Tag Archives: humor

The Pre Date Night Frenzy

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The Pre Date Night Frenzy

Going on a date is a serious business, right? We want to look good for our intended beau! However, in the run-up to the big night, logic seems to go out of the window. Partly due to stress, as well as ensuring we are the only girl on the guy’s radar during the evening, we take part in some weird rituals and habits that might seem a little crazy in retrospect. Take a look at what we mean below, and see how many you are familiar with:

Getting ready hours before the date: We want to look our best, so with all of our giddy excitement, we start getting ready hours before we are due to go out. There’s a lot of prep to be done, from choosing the outfit that we are going to wear to working out what makeup will match the look we are going for. We want to impress the guy, not look like something the cat just dragged through the back door, so we make every effort to get things right.

dateeAnd it’s only 9 AM!

We look to Hollywood for advice: You may not be going to the movies on your night out, but you can still pick up a few handy lessons from Hollywood in the day’s leading up to your date. If you want what she’s having, you may pick up some tips from Meg Ryan in ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ and if you want to know what not to do, there’s no better place to learn than from a ‘Bridget Jones’ movie. Of course, Hollywood isn’t reality, so don’t assume all of your Cinderella fantasies will come true. Real life is far more complicated, although watching Bridget make another embarrassing faux pas is going to lighten your mood before you go out.

datee1Flickr Image

We sabotage our good looks: While trying to look good for our date, we stand a greater chance of ruining things for ourselves if we overdo it. Popping zits may seem like a good idea, but it only increases the chances of another outbreak. Hint: Use decent acne cream, instead. Then, when waxing to get rid of body hair, we are in danger of breaking out in unflattering red bumps. Hint: Use these helpful tips to soothe skin after waxing. Hello, silky smooth skin!

We change your mind about the outfit…again: Remember that outfit you picked out at the start of the day? Maybe it’s not the right one after all, so you should probably try something else. You FaceTime your besties and ask (order) them to give you their valued opinion. After listening to their advice for an hour, you hang up on them. They clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. That blue dress with those shoes? Are they mad? In a frenzy, you go back and forth in your mind and body trying on each outfit, trying to preempt your guy’s opinion. In the end, you decide the outfit you chose the first time was the right one after all. Classic.

We become proficient at telling the time: What time is it now? Oh, it’s okay, there’s still hours to go before the date. What time is it now? Oh, it’s only two minutes after the last time you looked. Look, you aren’t going to make time fly by checking your watch every few minutes so relax and give yourself a break. Do something to distract yourself, and you won’t fret as much. Play some music, chat with your friends, watch Bridget Jones for the third time today. What time is it now? AHH, you’re meeting him in five minutes and you still haven’t done your hair. Where did the time go?!

We play the date through in our head…a hundred times: There’s no way that you will know how well the date will go until you actually get there. That doesn’t stop you from going over every eventuality. In your first daydream, you step out of your car door and into your fella’s arms. He whisks you off of your feet and into a ballroom in a scene that is reminiscent of that one part in ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ Only, he’s no beast, he’s absolutely gorgeous, and he proposes to you before the first dance is over. ‘Yes’ you shout out, and everybody applauds as they relish in your celebration. Second daydream: you fall out of your car into a muddy puddle, ruining your dress. The guy doesn’t so much whisk you off of your feet as drag you through the mud as the crowd begins to gather. You stand in the middle of the puddle, just a girl standing in front of a guy, only you are no longer the Julia Roberts in your head, and you have stepped into the cringy world of Bridget Jones. Yikes!

datee2#dreamdate

And then: After going through everything we mentioned, you finally get to your date. He compliments you on how you look and you tell him it was just something you threw together. When he then asks you how your day was, you look at him straight in the eye and say it was fine, just another chilled out day. Of course, you know different. Let’s just hope the date is worth it!

The pre date night frenzy is real and sometimes it can be brutal. Take a deep breath, eat some chocolate, and CHILL OUT! You’re great and it’s going to be a wonderful night!

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Cleaning Out My Closet

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Cleaning Out My Closet

Hi everyone and happy Tuesday! Okay. We all know by now that I am a clothing hoarder. Everything from accessories and shoes to purses and a closet full of gorgeous duds – I have a lot of it. It’s no secret that I love to shop, BUT it’s also not a secret that I rarely do a closet overhaul because I never know when I might need that five year old cardigan!!

My clothes make me happy to look at, but even I have to admit that it was becoming a chore to squeeze new purchases into my overflowing closet and dresser. This past week, I made an effort to go through my clothing collection and take the rejects to Plato’s Closet and then donate the items that they didn’t want. I have to say – it was really hard!!

During my closet clean out, I tried to follow the “if I haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it” rule. However, this proved to be pretty difficult since I really do wear everything that I own. When I go on shopping trips, I purchase things that I know that I will get a lot of use out of. I am mindful of the quality of the piece that I’m considering and if it will still be in excellent condition one, two, or five years from now. So, with that in mind, you can see how this overhaul was a struggle. It was seriously almost like trying to decide which one of my two beloved dogs that I like the least. Lol, as you can see – I really love my clothes!!

Despite what myself and the good lord knows was a difficult task, I was able to manage filling up my vacation bag with clothes and accessories to take to Plato’s Closet. Although I do try and wear all of the pieces in my wardrobe as often as I can, there definitely were some items that haven’t been in the spotlight for quite some time. Maybe not an entire year’s worth of time, but long enough that I could picture myself without having the top, bottoms, etc. So, into the bag it went.

I would be a liar if I said that I wasn’t pleased with myself. Even though I had a hard time with my closet clean out, I still managed to purge a decent amount of stuff. With an “I just finished a marathon” smile on my face, I made my way to Plato’s Closet to see if I could get myself at least a tank of gas with my fallen clothing friends. I had a pretty good feeling about this, because I take excellent care of my clothes to the point where my wardrobe looks like it’s filled with brand new pieces. But:

APPARENTLY PLATO’S CLOSET DIDN’T THINK SO!!!

Plato’s Closet baffles me – which is why I don’t even like going into the store. They always seem to take the clothing that I wasn’t confident that they would want but threw in the bag anyways, rather than the actual nice pieces that I have to offer. Out of the lovely fall coats and sweaters that I was willing to part with, they ended up taking the random odds and ends of my unwanted items, instead.

It was just confusing to me as to how I only received seventeen dollars for clothing that I know will be marked up to an ungodly price. Does this sound petty? Yes. But it’s okay, because everyone who has sold to Plato’s Closet before has thought that so it definitely needed saying. Of course, I’m happy to be rid of some if the items collecting dust in my closet, but there’s always going to be that “wtf” confusion when an old T-shirt was chosen rather than something with the tags still on it (Gifts! I buy my clothes to wear, remember?)!

Am I bitter? I’m always bitter. But, I did get a tank of gas out of my closet cleaning Plato’s Closet excursion, which is what I set out to do, so it’s cool. (It’s not.)

Cleaning Out My Closet proved to be immensely difficult and the payoff was minimal, but I’m glad to have gotten it over with! What are your closet cleaning tips? What are your thoughts on Plato’s Closet? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: PopKey

#blessed

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#blessed

Hi everyone and happy Thursday! This post is about to be TMI so if reading about female hygiene problems grosses you out, then feel free to tune in with a new addition of If The Shoe Fits tomorrow! I won’t be offended, I promise.

Okay, so the other night I was so excited because I had on my brand new Calvin Klein sleep pants. If you forget what they look like, here they are:

ck3

They’re cute, right? Really, really white, right? The type of pants that you wouldn’t want Aunt Flo visiting you in, right? Well, of course, that’s what happened. The sequence of events went like this:

  1. I changed into my pajama pants.
  2. I made it a point to announce to everyone in my home how happy I was about said pajama pants.
  3. Promptly did a little twirl to show off.
  4. Sat down to watch TV after realizing that no one cared.
  5. BOOM. Started my period. -___-

After realizing that a really unfortunate “accident” happened on my brand new white jammies, I didn’t know what to do. My mom wasn’t home, so I couldn’t tell her and hear her sage advice. And my dad gets upset whenever I ask him to shave the back of my neck compliments of my short hair, so I knew he wouldn’t be of any help. But, boy was I wrong.

The thing about my dad, is that he HATES 1) Talking about bodily functions and 2) When I use the washing machine. The few times that I’ve tried to do laundry, I royally messed it up and after those unfortunate incidents, my dad doesn’t want me anywhere near an expensive piece of technology. With this knowledge, can you imagine approaching my father with a period related laundry problem? Yeah, yikes.

So, instead of using the washing machine without asking, I casually changed my pants, applied stain remover to the problem area, and asked my dad, “Do you know how to get stains out of white clothes?”. Of course, my dad had to ask, “Well, what kind of stain is it?”. I literally didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I think I would have preferred to tell him that I peed my pants. ANYTHING but my period. I shuffled my feet for at least five seconds and finally said, “It’s blood, if you really have to know”.

And what did my dad do? If you’re thinking that his head exploded from the sheer shock that his adult daughter was menstruating, then you’ll be surprised to know that he calmly replied with, “Okay, did you put stain remover on it?”. He then proceeded to ask me what material the pants were made out of and then GOOGLED “how to remove blood stains from cotton clothes”. Like, what?

My dad then walked me through, step by step, how to use the washing machine and how to remove the stain according to Google. How to presoak the pants, that I should put more stain remover on after the soak, which setting I should wash it on next, how to dry it without the pants shrinking. Every step in the dance of removing a period stain from white pants, my dad covered in detail.

And guess what? It worked! Thanks to my dad helping me and keeping a level head, the stain out of my WHITE pajama bottoms was gone. I was shocked, but after it happened, I don’t know why I thought that he would have reacted any differently. I think my dad saw that I really just needed help and taken care of. I’ve had a rough few weeks and instead of telling me to figure my woman problems out myself, he taught me how to handle it.

My dad faced his fears of 1) Me being within a foot of the washing machine and 2) Me talking about my body problems because he saw his daughter in distress. I don’t know, this just really showed me the man that my dad is so clearly and it was special to me. I put him in an awkward situation and he handled it in the way that I so desperately needed. I love my parents so much, but I’m genuinely happy that my mom wasn’t home so that my dad and I could tackle this #periodproblem together.

I feel so #blessed about my Aunt Flo scenario, but I think I’ll be waiting until after my period is done to wear my new sleep pants again! Has anyone ever had an awkward moment with their parents that brought you closer together? How do you beat the period blues? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Selfie Secrets

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Selfie Secrets
Hi everyone and TGIF! The day that selfies became a thing was the day that the internet changed forever. I bet you any money that you can’t scroll down the newsfeed of any of your preferred social media mediums without seeing at least one selfie in the process. And taking selfies? It’s a process. The selfie: AKA taking twenty minimum one hundred max pictures that, for all intensive purposes, look exactly the same yet so SO remarkably different.
Everyone has had those days when they’re really feeling themselves (ayyy!) but can’t take a good selfie to save their lives (booo!). It’s cruel and unusual and I’m just not going to stand for it. That’s why I’ve come up with a list of pro tips to keep your selfie game on point. No more bad selfie days for all!

Selfie Secrets

1) Find The Light: Okay, yeah I know I sound like Tyra Banks circa ANTM cycles 1-1 million but it’s so true. Half of the selfie struggle is finding good lighting and using it appropriately. That’s why I prefer to take a majority of my selfies outside or in a room where a lot of sunlight filters in.
So you’ve found the light – but are you really finding it? Lol, that sounds like some fake psychology mumbo jumbo but it’s a legitimate question. Finding the light isn’t just about taking a picture in good lighting. It’s more about angling your face so that the sunlight is smacking you right on your cheeks. While you’re having a selfie photo shoot, move your face in small motions until the lighting is just right (And I promise that you will know when that is.), and snap away you selfie queen.
 selfieeee
2) Chin Up: I can guarantee that a majority of the selfies that people take are deleted due to the illusion of a double chin. No one likes double chins. Okay, some people probably do. But, for the most part, a double chin is a major selfie faux pas. A killer selfie is all about the long, pretty neck, which can be easily achieved if you tilt your chin slightly upwards when you’re taking pictures. It’s going to feel unnatural, but your double chin days will be a thing of the past when you’re showing off your swan neck. Now, remember, chin up, shoulders back, and WERK. 
3) Smize: Okay, yeah I know I sound like Tyra Banks circa ANTM cycles 1-1 million but it’s so true. Dead eyes are a selfie no no. So, I want you to do an exercise with me. Go to the mirror and take a good hard look at yourself. Now, think about something happy and slightly sexy for that perfect “I have a secret” look in your eyes. A day in bed with Johnny Depp, perhaps? Hello! You should notice a visible difference in your face thanks to the newly found alertness and mischievous twinkle in your eyes. Thank you, Johnny Depp day dream!
 selfieeee1

4) Quirky Cool: All selfies look the same. No matter who you are, from a super model to your average blogger (like me). It’s literally a picture of the camera on the flipped mode taking a shot of your mug. Cool. Now it’s up to you to make your pic unique so you don’t look like everyone else. When selfies first made their internet debut, a normal picture was just fine. But, now, standard selfies just don’t cut it anymore and absolutely nothing is worse than snapping a selfie only to have it be lost in the void of social media because it didn’t stand out.

Nowadays, selfies are more about fashion, quirk, and unlikely scenarios. Throw on a sassy Panama hat, tilt your sunglasses down your nose, and work like your life depends on it. And, bear in mind, that cool backgrounds are a must. What makes a background cool, you might ask? It literally could be anything – you just have to sell it. Take a selfie in front of a garbage can, label it with #ME, and watch the likes pour in. Be silly, be serious, be anything that you want, but for the love of all that is holy – be DIFFERENT.

selfieee3

^^^ Being on top of the world is a pretty sweet background!

5) Give Me Face: Every selfie star has those little quirks that they do when they’re taking pics. Whether it be laughing out loud or giving duck face for days, find what expression works for your face and own it. I, personally, love an angular look. When I snap pictures I bite down on my jaw to give a more defined line. I also slightly suck in my cheeks to give the illusion of cheek bones to cut glass – but shh don’t tell! It’s a selfie secret! 😉
If you’re not keen on edgy cool but love a boho glow, inhale when the camera snaps for a “you just caught me picking flowers from the forbidden garden” face. Sounds silly? It is. But once you find that little quirk that works for you, your selfie game is about to change infinitely. Now, give me face, mother!
With these pro tips compliments of Lil Red, your next selfies are going to be so Instagram worthy that you’re not even going to be able to handle it. Just imagine what your followers are going to think! I taught you how to give face, but now, let Aura Frames teach you some tech savvy ways to up your selfie game even more in this infographic. Snap some gorgeous pics and snag yourself one of Aura Frame’s Digital Picture Frames for the perfect gift for your SO/parent/sister/friend or anyone else that likes looking at you!

info.jpg

What are your tips and tricks for taking the perfect selfie? What is your preferred form of social media? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Bonus Tip: Always, ALWAYS include dogs in your selfies if you can!! My featured image photo can attest to that! 😉 ❤

Battle Of The Sexes: How Men And Women Get Ready

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Battle Of The Sexes: How Men And Women Get Ready

You’re going out. Maybe it’s date night, or perhaps an evening out with friends to celebrate a special occasion. Both you and your boyfriend have agreed what time you need to leave; you have to be out of the door by 8 PM/8:15 at the very, very latest.

So the clock starts ticking. *Que Jeopardy theme*

vss.pngClocks can’t rush perfection. 😉

6 PM; You: “I guess I better start thinking of what I’m going to wear…”

You head to your closet and start inspecting literally everything that you own. Of course, none of it is acceptable; a closet full of gorgeous clothing but nothing that you’re enthused about wearing. You try on a few outfits, but none of them seem to be the right look for the night.

6 PM; Boyfriend: “Oh that’s right, we’re going out.”

And then promptly forgets about it, continuing on with the task he was doing beforehand. SMH.

6:30 PM; You: “What are you wearing?”

Having finally decided on your own outfit, you decide it’s probably a decent idea to make sure your boyfriend isn’t going to clash. You track him down and ask what he’s wearing.

6:30 PM; BF: “I haven’t really thought about it, to be honest.” (Typical.)

He doesn’t panic, though. It’s pretty simple for men; pants and some kind of shirt will suffice for the vast majority of occasions. He’s sure something is clean. He looks puzzled when you mention the idea of color clashing (What does that even mean?!).

6:45 PM; You: “Getting my groom on.” AYYY

You head to the bathroom to begin the process of getting ready. It’s actually one that you quite like, so you’re happy to spend some time going through the familiar motions of preparing yourself for the world.

You shower. You moisturize. You brush leave-in conditioner through your hair. You wrap your hair in a towel (which you boyfriend proclaims to be “witchcraft, when it’s really just strategically placed tucks and folds). You’re ready for phase two.

7 PM; BF: “Oh, I guess I should shower, as well, shouldn’t I?”

Reminded only by the fact that you’ve showered, he hops into the bathroom himself and does his routine. It’s a bit shorter than yours; shower, shave, a little bit of manscaping, aftershave, and then he’s good to go. He heads to get dressed.

7 PM -7.30; You: “Primer, foundation, concealer, eyeshadow…”

You know the motions of getting ready by now and the routine is smooth and simple. It takes a while – don’t worry, even women with the steadiest of hands aren’t able to apply eyeliner flawlessly on the first attempt – but you know that you’ve got time. With your makeup done, all you need to do is put your pre-chosen outfit on and do your hair. Job done. Well, nearly.

7:30 PM; BF: “I really did think I had something clean…”

After a panicked look through his entire wardrobe, he finally alights on an outfit that looks presentable. He’s ready.

7:45 PM; You: “Are you sure this looks okay?”

Still preening in the mirror, you’ve suddenly taken wildly against the outfit that you selected less than two hours prior. (It happens to the best of us.)

7:50 PM; BF: “Yes it’s fine. You look fine. Great. Can we go?”

8 PM; Both Of You: Finally ready, you head out of the door for your night out. You might have taken different routes to get to this point, but you got there in the end and that’s all that matters!

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Looking good feeling great.

Everyone has a different getting ready routine and as long as you get from Point A to Point B on time, you can’t really complain about your SO’s totally annoying pre date night process! 😉

Exciting News!!

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Exciting News!!

Helloooo everyone and TGIF! So earlier this week, I got contacted by one of my former teachers inquiring about a consultation with yours truly for her humor based memoir. We had our first meeting today and it went absolutely swimmingly. I will be helping her out as far as editing/prompting/and adding on goes and it’s such a joy to learn more about someone who I considered one of my “favorites” in high school.

Because lifewithlilred is a platform for all voices, not just mine, some excerpts from her short stories will be featured on my page for your viewing pleasure. Feedback is an important part of the writing process, so it only makes sense to showcase her work to my darling readers so we can hear all of your thoughts! I am SO excited for what promises to be a fantastic partnership and am looking forward to sharing some of the works in progress with all of you! ❤

Who else has some exciting news to share? What are you up to this weekend? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Panty Palooza

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Panty Palooza

Helloooo everyone and happy Tuesday! If you guys have been following my Panty Problems series, then you’ll know that we left off on a good note – a Silver Linings PantyBook, if you will. My online order to Aerie finally arrived over the weekend and I am so happy to say that all seven panties that I paid a whole $27.50 for were winners!

You guys have no idea how badly I needed this panty win after so many underoo trials and tribulations. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I opened my package from Aerie and hated every single panty that I ordered. At that point, I would probs just set fire to my entire panty drawer AND the rain, while I’m at it. Luckily for all parties involved, that wasn’t the case. Take a look at my Panty Palooza purchases and let’s discuss:

palooza1palooza2palooza

^^^ PANTY PARTY!

So, yes. Thanks to Aerie’s staggeringly better selection online as opposed to when I went to visit them in stores, I was able to replenish my panty drawer. I got me some boyshorts, cheekies, a thong for good measure, and a new pair of period panties (it should be obvious which one that is!). I’ve grown increasingly fond of the boyshort as of late so I’m really excited about all three of my new pairs of those! They are so cute and comfy and I cant wait to wear them as a set with a pretty bra or under an oversized T for when I go to bed. The panty possibilities are endless!

After evaluating my seven new panties and relishing the purchase, which proved to be satisfactory, I began the task of organizing my panty drawer. I’ll be honest with you guys, I am a complete and total clothing hoarder. If I have that whisper in the back of my mind that says “you might be able to wear that four years from now” you best believe that I’m going to keep whatever that article of clothing is. Even panties.

My panty drawer is something that I rarely go through because I never really think of it. Especially considering that I have my favorite pairs of panties and everything else just becomes kind of forgotten in my panty plethora. This had to change. I emptied out my panty drawer, organized my underoos by color, and parted with some dearly beloved panty friends.

It was sad to see some of my fallen panty warriors end up in the trash, but I was happy to be reminded of all of the panties that I had forgotten about by picking favorites. A solid clean through of my panty drawer left me feeling like I had way more than seven new pairs to pick from, because of all of the ones that I wasn’t even aware that I had – so that was a major plus!

Although this journey began with some major Panty Problems, all’s well that ends well, because it was a straight up Panty Palooza this weekend! Three cheers for sweet little underthings and also three cheers for me for finally getting the panty revamp that I so desperately needed.

So there you have it, the Panty Problems series conclusion: Panty Palooza. I am so BLESSED that my panty odyssey had a happy ending and now, you guys can rest assured that you won’t read the word PANTY on my blog for a very long time! Where do you love to buy lingerie from? What store has the best selection? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Panty P.S.: Have any of my readers shopped Adore Me? I’m intrigued and I want to know if it’s worth the hype before making a purchase! Thanks! ❤