Jul23

If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy Edition

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If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy Edition

Helloooo everyone and welcome to another edition of If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy style!! My brother is getting married this Saturday so it only seemed right to write about the heels that I’ll be wearing for the big day! Take a look at some pics and then let’s discuss:

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^^^ Ugh. So in love!

My big bro got engaged a year ago and everyone was simply thrilled. A month or so after the engagement announcement an approximate date of when the wedding would be was told to my family. I kid you not, as soon as I found out that the wedding was a go I immediately began shopping for the perfect ensemble. Thanks to ModCloth I scored a gorgeous floral dress (as seen in the PicStitch photo) and my Mojo Moxy bootie heels. I ordered my outfit the day I found it and my dress and shoes have been waiting patiently in my closet for almost an entire year. I haven’t worn either of them and the anticipation to break out a brand new look is killing me! Waiting to wear the dress hasn’t been so hard but not wearing the shoes has been TORTURE! As soon as I get a new addition to my shoe collection I wear them ASAP. I honestly can’t believe the self control that I’ve had to not break these beauty booties out…And neither can my family and friends for that matter!

I wanted my look for the wedding to be unique but I didn’t want it to be an “everyone look at me” ensemble. My goal was to take a classic wedding staple like a floral dress and give it a modern spin. I think my purchases achieved this beautifully! What I love about the dress is that it’s a fresh take on a floral print because the colors are so rich as opposed to the usual pastels. In all honesty though, I was more concerned about the shoes than anything! I knew that my heels had to match my dress to the T to form a cohesive look so it was definitely a fashion life or death situation to find the winning pair!

When I order items off of ModCloth, I want it to be pieces that I know for a fact I won’t find anything similar to while I’m out shopping. A lot of the shoes I browsed through looked like things that I could find during a trip to the mall or Goodwill – until I laid eyes on my Mojo Moxys! I had never seen anything like these babies before and I had nothing that even came close to them in my personal collection. From the velvet laces to the tulip shape, I knew that these heels were “the one”. I’m sure the feelings that I have for these bad boys are very similar to how my brother feels for his fiance! The passionate yearning that I felt for these heels deep down in my loins was enough to make me stop my shoe search and place the order for the Mojo Moxys and my dress right then and there.

The week of waiting for my ModCloth delivery felt like an eternity…And then finally, my purchases arrived. I can’t even begin to tell you what it was like to open my ModCloth package to inspect the possible outfit that I would be wearing to my big brother’s wedding! Hello, anxiety! All I wanted was for the pieces to be perfect – is that so much to ask for? I ripped open the plastic to the dress and it was stunning! I pulled off the lid to the shoe box and…Navy blue?? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!

“Navy blue,” I thought to myself frantically, “NAVY FUCKING BLUE?!” Clearly, I was somewhat freaking out – but I just couldn’t help it! The thing about these heels is that I thought they were black as I placed my order. I was banking on them being black so that they would match the base color of my dress. The color quality on the ModCloth picture was not that great, so it definitely came as a bit of a shock when I got to see my shoe babies in real life. I was so excited about these heels and it was kind of devastating to open the lid of the box and not see jet black…Deep breaths Sarah, deep breaths.

I cooled my overheated fashion engine and took a closer look at my purchases. As I looked over the dress again, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. Amongst all of the lovely flowers that adorn my dress, there happens to be some blooms that are NAVY FUCKING BLUE. I let out a squeal of delight, stripped off my clothes, and slipped my dress on. Then, I pulled out all of the paper stuffing the heels and put them on as well. I ran to the bathroom and squeezed my eyes shut before I took a look at the finished product in the mirror…And it was perfection. ❤

So there you have it, the dramatic saga of If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy Edition. I hope all of you enjoyed reading this post just as much as I did writing it! So now I need your help…What shoes should I write about next? Your choices are between army green Guess summer heels, Vera Wang black lace up wedges, or Calico primary color kitten heels. I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul22

Woman Crush Wednesday: Angelina Jolie Edition

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Woman Crush Wednesday: Angelina Jolie Edition

Hellooooo everyone and happy Hump Day! Welcome to this weeks edition of Woman Crush Wednesday – Angelina Jolie style! My love for this woman’s cheekbones and her herd of children knows no bounds! Those are just a few of the many reasons why Miss Jolie has won the coveted spot of being Lil Red’s #WCW…Let’s discuss:

Dear Angelina Jolie,

Oh Angelina, you stylish, sophisticated, and stunning starlet – you truly are my dream woman. Words seriously can’t even begin to describe how beautiful I think you are inside and out! From your red carpet glamour to your running around with your children street wear, you are a total babe. SHWING! I love your tattoos, smile, and most importantly those glorious cheekbones! I’m a real softie for magnificent bone structure and girl, you’ve got it. I could go into detail about all of the movies that you’ve been in that I love but I think that I would prefer to talk about your humanitarian work instead. First of all, I think that it’s so noble that you have both adopted and biological children instead of solely having your own fresh from the womb babies. I admire that so much, especially because if I ever have kids I only want to adopt. I always enjoy reading about all of the amazing work that you do with children from all around the world and it never ceases to make me smile when I see pictures of you playing with the little ones that you visit. I genuinely appreciate how you use your celebrity status to do good because I don’t think that there is enough of that going on in Hollywood. My recommendation for you, other than to keep doing what you’re doing, is to create your own school or orphanage in one of the countries that you visit. I could not imagine how hard it would be to travel all over and not want to adopt every child that you encounter – so if you have your own establishment it would be like all of the little ones being yours! And if not, just do me a favor and adopt me instead. I know that I’m twenty-one and beyond the adoptable age but please consider it anyways! I LOVE YOU!!!!

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^^^ Oh. My. Gawd. She’s flawless!!! ❤

So there you have it, this weeks Woman Crush Wednesday: Angelina Jolie Edition! I hope that all of you are having a great day so far! Who is your #WCW this week? What is a characteristic about Angelina Jolie that you admire? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul21

Pampering Party!

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Pampering Party!

Helloooo my loves and happy Tuesday! I had a lovely weekend of head to toe pampering starting with dying my hair with my beloved Vidal Sassoon Runway Red dye from their London Luxe collection. My brother is getting married this weekend so best believe that my hair has to be nice and fresh. I’ve been coloring my hair with Runway Red for close to a year now and it has saved me a buttload of money because the color perfectly mimics what I was paying a lot of cash to get done at the salon. While I was waiting for the dye to set I had a half hour of TV time so I figured a selfie was definitely in order! Take a look:

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^^^ Lol, I always joke that I feel like Heatmiser from the Christmas cartoons when I dye my hair so it was absolutely necessary to do a side by side PicStitch! My color turned out beautiful as usual and on Sunday I got my angular haircut shaped up for the wedding so it looks sharp and sleek. I plan on curling my hair and pinning it for the big day so if any of you have some hair styling tips, please let me know!

To keep my red at its brightest at all times, I only wash my hair about two times a month. I’ve been blessed with locks that don’t get greasy or oily so all I need is a dash of dry shampoo to keep it feeling clean. I usually use Batiste or Dove dry shampoo but my mom brought home a can of Herbal Essence’s “Color Me Happy” dry shampoo and I just had to try it. Let me tell you, I’m so glad I did because I absolutely LOVE it! For one, it smells awesome. For two, it makes my hair feel infinitely cleaner than Batiste or Dove. With just a quick spritz of this new product my hair goes from a weeks worth of not washing it to freshly scrubbed in a matter of seconds. If you’re a dry shampoo girl like myself then I can’t recommend this product enough! So fabulous.

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If you recall from an earlier post “Lil Red Shopping Tips: Freebie Edition” then you’ll remember my recent steals from Bath & Body Works. At least once a month I get a free lotion coupon from them in the mail and every time I redeem it I go with my favorite scent called “Beautiful Day”. My go to fragrance is anything apple-y and “Beautiful Day” is the perfect combination of both floral and fruity. Not only does it don my must have scent of apples but the name of the lotion is also the name of my all time favorite song “Be,autiful Day” by U2. You can’t beat that! Every night before bed I lather myself up with my freebie lotion and it’s such a fun treat. The sweet smelling moisturizer goes in so smoothly – you can’t even feel that you have lotion on. That’s a big plus for me because I hate when I wear lotion and it feels greasy. If you’re looking for a new perfume spray or lotion to try, definitely consider “Beautiful Day” from Bath & Body Works!!

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If there’s one thing that Lil Red can never recommend enough, it’s TREATING YOSELF! Nothing makes me feel better than taking some extra time to pamper and love myself. Whether that be a deep conditioning hair treatment or a spritz of a new perfume, I think it’s so important to take the time to make yourself feel good. With small pick me ups throughout the week like a rub down with a new lotion or a stylish new hair cut you’re in for a better mood and an even more fabulous appearance. So to all of my lovely readers: Take ten minutes out of your day and TREAT YOSELF!!!

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So there you have it, my Pampering Party post! I hope all of you are having a great day so far! Does anyone have any tips for curling hair? What’s your favorite Bath & Body Works scent? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul20

Man Crush Monday: David Bowie Edition

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Man Crush Monday: David Bowie Edition

Helloooo everyone and welcome to another edition of Man Crush Monday – David Bowie style! I’ve loved my #MCM since I was a little girl. I was intrigued by his fashion, his unique glam-rock music, and what was hiding behind those beautiful different colored eyes. So here’s to you, D-Bo, and welcome to the land of lifewithlilred!

Dear David Bowie,

Alright, let’s state the obvious – you’re gorgeous. I mean seriously, DAYUM. Everything about you just screams pure European glamour and I can’t get enough. I love looking at pictures of you and witnessing your fearlessness and how confident you are in yourself through your clothing, hair, and makeup. You sir, are stunning. So not only are you everything that my heart desires as far as appearance goes but you are also SO extraordinarily talented. “Suffragette City” was the first song by you that my older brother introduced me to and from that moment on, I was hooked. I must have been nine or ten when I first heard you and it was like nothing I had heard before. Your music has such a fabulous femininity about it but it’s still so distinctively rock n’ roll and I think that’s what really made me gravitate towards it. When I hear your songs I get filled with this confidence that I never knew I had before…it makes me want to grow out a rocker mullet and take on the world! I come from a family of fans of yours so my love for you has done nothing but blossom over the years. This post about you, my sweet David Bowie, would not be complete if I didn’t bring up the movie Labyrinth…So here we go: Your performance in this muppet filled masterpiece was groundbreaking, to say the least. I have no shame in admitting that Labyrinth is one of my all time favorites and that your junk looked AWESOME in those tight pants! Hubba hubba. David Bowie, you are a true gift to the world and I thank you for gracing all of us with your presence. I LOVE YOU!!!

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^^^ My god is he glorious. It’s seriously a dream of mine to recreate that shot of him in the black and white body suit – especially since we’re both rockin the red hair! ❤

So there you have it, my Man Crush Monday: David Bowie Edition! I hope all of you are having a great day so far! Who is your #MCM this week? What is your favorite creative endeavor by my man crush? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul20

Monday Update: Old Faithful Edition

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Monday Update: Old Faithful Edition

Heyy everyone and happy Monday! Sorry that I was MIA this weekend – I was pretty busy with school and reuniting with some of my old tried and true favorite friends. Because of these fabulous hang outs I had an awesome weekend despite one unfortunate encounter! Let’s discuss.

Friday night was absolute perfection minus throwing up for a half hour in my front yard. My darling boy, Seth, took me out for a night of drinking frivolities and heart to hearts. After a bottle of wine and four vodka sours it’s safe to say that Lil Red got white girl wasted! Seth took really good care of a bitch and was such a trooper the entire night, even when I was super sloppy. He’s handsome and kind and a real keeper – especially considering that he had to witness me puking my brains out and made sure that I got in the house okay instead of peaceing out. Seth and I have known each other for over six years now and he still manages to blow me away when I see him. What a guy! Lucky me! 🙂

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^^^ That picture was from the last time we hung out for my birthday! Isn’t he such a cutie?

On Saturday I woke up with the worst hangover in the history of ever, so I spent a lot of the morning and afternoon laying in bed and being miserable. But I had to get up eventually because my beloved basic ass Pantech phone decided to completely stop working. After making myself presentable and eating half of my weight in carbs, my mom and I headed to the Verizon store to get me a new cellie. I’m very anti smart phone simply for the fact that it saves money by not having one so I just went with the basic ass Cosmos to replace my basic ass Pantech. I can text and make phone calls on my new phone and that’s all that really matters to me!

My day on Saturday was going pretty well despite my lingering headache and constant cotton mouth. However, a run in with my ex best friend at Starbucks made my evening kind of sucky f0r three minutes. (I got over it pretty quickly!) It was just very awkward and when I saw her I wanted nothing to do with her – so I guess that’s how you know a friendship is over. After that little run in happened, I decided that I wanted to take advantage of one of my dear friends’ offer to go out with him that night. I met up with one of my favorite ex-coworkers in the world, Nick. Him and I go way back from the time I was sixteen and first starting at PacSun and we’ve been friends ever since. Even though I was really tired I made it out to a bar in Akron that his roommate works at and we had a terrific time! This was our first time going out together where I could drink legally so it was an exciting milestone in our friendship! After a drink or two and a lot of laughing about morbid, vulgar, and completely off putting subjects I called it a night and went home. Being able to hang out with my sweet Nick made going out even though I was exhausted completely worth it!

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^^^ #babes

I’ve had such a blast rekindling relationships with people who I haven’t seen in forever. By losing one friend I gained a lot more and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve had a lot of really great people fill my time this summer and I wouldn’t change one thing! So here’s to the Old Faithfuls – my tried and true friends who have been there for me in the long run. I love and appreciate all of you so much! ❤

I hope that all of you had a good weekend and a wonderful start to your week! What was everyone up to these past few days? Anything exciting? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul17

iTunes Shuffle Challenge

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iTunes Shuffle Challenge

Whatsup everyone and TGIF! So for the past two or so weeks I’ve been dedicated to listening to the 7952 songs on my iPod on shuffle in its entirety. I’m five hundred songs in and it has been an absolute blast so far. I’ve rediscovered a love for some long forgotten songs and stumbled upon music that I didn’t even know I had. Here’s a few of the highlights of my shuffle journey so far:

Breathe Carolina – Velvet: Flippin judge me for it. This song came on yesterday when I was in the Little Red Love Machine and I was SO excited about it. Hearing “Velvet” brought me back to my angsty teenage days so I guess it only seemed appropriate that an angsty twenty-one year old played it four times in a row. I don’t care what anyone says, this song is catchy as hell.

The Front Bottoms – Maps: I’ve always adored The Front Bottoms. I think that their sound is so unique and their lyrics speak to my soul – all of them are so raw and nitty gritty and I really dig that. “Maps” actually came on after my binge listening fest of “Velvet” so the shuffle gods were definitely smiling upon me. I would really like to see these guys in concert but for now I’ll just fan girl over the music video which is actually pretty rad. ONE DAY YOU’LL BE WASHING YOURSELF WITH HAND SOAP IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM!!!

Yeah Yeah Yeahs – Buried Alive (Ft. Dr. Octagon): First things first, I’m a big Yeah Yeah Yeahs fan so I was simply thrilled when “Buried Alive” came on as I was getting ready for the day this morning. Karen O’s voice is intoxicating as usual and Dr. Octagon gives a really unexpected and cool touch to the song. It’s seriously a perfect collaboration and I can’t even begin to tell you how much I love it. I hope that these two powerhouses do another collab in the future because I think they were really on to something with this track.

Missy Elliott – Get Ur Freak On: I have a wide range of favorite songs from different genres and “Get Ur Freak On” is definitely one of my hip hop favorites. Missy Elliott can do no wrong in my opinion and her and Timbaland are a creative match made in heaven. My day has been full of great music so far because this track came on as I was looking over some math homework and I legitimately had to stop my studies so I could enjoy “Get Ur Freak On” in all of its glory from my humble iPod. I’m not the biggest music video fan but the video for this song is always fun to watch!

The Black Keys – Your Touch: I didn’t care too much for The Black Keys’ album Magic Potion but I really enjoy this track. There’s nothing better than when a song comes on by the Akron, Ohio duo who hit the big time fresh out of my neck of the woods. It’s so wild to think that they used to play at small venues like Musica in Akron and now they’re winning Grammys and doing the damn thing. #RESPECT!!!

The Dead Weather – 60 Feet Tall: A shout out to a song by The Dead Weather wouldn’t be complete without expressing my love for Jack White, so here it goes: Jack White, you beautiful man, I love you SO MUCH. Anyways, I am so glad that The Dead Weather exists because it might just be one of my favorite musical endeavors by Mr. White. Not only is my dream man in the band but I’ve also always adored Alison Mosshart because I’m a big fan of The Kills. I seriously can’t get enough of her sexy bluesy voice – it’s the definition of perfection. I hate using the word “cool” to describe a band but The Dead Weather is the epitome of a cool as hell rock n’ roll group. I enjoy literally every song by them and “60 Feet Tall” is obviously no exception! So SO good.

We Are Scientists – Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt: I used to really like We Are Scientists until I introduced them to my evil ex-boyfriend who cheated on me with a stripper – but that’s neither here nor there. ANYWAYS, after the discovery was made that he was an asshole, I wasn’t in the mood to hear We Are Scientists anymore. I’ve kept them on my iPod for whatever reason and “Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt” came on a few days ago. Hearing this wicked good track for the first time in years made me remember why I liked We Are Scientists so much in the first place. My love for them definitely was rekindled thanks to the power of the iTunes Shuffle Challenge!

Gorillaz – Dirty Harry: My journey through shuffle-land has been so musically rewarding thus far and one of the most memorable experiences I’ve had was when “Dirty Harry” came on. This song played in the early days of the challenge and I just remember being so happy when I heard the unmistakable intro to the track as I was driving in the Little Red Love Machine. It was a gorgeous sunny day and I had the windows down and my music playing at the loudest possible volume…It was perfect. There’s something about this song that makes me feel so genuinely good, probably because it holds a lot of sentimental value for me. I used to play “Dirty Harry” a lot to hype me up for skating competitions or auditions and it always worked like a charm. This track and I go way back and it will forever be one of my favorites.

So there you have it, the best of the best of my iTunes Shuffle Challenge so far! How many songs do you have on your iTunes? What do you think about starting a shuffle challenge of your own? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul16

Lil Red’s Psychic Experience

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Lil Red’s Psychic Experience

Whatsup everyone and happy Thursday! So a very interesting occurrence happened today that was just too wild not to write about. I went to visit my dear friend, Neva, at her nursing home and while we were hanging out I had a run in with a psychic. Allow me to explain.

^^^ This bands name is Psychic Friend so including their music seemed appropriate!

So yes, Neva and I were hanging out and one of the residents approached us. His name was Doug and after Neva introduced us he asked what I do. I told him that I was in school and that I was really into writing. Without skipping a beat, Doug immediately said “you’re a blogger”. Taken aback I replied with, “How did you know that?!” He then began to tell me that he was a psychic medium and told me that he sees great success for my blog in the future. After telling me of the success that lifewithlilred has in store for me he regarded my clothing because as usual I was dressed pretty formally for an every day occasion. Doug told me that he could see me walking around on Fifth Avenue in a pair of expensive knee high boots and then told me that I was definitely a writer in my past life.

While Doug and I were having this talk, Neva was growing impatient and wanted to go back to her room. So we headed back to headquarters after I hugged my new friend goodbye. After a lovely visit with Neva and her friends I said my farewells and got back into the Little Red Love Machine to go home. As I was driving for the next five or so minutes all I could do was think about Doug and everything that he said to me. It truly made my day so I just had to turn around and thank him – I honestly wouldn’t have been able to forgive myself if I didn’t. So I turned my whip around and went back into the direction of the nursing home and reentered the building in search of my friend.

Once I found Doug’s room, I knocked on the door and told him that I didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye and thanking him one more time. Once again, he told me that I had good things in store for me and that he could sense my talent and energy from across the room. He told me that I was a 19th century European writer in my past life and then began to tell me what my past self was life. Doug told me that I could gamble with the best of them and out-smoke and out-roll a cigar better than any man. He compared me to Emily Bronte countless times and said that my creativity is something that should never be contained. The entire time I was thinking about just how wild and cool the whole situation was. I don’t know if Doug got the idea of me being a European from the purse I was carrying that dons the British flag on it but hey, I’ll take it. I also found it intriguing that he mentioned gambling, considering I’ve had a few recent trips to the casino. The cigar smoking part was also very fascinating to me because I smoke cigarettes now. Weird!

Doug and I talked for another fifteen minutes or so before we parted ways. He told me that he was leaving the nursing home tomorrow when I said that I would stop in and see him next time I visited Neva, so I was SO glad that I turned around and saw him again. My gut feeling to turn my car around and talk to him was spot on and I’m beyond thankful that I got to spend some time with Doug. Psychic or not, he made me feel genuinely good about myself and I felt obligated to return and express my gratitude to him. I can only hope that our visit with each other made his day just as much as it made mine!

So there you have it, my psychic experience for the day! Has anyone ever had a psychic reading before? How accurate was it? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul15

Woman Crush Wednesday: Lady Gaga Edition

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Woman Crush Wednesday: Lady Gaga Edition

Hellooo everyone and happy Hump Day! Welcome to a new edition of Woman Crush Wednesday – Lady Gaga style! This super cool starlet stole my heart from the moment I heard “Just Dance” on the radio for the first time. Every creative endeavor she embarks on makes me fall deeper in love with her, so let’s discuss!

Dear Lady Gaga,

Oh you gorgeous gorgeous gal. Words can’t even begin to tell you how much I adore and admire you. From your amazing musical talent and fabulous fashion to your incredible humanitarian work, it’s safe to say that you’re one of my heroes. You have delivered hit after hit in the musical world for years but I think my favorite moment of yours had to have been when you performed your Sound Of Music medley at the Oscar’s. You were simply glorious and your show-woman-ship moved me to tears. Your music falls into a category that is uniquely its own and no matter what the occasion I know that there is always a song by you to perfectly describe how I’m feeling. Obviously I’m a fan of your music but I’m also an intense lover of your outlandish style. I can’t even, to say the least. I always look forward to seeing what you’re rocking on the red carpet or just out and about. What I adore about your personal style is that you’re always head to toe perfection even if you’re just running around doing errands. It honestly reminds me of me because I too enjoy doing myself up for even the smallest thing. Unfortunately, my wardrobe will never be anywhere near as fierce as yours – but hey, a girl can dream. Your work in the LGBT community is an inspiration to so many people, myself included, so thank you for all that you do. Your message of staying true to yourself no matter what resonates with me and millions of others and we are all better people for it. And please PLEASE don’t even get me started on how excited I am for your debut on American Horror Story! I. Can’t. Wait!!!!! You are fabulous, fierce, beautiful, gorgeous, talented, and absolutely amazing. I LOVE YOU!!!!

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^^^ Oh my goodness, can I just be her? Please?

So there you have it, my very deserving #WCW, Lady Gaga! What is your favorite song by my woman crush? What is one of your favorite outfits that Lady Gaga has worn? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul14

Sarah’s Sanity Update: Volume 2

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Sarah’s Sanity Update: Volume 2

Helloooo everyone and happy Tuesday! I hope all of you are having a great start to your week. I’m doing okay, in case you were wondering. This past week or so I’ve been stuck in this horrible rut of falling just below average as far as how I’m feeling goes. This sub-par cycle that I’ve been in sucks ass…It’s honestly more annoying than anything. Let’s discuss. (Warning: This post contains references to self harm and eating disorders. If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free not to read!)

^^^ It seemed appropriate since we’re going with a Britney motif this post!

So yes, it’s been an annoying week. I’m quite shocked that I’m feeling so blah because when I went to my psychiatrist at the beginning of the month she doubled my dose of Effexor. Now I’m on a considerably high amount and I still don’t feel much of a difference. I suppose in the mornings when I first take my pill I feel pretty good but then by the time late afternoon rolls around I’m ready to throw in the towel for the day. What sucks about these random weeks of feeling shitty is that when I start feeling upset is when I start getting all of these persistent urges to cut or purge…Don’t worry, I haven’t – but it’s SO hard not to. It’s really fucking exhausting, actually. Can you imagine going through the day with thoughts of self harm constantly swarming around your mind like flies? Welcome to my world.

The frustration that comes with this is what bothers me the most because I rarely do succumb to my temptations but they’re always there in the back of my mind no matter what. It seriously feels like a damned if I do and damned if I don’t situation. I mean, I always feel a sense of guilt after the euphoria of a self harm incident but not doing it brings me these insufferable weeks in which self harm is all I think about. I’m so glad that I built up my willpower by going months on end without an incident because if not I would be royally fucked on weeks like this. I feel like my mind is going a million miles a minute and all the while I’m running around like a mad woman trying to keep myself occupied so I can keep my thoughts at bay…It’s no wonder why I’m exhausted.

I know that I should probably go to therapy to help me cope better with my urges but I have this stupid stubborn mindset that if I’m not indulging then I’m okay. My old psychiatrist used to get on me like no other to see a therapist and I always told her that I would, but then I would end up convincing myself that I was fine. I hate admitting that I need help more than anything. I feel like when I start showing signs of instability at home is when I start getting babied and monitored and I despise that. Now when I’m having a hard time I just try to do my best at covering it up. Because I’m such a hard-headed little brat I probably won’t be going to therapy anytime soon but I’m so thankful that I have my blog to express how I’m feeling. I always feel a lot better after a good writing session so thanks for letting me vent!

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Well I must be getting back to the ol’ Tri-C grind so I will talk to you all later! Until then, is anyone experiencing something similar to what I’m going through right now? If so, what are some of the coping skills that you utilize? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul13

Monday Update: Here Goes Nothing Edition

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Monday Update: Here Goes Nothing Edition

Hellooo everyone and happy Monday!! I hope that all of you had a fantastic weekend and a great start to your week so far. Some pretty exciting stuff has happened this past week so let’s dive right in and discuss:

So the first awesome happenstance occurred this past Wednesday when my brother, Peter, officially received his PhD in chemical engineering! He argued the thesis that he’s been working on for what seems like forever and all of the hard work finally paid off. Words can’t even describe how proud I am of him and his accomplishments. July is a great month for my family but specifically for Peter because in under two weeks he’ll be getting married to my future sister in law, Megan! They’ll be tying the knot at the end of the month and we’re all ecstatic. Peter and Megan will be honeymooning in Italy so if you live in the area make sure you keep your eyes out for them! YAY PETER!!!!

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Another little something something that I am so thrilled to announce is that I submitted my information to http://www.ModCloth.com to potentially do some modeling work for them. I was browsing on Mod during some downtime yesterday and just for fun I decided to look at the career section of the site. Under the hiring page they were advertising that they were searching for models of all sizes so I thought, “why not?” Lucky for me, ModCloth has a station in Pittsburgh which is only a two hour drive for me and I have family there so if I were to work there occasionally it wouldn’t be a problem. I feel like I would be a perfect model for ModCloth and I can’t even begin to tell you guys how desperately I want to work for them. I wrote up a fun “about me” bio, took my measurements, and picked out some pictures of me that I thought would showcase my ability and sent it their way. As I hit the “Send” button on the email I literally thought to myself “here goes nothing”, shut my eyes really tight, and hoped for the best. Please, please, please send some good vibes my way and who knows – maybe you’ll be seeing me on http://www.ModCloth.com sometime in the future! Fingers and toes crossed!

On top of all of the super fun stuff that’s happening, everything at school is going just swimmingly as well! I’ll be done with my summer courses in three weeks and I’m SOOO ready for them to be over! Two days after I’m officially donezo with my classes, my family and I will be heading off on vacation to Orlando, Florida so we can hit up Universal Studios. I can’t wait!!! Once we return from vaca, I’ll have a little less than a two week break and then my fall semester will begin. A lot of major events are happening in a short period of time and before I know it, I’ll be back on campus at Tri-C! All I have to say is, let’s do it! Here goes nothing! 🙂

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^^^ Sissy and I go hard! ❤

Well I must be off so I can get some more homework done, so I will talk to you all later! Until then, how was everyone’s weekend? Are there any other websites that you know of that need models? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah