Hellooo everyone and welcome to the synopsis post of the newest episode of American Horror Story: Hotel entitled “Flicker”. As you guys know, I don’t care for season five too much but now is not the time for opinions because I’m here to give you all of the facts from episode seven. We learned a lot of new intel on the hotel so let’s get to it:

They’re in the walls, HELPPPP: Tonight’s episode began with Will Drake overseeing the renovations to the Cortez. As he chats with his son about the possibility of him marrying the Countess (his blonde lady friend), he’s interrupted by a worker who tells him that he’s going to have to see a discovery that they made for himself. The walls that were currently being broken down were lined with one solid inch of steel. Drake tells the workers to get it torn down ASAP because he’s running on a tight schedule and leaves the unfortunate gentlemen to it.

Once the workers have created an opening in the steel with their handy dandy welding tools they enter what appears to be an abandoned hallway. “It smells like shit in here”, complains Guy #1. “No, it smells like death”, says Guy #2. As soon as the gentlemen venture deeper into the hallway, they are attacked and killed by two very old and very thirsty vampires. #bummer

Life is hard for Detective Lowe: While hella murders are going on at the Cortez, John Lowe is safely tucked away in a mental hospital being evaluated. While talking to a psychologist he confides that he “feels like everything is closing in” on him, which he blames on his current situations with Alex, Scarlett, and work. We then learn that John decided he “needs professional help” after he attacked a fellow detective who caught him in the office building looking at the information on the Ten Commandments Killer. #yikes

The Countess’s back story: Hotel manager, Iris, takes the Countess to inspect the new discovery in the walls of the Cortez and is shocked to see genuine fear strike the face of the fearless lady vamp. With a new found knowledge on her back story that begins all the way back in old Hollywood, it’s easy to understand why.

We are taken to a set for a silent film where the Countess plays an extra and Finn Wittrock AKA Valentino plays the dashing male lead. The Countess ogles at the hunk for most of the shooting and is then delivered a message that he would like her to join him for dinner that evening. She happily accepts and we find ourselves in the magnificent home of Valentino where the starlets engage in conversation about film. “I think the flickers are the future”, the Countess gushes, “to be immortal is to be up on that screen.”

After a small spoken error which Valentino blames on his poor English, he offers his hand for the Countess to join him in a dance and they get their groove on. As things are getting hot and heavy as far as dance moves go, Valentino’s wife walks into the room which shocks the Countess because she was under the assumption that they were divorced. Once some mild cattiness passes from the wife to the Countess, she tells her that “gods have appetites” and then the women dance, kiss, and have a nice little menage-a-trios with Valentino. #wawawoowewa

Thanks to this wild night in pleasure town, the Countess is in love but she declines to tell her girlfriend about the lucky man (and woman) while they attend a party for the opening of the Cortez. James March pops some champagne and all seems to be going well until a newsie reports that the actor Valentino is dead. Stricken with grief, the Countess runs out of the room and to the nearest window and prepares to jump. But does she do it? NO, she doesn’t because she is grabbed by March and helped back into the building. “Let me go”, she cries. “No, I don’t suppose I will”, March replies. “In fact, I may never let you go”.

Time passes and we are now in cemetery where socialites are discussing the newspaper rumors of a “Lady In Black” who apparently comes to Valentino’s resting place and leaves a single red rose every day. Their gossip is stopped short, however, once the Countess appears, donned completely in black. As she places her rose, she realizes that one of the ladies is Valentino’s wife. The Countess bitterly remarks that she wasn’t even at the funeral to which the wife curtly replies, “why would I go to a funeral for a man who isn’t even dead”? And then, Valentino appears.

The Countess is shocked, obviously, and the handsome devil says that it was his stunt double that died and was buried like it was nothing. (Take note that Valentino mostly did his own stunts!) The couple informs the Countess that they know of her marriage to March that happened shortly after the “death” of Valentino. “If I was to live in a world of grief”, she says, “I wanted to be surrounded by beautiful things”. We then see a montage of wild sex and the Countess walking in on March tending to a recently murdered body. She then encourages her hubby to select people of wealth to kill and that she wants to watch next time. #hubbahubba

Valentino then shares his side of the story, which took place while he was on a promotional tour for one of his upcoming films. Every location that he traveled to via train he was followed by a solitary man who wasn’t a reporter. Valentino began seeing him everywhere until one night he awoke to find him in his room. The man explains that he was some fancy pants director and that soon silent films would be no more. He wanted to preserve Valentino’s perfection and then turned him.

After Valentino was turned, rumors began to spread that he was very sick and he did nothing to stop them. Once he returned home, he turned his wife and now they are here as a chic vampire couple offering to turn the Countess. She accepts this offer and believes that they will be together forever. The trio indulges in some good old fashioned blood drinking against a stained glass window and Mr. March happens to see the whole thing.

So what happens next? I’m so glad you asked! As the Countess and March meet up for their monthly dinner together, we learn what happened to the beautiful couple that the Countess was so smitten with. After March sees her with Valentino and his wifey he has both of them beaten unconscious and they awake in a room at the Cortez. The woman opens a curtain to see a solid wall of bricks and when Valentino opens the door he sees a hallway with no exits.#ohshit

“Oh my god”, the Countess says shakily. “Yes, your god trapped in the walls of the palace that I built for my queen”. But not anymore, because as dinner continues a newly revitalized couple exits the Cortez to explore the world that they were locked away from for all those years. (Thanks to the blood of the realtor from Murder House and some strippers.)

A new lead on the Ten Commandments Killer: As John wanders around the hospital, he overhears some employees talking about the TCK who they say is in the hospital right now in the restricted ward. Lowe uses this knowledge to his advantage and hits the guard at the front of the ward over the head and steals his keys. He then makes his way to room 153 which supposedly houses the TCK. #snap

He opens the door to find a young girl named Wren, who also happens to be one of the Countess’s vampire children. We learn that Wren has assisted the TCK and was there at every crime scene. She says that at the most recent TCK attack, he almost got caught and then it was all her fault. This makes John sympathize with her because she reminds him of his own daughter who he feels blames herself for all of his current problems.

“When I was young, my daddy told me he couldn’t wait for me to grow up and I would be his little lady”, Wren said. Wren’s father was a drunk and left his daughter in his car during a sweltering hot day to drink at the Cortez. That’s when the Countess found her and turned her because as we learned earlier, she has a thing for neglected children.

Wren tells John that he has to get her out of here so that she can show him where the TCK lives. So just like that, they escape – because it’s soooo easy to break out of a mental hospital. Wren says that they need to go home to the Cortez. “I really like you. I hate to see it end. Goodbye John”, Wren declares and runs into the street only to get hit at full speed by a bus. #ouch #endscene

So there you have it, the synopsis post of this week’s episode of American Horror Story: Hotel, “Flicker”. What did everyone think of the back story for the Countess? How does everyone feel about season five so far? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah