible if I chose to get my car repaired? SO. STUPIDDDD.

The only good thing that came out of that evening was that my dad got me post accident Taco Bell but other than that I was mad. Getting rear ended is dumb. It’s seriously the lamest type of a car accident because 1) The person being hit did nothing wrong and 2) It could have been avoided if people just pay attention to the road. Jesus!

I guess in conclusion to this long rant I will say that I encourage everyone to be a lot safer when they’re driving. Wear your seat belts. Don’t text or talk on the phone. PAY ATTENTION! Then, maybe you won’t wind up hitting a girl who worked her ass off to afford her dream car and has to write a long blog post afterwards to deal with it.

So, there you have it, this week’s Monday Update: Car Crash Edition. What is your biggest pet peeve while driving? What do you do to ease a case of road rage? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Pampering Party (Wahhh!)

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Pampering Party (Wahhh!)

Hi everyone and happy Monday! This past week has been not the best at Chez Red because I have literally been sick for seven days straight. I have had an absolutely miserable cold complete with cough, body aches, headaches, sore throat, the chills, and night sweats. On top of feeling like DEATH, it is now finals week at school which is super stressful which seems to just make me sicker!

I am feeling very bitter about this bug because it completely ruined the pampering that happened last week which I was so looking forward to. I was scheduled to dye my hair, get my nails filled, and get a haircut. These are all things that I freaking love to do and unfortunately, I felt miserable to the point that I couldn’t enjoy any of it during each pampering activity.

My hair dying sesh resulted in a bloody nose and massive chills. Thanks to frequent nose blowing and an accidental stab from my talon acrylics, I was left with a bloody nose worthy of sticking a tampon in. Then, the cold water shower which was a necessity to washing out the dye and maintaining a lustrous shade of red left me in shivers in my skivvies for days. In hindsight, dying my hair and doing a cold water hair wash while sick was just plain asinine but damnit, my hair needed it real bad!!!

Later on in the week, I needed to get my nails filled so that they could be perfect for my graduation ceremony next week. Probably not the best idea either. The strong nail polish smells at the salon went straight to my head and not even my beloved nail tech, Vinny, could help me feel better. The worst, though, was when my nails were put in front of a fan to start the drying process. I instantly began to sweat and get clammy and I like to think of myself as a not sweaty person. I left the salon a big blubbering ball of phlegm and damp clothing but my nails looked fabulous, darling.

And finally, this weekend it was time for a haircut. I was so looking forward to getting my hair styled for my big day and wanted nothing more than to sit comfortably in the chair and let my stylist work her magic. Naturally, this didn’t happen. My week long nightmare left me feeling so achy and irritable that everything made me want to scream, or cry, or BOTH. So best believe when those little bitty microscopic hairs got snipped from my head and wound up down my shirt I was about to have an emotional breakdown. I’m telling you guys, it’s hard out there for a pimp.

Now that I am feeling about eighty percent better, I can finally fully admire the work that was done on me. My hair looks gorgeous and my nails are fierce. But at the time, nothing made me feel happy or attractive which is surprising considering I tried to surround myself with all things pretty! A Pampering Party did happen but it was not fun or relaxing in the slightest. I can only hope that the next time I need to throw some paint on the old barn that I am feeling in tip top physical condition!

Who is suffering from a winter cold or flu right now? What are your go to remedies for easing the yucks and aches? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall

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Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall

Hi everyone and happy weekend! Welcome to my darling friend, Gintare’s, humorous take on why everyone should be looking forward to fall. This post is a hoot so I am sure you are all going to love it! Please be sure to check out Gintare’s blog, as well, for more fabulous posts! Enjoy:

Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall:

  1. You can overdose on cinnamon and pumpkin anything and nobody will dare to judge you.

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2. If you’re particularly bad at making yourself presentable, you can always tell people who stare that you’re testing some new looks for Halloween.

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3. Same goes for if the 24-7 rain messed up your mascara, too.

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4. You can skip make up entirely because nobody will see anything or anyone beyond the inside of their umbrellas.

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5. You’ll get your cardio whilst jumping around avoiding puddles and slippery leaves on the pavement.

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6. As the days get shorter the social pressure of going out and doing things will subside and you can release your inner introvert again!

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7. Mid-week movie nights will be more common, too, as it will be miserable outside so why wouldn’t you escape to an imaginary world instead?

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8. Speaking of, there will suddenly be so much time to read all those books you wanted to read since last fall!

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9. If all else fails to entertain you, you can always just brew yourself some warm tea, cozy up in an over-sized sweater, and look through the window at the people miserably running from the cold rain because they forgot their umbrella. (Admit it, you enjoy it a little bit.)

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10. Suddenly it’s a full year until you have to worry about how you look in a bikini. You know what that means!

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11. For one glorious week, if you’re lucky even longer, the look of trees will be awesome enough to inspire you to write something awesome. Or so you’ll think.

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12. Summer stuff will go on sale. This is when you buy something that’s a bit too small and aim to fit into it during the next summer. (Then you conveniently misplace it somewhere “whoopsie daisies”.)

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13. There will be some amazing TV shows hitting the Internets!

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14. Um…back to school stationery haul? Yas. I don’t even care that I’ve graduated from both school and uni already, no one can stop me!

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15. Cozy socks and we’re closer to Christmas. ‘Nuff said.

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Autumn is going to be great.

Let’s connect! Follow me on Instagram, Bloglovin, & now also on Twitter @SatOnWed – because the full name didn’t fit, haha. 9 times out of 10 I will jump into following you back, unless you’re that 1 out of 10 robot account *squints suspiciously*.

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^^^ Love it! Thank you so much again to Gintare for giving us her countdown of reasons to look forward to fall! Once again, please check out her page and show her some love! What other reasons would you add to Gintare’s list? What is your favorite thing about fall? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah