Tag Archives: relationship

Make It Work: 3 Things To Note When House Hunting With Your Spouse

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Make It Work: 3 Things To Note When House Hunting With Your Spouse

Sometimes, house hunting is fun. But most of the time, it’s such a pain in the neck. What makes it particularly stressful is when you and your spouse don’t see eye to eye on what you want your next home to be. Perhaps you want a big house just outside the city, but your partner prefers a small condo unit at the heart of the central business district. These small differences can blow up into big arguments, which could delay your move. So, what do you do when you can’t agree with your spouse in your house hunting? Take these steps:

Create your own home essentials list:

Since fights almost always come from what each of you thinks your family house should be, this is the first thing you should address. Here, the best approach is to make a list of your wants and needs in a home – separately. You want to do this independently so that at the end of the exercise, you’ll see the things you share in common. These similarities validate that these features are indeed important to you. But at the same time, don’t neglect the differences. Those are points for discussion. Make your case as to why these things should be in your home. Negotiate and be patient in expressing your concerns. But more importantly, listen. If your spouse has a point, be willing to concede.

Consider your budget:

All discussions should be framed in the context of how much house you can afford. When both of you have this perspective in approaching matters, it will be far easier to compromise. Those pretty countertops or furniture will be easier to resist. Now, if you don’t have a financial game plan yet, sit down and decide on it immediately before hitting the property market. Compare different quotes from lending agencies. When doing the math, make sure that your monthly payments on mortgage won’t take more than 25% of your take-home pay. Otherwise, you’ll be house poor in the next months. Once you’re able to settle on a budget already, stick to it. Inform your real estate agent about it. You may want to include this house and lot for sale in Cavite, which might fit your budget.

Cease and desist:

If you find yourself getting into a big fight over your next house, it’s wise to take a step back from the conversation or the house hunting process altogether. A nice home isn’t worth it if it’s going to split you up in the end. So give yourself a week break. No house-related matters over dinner. No budget-related talks on your dates. Use that time of ‘silence’ to ponder about your house-buying decisions separately. Your goal is to have a fresh, renewed mind once the break is and you resume the talk. Hopefully, that time of meditation will make you more understanding of each other and your priorities.

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Have you been struggling with the home search because of your couple fights? Fight no more. Prioritize your relationship through and through and the house will come when the time is right.

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Activities To Help You Unwind After Your Wedding Day

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Activities To Help You Unwind After Your Wedding Day

Weddings are truly busy and stressful, considering what the couple has to go through just to make sure that one special day goes smoothly. But after all that is done and the vows have been accepted, you as a couple deserve to have your own time and moments together to enjoy the finer things in life as husband and wife. Sure, there’s the mandatory honeymoon, but there’s much more you can do that will surely help your mind and body recover from all the stress and strain of wedding preparations:

Relax and Unwind:

It goes without saying that you need to rest your body first since you have a whole life ahead of you. All that time and effort looking for suppliers and managing the event to make sure that it all goes well can give you a lot of stress. After the wedding is your opportunity to enjoy your well-deserved relaxation time.

There are many possibilities on what you can do, such as get a facial treatment in Manila, go to a beach or resort, or go enjoy the beauty of nature by hiking or mountain climbing. These will surely help you to relax and enjoy quality time with your new spouse.

Reap the Benefits:

One of the things that you’ll get from your wedding is gifts and lots of them. These presents are oftentimes given to help the bride and groom with their start on married life. Home appliances are common choices and are very helpful because you won’t need to go shopping for them.

Some people also gift their newly married friends and relatives with discount vouchers or tickets for them to use on a cruise or a fancy restaurant. Don’t hesitate to use them, especially if they have expiration dates. These presents are meant for you to enjoy and use to your advantage as the married life will present you with new challenges every single day.

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Go on Get-Togethers:

You’ve only just accomplished a monumental event in your life that was full of hectic plans and schedules, so you may think that it’s best not to go out for a while. However, your family and friends are still part of your life, and you’ll need all the help you can get from them. The occasional get-together will be good for letting them know how well you’re doing after the nuptials as well as strengthen the bond between in-laws. You can do it either at home or in places such as restaurants or hotels.

Living the married life will surely put a lot on your plate, may it be good or bad. But what’s important is for you to focus on what’s positive and expect to face the bad times together with your partner. Your relationship doesn’t end once the wedding day is over; instead, it’s the start of a lifelong journey with the best partner in life you’ll ever have. So, take the time to relish that moment and unwind!

Vicious Vengeance: Examining Vindictive Exes In Pop Culture

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Vicious Vengeance: Examining Vindictive Exes In Pop Culture

The narrative of the crazy ex-girlfriend is so prevalent that the CW actually made a TV show about it. Other portrayals aren’t as nuanced as Rachel Bloom’s sitcom, which actually attempts to bring a feminist twist to a mostly misogynistic plot device. But a good “crazy ex” narrative can almost be as entertaining as romantic buzz kill movies. So let’s examine examples of crazy ex-girlfriends in popular culture and find what makes them tick. Be careful, hell’s got nothing on these women!

The Woman in “Bust Your Windows”

Jazmine Sullivan released a hit song “Bust Your Windows” in 2008; a cover by Glee a few years later increased its popularity. In the song, an unnamed woman dishes out vengeance when she sees her lover in bed with another woman. But she doesn’t punish him directly. As the title says, she busts the windows of his car. Oof, better find a shop that fixes car windows. As an added bonus, she carves her initials on it with a crowbar. Double oof. Maybe it’s time for an upgrade, unnamed philanderer?

But as lyrics and Sullivan’s crooning voice reveal, she knows that doing so is futile. She’s only committing vandalism to make the man suffer, and that his pain will only be a small echo of the pain he caused her. The lyrics go on to explain that the woman wants this to be a lesson to the man that he can’t treat women that way. As far as “crazy ex” activities go, not unreasonable but also inadvisable to do in the real world, only, whoops, Jazmine admitted in 2016 that she did bust an ex’s windows. *Happens to the best of us!*

Alex Forrest from “Fatal Attraction”

Glenn Close’s performance as Alex was nominated by the Academy Awards. Glenn Close deserves praise for the amount of research and preparation she did to perform that well, but the actress disagrees how the writers treated Alex. Close explains she portrayed Alex as clearly mentally disturbed, a woman who needed help to break free from her obsessive devotion to her married lover. She wanted to play a tragic character whose dark past is the cause of her disturbance.

But the studio and the test audiences both wanted Alex to meet a grisly end and to ensure it, they turned her into THE crazy ex, attacking her lover’s family with a knife and boiling their pet rabbit. Instead of the cheating man getting punished, the mentally ill woman he took advantage of bites it, instead. Before you ask, yes, “Fatal Attraction” was written by a man.

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Amy Elliot Dunne from “Gone Girl”

Gillian Flynn’s thriller novel “Gone Girl” and the film adaptation that stars Rosamund Pike in the titular role caused a lot of debate as to whether or not it’s a feminist narrative. In the story, Amy Dunne is a brilliant woman who is scorned by her underachieving but charming husband. To exact her revenge, Amy frames her husband for her murder. She also expounds on what she calls “Cool Girls.” According to Amy, and by extension Flynn, women change themselves to be the “cool girl” that pleases their man in every way.

Amy changed a lot about her and maintained her body to keep her husband interested. But he doesn’t live up to his end, neglecting her needs and cheating on her. But the way she enacts her vengeance is way too brutal. Not only does she lie about assault and fake a pregnancy, she also murders someone to further her plans.

What makes Amy a feminist character is that she is absolutely right about the “Cool Girl” dynamic. She’s also a strong, intellectual woman who knows her worth and fights for what she believes is hers. But she is a terrible, manipulative, murderous person. You can’t get a more complex portrayal of female vengeance than Amy Elliot Dunne.

Inspiring or a warning? The only person who can decide whether these women should be looked up to or locked up is yourself, but before you make your judgment, remember that there is a story behind everything. And hopefully, you’ll speak up the next time you hear someone use the phrase “crazy ex.” Who knows, you might be saving the windows of their car!

Lil Red And The Tough Pill To Swallow

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Lil Red And The Tough Pill To Swallow

Hiii everyone. I’ll be honest with ya’ll, as I always am, but Lil Red has been straight bummin lately. My young twenties have seen a series of failed relationships, each one more stupid than the next, and now I am proud to say that a new one has been added to the list. Obviously, I love relationships but they do not love me.

I’ll spare you the details of this falling out but, what I will say, is that it definitely hurts when effort that you are putting forth does not get reciprocated in kind. I am a giver by nature, especially as my big girl job is being a provider for people with special needs. Working in the care profession is my greatest joy, but it does take a lot out of me. It also makes it difficult to remember that, sometimes, people just don’t seem to care as much as you do.

I repeat: Sometimes, people just don’t seem to care as much as you do.

This past relationship left me with my feelings hurt perhaps more than any of the ones that lasted longer. And, I think that it has to do with the above statement. It’s easy to think that everyone has the same mindset as you and would do a seemingly simple task to make someone feel happy. But, we all know it doesn’t work that way. In the eternal words of the Internet: It really do be like that sometimes.

So? What can I do to improve things for myself? Do I continue on with trying to please everyone no matter what their intentions may be because I’m a giver? Or, do I close myself up and be more protective of myself? I think that the answer lies in finding balance, however, this is always easier said than done. But, offering myself the friendly reminder seen above is a good place to start.

How do you protect your emotions when you’re in a difficult situation? What are your cures for the break up blues? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Psychic Experience

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Psychic Experience

Hiiii! Over the weekend, my boyfriend and I thought that it would be fun to go see a psychic. He has been to one before and I never have so we made a little afternoon of it. After searching for “the best psychics in Cleveland” for what felt like forever, we landed on a woman named Faye who had pretty solid reviews. Of course, all of the reviews for each place were a mixed bag with some people saying it was a scam and others claiming that it was the best reading of their life.

For cheapness’s sake, we decided to both do a palm reading and went on our merry way to meet Faye, who has a small business in downtown Cleveland. Her shop was very tiny with a sitting area in the front and an office style room in the back where she did her readings. As soon as we walked in, she decided that I would go first so I went back while my boyfriend waited up front.

I don’t know about you, but I definitely believe in the other wordly and spiritual powers. I do feel like Faye had it, but I also know when someone is just trying to upsell you and that’s exactly what she did to both me and my MAN. It was basically a case of “I can tell you more but you have to come back”. *Massive eye roll*

However, what she did tell me during the brief ten minute reading was all correct. She started off with the basic “you had a difficult childhood/teenage years blah, blah, blah” which I feel like isn’t that hard to tell by looking at me, lol. But, then she continued with being able to tell that I worked in the care profession, recently moved out, and had two specific people in my family that I worry about the most – which is all accurate. She also didn’t know my name so it’s not like she Facebooked me or read my blog beforehand.

I do wish that we could have talked longer, because I feel like she was holding back on everything that she told me so that she could pull the “but wait, there’s more” card. But, it was a really cool experience for what it was and it was even better that my boyfriend came up with such a unique date idea. Six out of ten, would go to Faye again. Twelve out of ten, would recommend this date to others!

Have you ever been to a psychic? What are your thoughts in favor or against practices like that? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

How Do You Connect With Your Parents?

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How Do You Connect With Your Parents?

When you’re a child, your parents are the center of your world. It’s difficult to imagine that you could one day not need to have them around anymore. However, as you grow older, your relationship evolves. You are not an inexperienced child anymore. You’re an adult. And with the realization that you can do everything you want by yourself comes another one: You don’t need your parents anymore. You can be sure that they are aware of it. As a result, a lot of adults struggle to maintain a sane and happy relationship with their parents. If this is something that you are having a hard time with, then try utilizing the tips below:

#1. Twin your hobbies

Hobbies are a great way to bond, so why not find something you both enjoy? Gardening is a great activity that you can both share without needing to be in the same place. You can discuss your plans for your respective gardens and exchange tips and tools. You could even share flowers by giving each other cuts from your favorite plants. If you don’t have a garden or don’t have the time or energy to manage your lawn and bushes, you can opt for a more relaxing approach. A zen garden is not only a tasteful addition to your interior decor, but it’s also a playful, meditative tool. You could compare designs and patterns, or even create a joint album on Facebook where you can both upload photos of your creations.

#2. Try something new together

New experiences are enriching. Your parents have watched you grow up, walk, and discover the world from the start. Reconnect with those feeling by choosing to try something new together. For instance, if you’ve never tried golf, you can take lessons together and rejoice in being the witness of each other’s discovery journey. You can find all of the equipment you need at a lower cost online – rock bottom golf is an excellent address for amateur golfers. If sports aren’t your thing, how about booking an escape room experience together? There’s nothing more rewarding than working together to beat the clock!

#3. You’re never too old to play games

Do you remember board game nights at home? Everyone has played Monopoly with their parents during the holiday. And, despite all of the frustrations that come with the game, it was fun to share a moment. When you play games, you connect at a deeper level. It goes beyond your age, life experience, or even social responsibilities. You are players all equal in the context of the game. If board games aren’t your cup of tea, video games are a fantastic choice. Over a quarter of gamers are 50+, meaning that age has never made any major difference. All you need is a gaming console that attaches to the TV, and you’re both ready to interact in the virtual world. With online platforms, you don’t even need to be in the same room!

#4. Booking a holiday together

If the idea of going on holiday with your parents is terrifying, you might want to give it a second thought. Most people find it challenging to survive a shared vacation. But you need to think beyond your family bond. The reason why most cross-generational holidays fail is that people revert to previous behavior patterns, namely your parents trying to care for you in the way they’re always used to and you, instinctively, react in the passive-aggressive way that you used to as a teenager. As a result, tensions occur. But, you can avoid this trap by treating your parents as friends, AKA equals. If you don’t give them the upper hand in the relationship, there is no reason for conflicts anymore.

#5. Plan regular catch-ups

Many adults complain that their parents are out of touch with their lives. Be honest, can you blame them? Do you give them the opportunity to know what is going on in your life? If you don’t organize regular catch-up dinners and casual meetings, they can never get to understand your hopes, passions, and struggles. Unless you share about yourself, people can’t stay updated about your journey.

#6. Group chat for everyone!

No time for a catch-up meal? Make the most of modern tools and create a group chat that keeps everyone in the loop. Family group chats can be frustrating at times. But, they’re the perfect tool to share little moments of your every day life, discuss big decisions, or merely check on how everyone is doing. By making your interactions more casual, you design a new relationship with your parents.

Adulthood can create distance between you and your parents. It’s never easy to change the base of a relationship. But, as you grow up and become independent, the foundation of your relationship naturally evolves. Don’t let it damage your bond. On the contrary, find new ways to get to know each other again.

Featured Image By: Flickr

These Are My Confessions…

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These Are My Confessions…

Hiiiii everyone! I have to confess… after close to two months post break up with my most recent ex, I made a Tinder… and a Bumble, too. Lol, *Facepalm Emoji* But, damnit, I just couldn’t help it. All of my single lady friends encouraged me to make one, as they have one, as well, so I figured “why not”?

In a social media world, it can be difficult and even damn near impossible to meet someone the old fashioned way. And, for me, it feels even harder considering I am self employed. I have no coworkers and the people who I do work with have special needs so getting my flirt on while on the job is a NO, as I’m responsible for someone else at the time. It’s just not a good look.

At twenty-four, I’m over the going to the bar stage of my life. And, because my working week keeps me so busy, my weekends are normally spent recouping from that. So, how in the HECK do I meet someone?! Hence, I downloaded Tinder… and Bumble. -___-

I haven’t had a Tinder since I was nineteen and, I have to say, it is exactly what I remember it being. AKA, swiping through a bunch of pictures of guys holding up fish. Lolol, seriously! I’ve never seen so many fish pictures in my life. And, because I am anti-fishing, it’s always a no, no, no.

AND, if it’s not fish pictures, it’s pictures of a huge group of people. How am I supposed to figure out who you are if your profile picture is of your entire graduating college class?! No, no, no siree BOB. I thought that maybe Bumble would be a little different and I liked the idea that the girl had to contact the person who you matched with. But, it’s literally the exact same as Tinder.

In fact, I have seen so many of the same fish pictures on Bumble as I have on Tinder and I just can’t take it! Does anyone else notice this?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!! I’ll admit, that I have absolutely NO idea where I was going with this post, but I really felt like I needed to get all of that off of my chest, so thanks for listening! Lololol WOOF.

How do my single friends meet people? Who has had some success on any of the dating apps? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: Week Adjourned