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I’ll Tell You What I Thought, What I Really Really Thought (AHS Episode 7)

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I’ll Tell You What I Thought, What I Really Really Thought (AHS Episode 7)

Alright everyone, I need you to know that I’ve tried – but I can’t do it anymore. I’m going to go right out and say it: This season SUCKS. Believe me, I’ve tried SO hard to get into it. I’ve had faith week after week that the episodes are going to get better, but alas, they’re not and I’m thoroughly disappointed. The newest episode of American Horror Story: Hotel entitled “Flicker” will receive my lowest ratings of the season with: half a star. “Why?” You might ask. Well, let me tell ya:

Where is the horror?!: Yes, this season has boasted some terrible and shameful scenes, however, I wouldn’t classify Hotel as “scary” in the slightest. Yes, things get a little bit gory on the show – but is that truly frightening? No. There hasn’t been one moment during season five where I’ve truly been scared and therefore, I’m not a fan. “Flicker” offered quite a lengthy back story on the Countess as well as a possible lead on the Ten Commandments Killer and that’s about it. Did anything really “happen” in the episode? No, not really. I was bored to tears. #sorrynotsorry

Where is the plot going?!: What is this season even about? Lol, seriously someone please enlighten me because the multiple plots that have been introduced are going nowhere fast. There hasn’t been one solid and steady plot throughout the entire season and to me, that’s unacceptable. I have no idea where the episodes are going and what they have to do with the big picture. It’s so evident that Ryan Murphy bit off more than he can chew and I think it was a big mistake casting Lady Gaga. All the Countess seems to do on the show is offer a fashionable presence, which I feel is exactly what she wanted. As I’ve said multiple times, give me Jessica Lange or give me nothing because this show is a flop without her.

boohoo

Where is the acting?!: As a person who loves the theater, I hate “hating” on actors – but the acting on Hotel is sub par at best. Sarah Paulson is dull. Wes Bentley is dull. Chloe Sevigny is dull. Lady Gaga is dull. It’s all very very boring. All of the characters seem to be talking but saying nothing and frankly, it looks like all of the actors were half asleep when they were shooting because their eyes are all glazed over and they look just as confused as the viewers. What drew me in to American Horror Story was that it was a television show that had really phenomenal  actors – and most of the actors on Hotel are phenomenal but they just aren’t bringing it. No one is doing it for me and I’m just completely over it.

*Breaths deeply*…Wow, I really needed to get that off of my chest because it’s been building up for a PHAT minute. As mentioned earlier, episode seven – “Flicker” received half a star for poor acting, a crummy story line, and an overall snooze fest of an episode. Better luck next week, AHS.

I Told You What I Thought, What I Really Really Thought of episode seven of American Horror Story: Hotel, “Flicker”, and now it’s your turn! What are your thoughts on the episode and season in general? Who do you think is the Ten Commandments Killer? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

PS: For the record, I don’t think that John Lowe is the Ten Commandments Killer. I know a lot of people think so but it just seems like too obvious of a choice for him to be the TCK. #quotemeonit

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American Horror Story: Hotel “Flicker”

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American Horror Story: Hotel “Flicker”

Hellooo everyone and welcome to the synopsis post of the newest episode of American Horror Story: Hotel entitled “Flicker”. As you guys know, I don’t care for season five too much but now is not the time for opinions because I’m here to give you all of the facts from episode seven. We learned a lot of new intel on the hotel so let’s get to it:

They’re in the walls, HELPPPP: Tonight’s episode began with Will Drake overseeing the renovations to the Cortez. As he chats with his son about the possibility of him marrying the Countess (his blonde lady friend), he’s interrupted by a worker who tells him that he’s going to have to see a discovery that they made for himself. The walls that were currently being broken down were lined with one solid inch of steel. Drake tells the workers to get it torn down ASAP because he’s running on a tight schedule and leaves the unfortunate gentlemen to it.

Once the workers have created an opening in the steel with their handy dandy welding tools they enter what appears to be an abandoned hallway. “It smells like shit in here”, complains Guy #1. “No, it smells like death”, says Guy #2. As soon as the gentlemen venture deeper into the hallway, they are attacked and killed by two very old and very thirsty vampires. #bummer

Life is hard for Detective Lowe: While hella murders are going on at the Cortez, John Lowe is safely tucked away in a mental hospital being evaluated. While talking to a psychologist he confides that he “feels like everything is closing in” on him, which he blames on his current situations with Alex, Scarlett, and work. We then learn that John decided he “needs professional help” after he attacked a fellow detective who caught him in the office building looking at the information on the Ten Commandments Killer. #yikes

The Countess’s back story: Hotel manager, Iris, takes the Countess to inspect the new discovery in the walls of the Cortez and is shocked to see genuine fear strike the face of the fearless lady vamp. With a new found knowledge on her back story that begins all the way back in old Hollywood, it’s easy to understand why.

We are taken to a set for a silent film where the Countess plays an extra and Finn Wittrock AKA Valentino plays the dashing male lead. The Countess ogles at the hunk for most of the shooting and is then delivered a message that he would like her to join him for dinner that evening. She happily accepts and we find ourselves in the magnificent home of Valentino where the starlets engage in conversation about film. “I think the flickers are the future”, the Countess gushes, “to be immortal is to be up on that screen.”

After a small spoken error which Valentino blames on his poor English, he offers his hand for the Countess to join him in a dance and they get their groove on. As things are getting hot and heavy as far as dance moves go, Valentino’s wife walks into the room which shocks the Countess because she was under the assumption that they were divorced. Once some mild cattiness passes from the wife to the Countess, she tells her that “gods have appetites” and then the women dance, kiss, and have a nice little menage-a-trios with Valentino. #wawawoowewa

Thanks to this wild night in pleasure town, the Countess is in love but she declines to tell her girlfriend about the lucky man (and woman) while they attend a party for the opening of the Cortez. James March pops some champagne and all seems to be going well until a newsie reports that the actor Valentino is dead. Stricken with grief, the Countess runs out of the room and to the nearest window and prepares to jump. But does she do it? NO, she doesn’t because she is grabbed by March and helped back into the building. “Let me go”, she cries. “No, I don’t suppose I will”, March replies. “In fact, I may never let you go”.

Time passes and we are now in cemetery where socialites are discussing the newspaper rumors of a “Lady In Black” who apparently comes to Valentino’s resting place and leaves a single red rose every day. Their gossip is stopped short, however, once the Countess appears, donned completely in black. As she places her rose, she realizes that one of the ladies is Valentino’s wife. The Countess bitterly remarks that she wasn’t even at the funeral to which the wife curtly replies, “why would I go to a funeral for a man who isn’t even dead”? And then, Valentino appears.

The Countess is shocked, obviously, and the handsome devil says that it was his stunt double that died and was buried like it was nothing. (Take note that Valentino mostly did his own stunts!) The couple informs the Countess that they know of her marriage to March that happened shortly after the “death” of Valentino. “If I was to live in a world of grief”, she says, “I wanted to be surrounded by beautiful things”. We then see a montage of wild sex and the Countess walking in on March tending to a recently murdered body. She then encourages her hubby to select people of wealth to kill and that she wants to watch next time. #hubbahubba

Valentino then shares his side of the story, which took place while he was on a promotional tour for one of his upcoming films. Every location that he traveled to via train he was followed by a solitary man who wasn’t a reporter. Valentino began seeing him everywhere until one night he awoke to find him in his room. The man explains that he was some fancy pants director and that soon silent films would be no more. He wanted to preserve Valentino’s perfection and then turned him.

After Valentino was turned, rumors began to spread that he was very sick and he did nothing to stop them. Once he returned home, he turned his wife and now they are here as a chic vampire couple offering to turn the Countess. She accepts this offer and believes that they will be together forever. The trio indulges in some good old fashioned blood drinking against a stained glass window and Mr. March happens to see the whole thing.

So what happens next? I’m so glad you asked! As the Countess and March meet up for their monthly dinner together, we learn what happened to the beautiful couple that the Countess was so smitten with. After March sees her with Valentino and his wifey he has both of them beaten unconscious and they awake in a room at the Cortez. The woman opens a curtain to see a solid wall of bricks and when Valentino opens the door he sees a hallway with no exits.#ohshit

“Oh my god”, the Countess says shakily. “Yes, your god trapped in the walls of the palace that I built for my queen”. But not anymore, because as dinner continues a newly revitalized couple exits the Cortez to explore the world that they were locked away from for all those years. (Thanks to the blood of the realtor from Murder House and some strippers.)

A new lead on the Ten Commandments Killer: As John wanders around the hospital, he overhears some employees talking about the TCK who they say is in the hospital right now in the restricted ward. Lowe uses this knowledge to his advantage and hits the guard at the front of the ward over the head and steals his keys. He then makes his way to room 153 which supposedly houses the TCK. #snap

He opens the door to find a young girl named Wren, who also happens to be one of the Countess’s vampire children. We learn that Wren has assisted the TCK and was there at every crime scene. She says that at the most recent TCK attack, he almost got caught and then it was all her fault. This makes John sympathize with her because she reminds him of his own daughter who he feels blames herself for all of his current problems.

“When I was young, my daddy told me he couldn’t wait for me to grow up and I would be his little lady”, Wren said. Wren’s father was a drunk and left his daughter in his car during a sweltering hot day to drink at the Cortez. That’s when the Countess found her and turned her because as we learned earlier, she has a thing for neglected children.

Wren tells John that he has to get her out of here so that she can show him where the TCK lives. So just like that, they escape – because it’s soooo easy to break out of a mental hospital. Wren says that they need to go home to the Cortez. “I really like you. I hate to see it end. Goodbye John”, Wren declares and runs into the street only to get hit at full speed by a bus. #ouch #endscene

So there you have it, the synopsis post of this week’s episode of American Horror Story: Hotel, “Flicker”. What did everyone think of the back story for the Countess? How does everyone feel about season five so far? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

American Horror Story: Hotel “Room Service”

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American Horror Story: Hotel “Room Service”

Hello everyone! Tonight’s episode of American Horror Story: Hotel entitled “Room Service” was excellent! A lot of craziness went down and we gained some new intel on our lovely cast of characters to boot! Let’s waste no time and get started:

The measles mishap: “Room Service” begins in the hospital where the newly turned Alex is a doctor. This season we tagged along as she cared for one of her patients who contracted measles because his mother didn’t vaccinate him. The boy, named Max, appears to be in bleak condition and Alex urges his mother to go get some rest. In the mean time, a weak and blood thirsty lady-vamp goes to the blood supply storage room to drink up and draw some blood of her own. She then tries an unconventional method of curing her young patient by ejecting her blood into his IV. As soon as the blood enters his body his heart rate skyrockets and he begins to convulse…

But fear not! The next morning Alex enters Max’s room to find his bed empty. The boy then comes running in and appears to be good as new. She gives Max’s mother the all clear for him to go home and all is well…until he ends up killing his parents while wearing a pirate costume. #trickortreat

When vampire children attack: After young Max drinks his fill of his parents’ blood he hops on the bus and goes to school to enjoy some Halloween fun. As soon as Max is at school his buzzkill of a teacher reprimands him for having a weapon as part of his costume, a plastic pirate sword, and confiscates it. Max is a tricky little devil though and shows his friend Madeline a real knife he has hidden in his boot. Max then leads Madi into a closet for some chatting and a little k-i-s-s-i-n-g and he ends up biting the girl’s lip. She immediately pulls away in pain and then Max bites his own lip and tells her that “we’re even” and kisses her again so their blood can mingle. #happyhalloween

After the Halloween party at the grade school comes to an end the day’s lessons begin and the teacher finds that Max and Madi’s chairs are empty. She asks her students where they could be and they all laugh and point to the closet. The teacher enters the vampires’ hideaway and as soon as she comes in Max slits her throat and urges Madi to drink her blood. This is when all hell breaks loose. The other students begin getting turned and a little boy ends up falling into the hallway which alerts another teacher. The man enters the room to see what’s going on and Max ends up cutting him too and encourages all of his classmates to drink his blood. “Drink it. It will make you feel AWESOME!” …Well, you didn’t have to tell me twice. #imsold

The teacher whom the kids have all swarmed upon like lions at a gazelle carcass (imagery!) manages to escape and runs to the front office and the school goes on lock down immediately. The SWAT team arrives to find the bodies of teachers strewn across the floor and a bunch of traumatized looking students. Once they clear the building the bloodied kids exit and find their parents. As the detectives begin to speak with them they all tell a similar story of a large masked man who attacked them. These vampirelings be crafty and SHAMEFUL!!

A very Ramona visit: Our last encounter with Ramona Royal ended with her telling Donovan that he was useless to her because he was no longer close to the Countess. But now, Donovan thinks otherwise thanks to his newly turned mom and manager of the Cortez, Iris. He offers his mother to Ramona because she is the best bet they have at taking the Countess down, which Donovan now wants desperately. Ramona is a fan of the plan – “you’re reckless. I like that” she says to her new partner in crime and Operation Take Countess Down is a go! Yeah!

Iris + Cleo = BFFs: Some beautiful bonding between Iris and the fabulous Cleo happens in “Room Service” which was such a joy to watch. As soon as Iris returns from Royal’s, Cleo can tell that something is up. Iris insists that she just needs to get some sleep but Cleo takes her to the bar and pours her some blood into a martini glass…Cleo knows all. After Iris drinks up, the most obnoxiously rude, asshole, hipster couple wants to check in to the Cortez. And when I say that they’re awful, I mean they are aw-ful. They’re the type of hipsters that make me hate all hipsters and they do a fantastic job of pushing all of Iris’s buttons.

After a phone call to the front desk from the couple requesting a food order leaves Iris in tears, Cleo comes to the rescue. “What did they want?” he asks her. Mid-sob Iris replies, “they want pate” cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Cleo and Iris then head into the kitchen to create some pate magic compliments of the Cortez and cat food and share in a glorious heart to heart about Cleo’s back story.

denis

The life of Liz Taylor: We learn that Cleo, originally Nick Pryer, was a married man who wed his wife because they wore the same dress size and she married him because there was no one else. They had a son together and Nick worked as a medical rep whose responsibility was to shmooze with the doctors during nights on the town. During a trip, Nick and his coworkers ended up staying at the Cortez. That night, the associates went out to a strip club while Nick opted for a night in playing dress up. We see Nick trying on a slip, heels, and fur coat and he gushes that he was “trannnnnnnsformed”. #loveit

In celebration, Nick ordered a bottle of champagne and once he turned to reenter his room, the Countess was standing in front of him clear as day. She tells him that she was watching him as soon as he entered the hotel. “You look like a man and walk like a man but you smell like a woman” she told him. Nick begins to cry, “you’re so beautiful” he sobs. The Countess asks him why he cries to which Nick answers, “I feel ugly”. A riveting pep talk from the Countess follows and she encourages him to “become who you were born to be…a goddess”. #bornthisway

Nick becomes the Countess’ living doll and she gives him the makeover of a life time. She shaves his head, applies makeup and jewelry, and dubs him “Liz Taylor”. Once the transformation is complete she urges Liz to join her for a night on the town but he tells her that he’s not ready. “Goddesses don’t speak in whispers” she tells him, “they scream”. So for a start, Liz goes down the hall to get some more ice and as he returns to his room he runs into his coworkers who call him a “faggot” and threaten him with telling his wife and everyone at the office. The Countess then steps in and promptly slits both of their throats. #BYE

Liz never got turned by the Countess but instead got hired by her and now works as a drifter through the hotel. You can find Cleo at the bar, front desk, or just roaming the halls looking amazing but one thing is for sure…Denis O’Hare is perfection! Tune in to my opinions post on Friday for more on that! 🙂

#byehipsters: Iris comes knocking on the couple’s door with a delivery cart of cat food pate and red wine. After more disrespectful harassment from the guests, Iris ends up killing them both and drinking their blood. After Iris’ kill, she wheels off the bodies to the chute that goes all the way down to the basement with Cleo’s help. She tells her new friend that she feels like a changed woman and that she “never knew how to live until she died”. After the bodies are disposed of, they enjoy the red wine off of the couples’ cart and clink their glasses to a job well done. #waytogo

John Lowe, you’re fired: After John’s disturbing evening as a guest of James March’s Devil’s Night Soiree, we find him talking about the events with his superior. He tells him that he thinks he found a copycat cult that reenacts famous murders and that he believes that March is the Ten Commandments Killer. Lowe’s superior does not seem to be enthused about these findings, however, and reminds him of the psychiatric breakdown that occurred after Holden was kidnapped. This does nothing to add to John Lowe’s increasingly shitty reputation and he ends up getting fired. #suckstosuck John also learns after he wakes up next to Sally that they had some super rough hanky-panky judging by the scratches that he’s covered with and he doesn’t remember a thing. #suckstosuckagain

fired

Alex’s new job: “Room Service” ends with Alex receiving a description of her new job from the Countess. She is to act as the governess to her vampire children and live a life of loyalty to her. “Mommy, you’re just like me now”, Holden tells her. Alex then puts her little boy to bed in his coffin and climbs in with him for some sleepy time snuggles. #socute

So there you have it, the synopsis of the newest episode of American Horror Story: Hotel “Room Service”. How did everyone feel about tonight’s episode? Who loved Cleo’s back story? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

I’ll Tell You What I Thought, What I Really Really Thought (AHS Episode 3)

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I’ll Tell You What I Thought, What I Really Really Thought (AHS Episode 3)

Heyyy everyone and TGIF! The newest episode of American Horror Story: Hotel entitled “Mommy” premiered on Wednesday and now it’s time for my personal opinions on it. There were some things that I loved, some things that I wanted more of, and some things that I didn’t particularly care for, so let’s discuss:

Introduction of Ramona Royal – LOVED: I adore the fabulous Miss Angela Bassett. I think that she’s completely and totally fantastic so I was so pleased that they gave her character an introduction fit for the queen that she is. From the scenes of her campy B-list movies to her kidnapping of Donovan, I thought that it was flawless. I hope that she gives the Countess a run for her money (or lack thereof) because I still can’t get in to Lady Gaga. My fingers are crossed that Bassett gets significant screen time this season to fill the humongous void that was left by my beloved Jessica Lange.

boohoo

^^^ Yes, I used this meme during last week’s opinion post but it just seemed to fit so well after my J-Lange swan song!

Ten Commandments Killer – Want more of: Detective John Lowe is hunting after a serial killer who murders people who break one or many of the Ten Commandments and I am such a fan of this idea. I think that it’s edgy, I think that it’s cool, and I think that I desperately want this story line to develop more. It seems like in every episode we only get a brief look into a crime scene that the TCK left behind and then that plot twist completely disappears. I think that Ryan Murphy and his sublime team were extremely creative with coming up with ways that people could get killed based off of the Ten Commandments. In episode three, for example, Detective Lowe enters an office building for a gossip magazine and all of the employees have their tongues nailed to whatever surface they are nearest to for “thou shalt not bear false witness”. That’s brilliant, now give me more of it!

The Countess’s sexcapades – Hate: I’M SO OVER IT! And I swear it’s not just me who’s dogging on Lady Gaga because of my personal distaste for her being on the show…Literally 99% of the people who I interact with on social media agree that they’re getting sick of every scene that the Countess is involved in being a sex scene. It’s tacky, it’s cheap, and it’s so overdone that I just can’t deal. I have seen literally no real acting from Gaga since her debut on the show which is why I don’t care for her as the leading lady. Anyone could do what she’s doing right now and I genuinely believe that. As soon as I see some range in the scenes that she’s involved in I’ll definitely have more love for her, but until then, I’m over the hump fest.

“No pity party in my bar!” -Cleopatra (And can I just say that Denis O’Hare does not get enough credit on AHS. He’s SO underrated despite his brilliance as an actor. I think he’s doing a terrific job and I wish Cleo was getting more screen time because I’m kind of obsessed.)

Over all, I thought that “Mommy” was good. Once again, it wasn’t “OMG” worthy, but it was good. Every episode since the premiere has been improving slowly but surely so I’m going to give episode three: three stars.

^^^ DA DA DA DA DA DA DA, MEET ME AT THE CORTEZ!!!!

You can catch me at the same time same place next week for a synopsis and opinions post on the new episode of American Horror Story: Hotel. Until then, what did everyone think of “Mommy”? What did you love? What could be improved on? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah