Tag Archives: eating disorders

Breakfast Of Champions

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Breakfast Of Champions

*Trigger Warning: This post contains references to eating disorders.

Hellooo everyone! Eating “normally” has always been something that I’ve struggled with. From eating too much to not eating at all and a battle with bulimia, food turned into my best friend and worst enemy. I still struggle with occasional spurts of not wanting to eat or a strong desire to have a binge and purge sesh and do my damnedest to fight the urge. And, I have to say, I have been doing a great job and I am proud of that.

One thing that has helped me with my food related issues has been trying to create a normal schedule for myself of when to eat. And, for once, this includes breakfast – something that I would avoid until around May of this year when I was settled into my apartment. For some reason, there was nothing more satisfying to me than waking up in my own place, opening my refrigerator to examine the food that I bought by myself, and making something tasty to eat.

Now, mind you, it’s never like I’m making some super gourmet breakfast extravaganza. Rather, I usually opt for something easy like my favorites of eggie in a basket or a bagel with a sunny side up egg and a slice of cheese on it. I also will go for just eggs and toast or a bagel with cream cheese. As a vegetarian and not a vegan, I am very mindful of where my eggs come from and always choose the cage free/free roaming option and these are a staple you can find in my fridge more often than not along with bagels and a grainy loaf of bread.

Eating breakfast was never important to me until I started realizing the impact it had on my day. It made me drive to work without dreading it, I would feel satisfied but not bursting at the seams, and I wasn’t obsessively counting down the minutes until lunch. My attitude seemed to improve tenfold and by the time lunch rolled around, I wasn’t chomping at the bit to indulge in a huge meal.

Of course, I value my beauty sleep and don’t always have the time to cook something for myself in the morning. But, I like that I have made this positive and healthy change in my life and have been keeping up with it. And, guess what? Adding an extra meal didn’t effect my weight in any way shape or form, which was my main concern.

Living as an eating disorder survivor is a difficult thing, because it’s always going to be a nagging little thought in the back of your mind. Very much how it is with my self harm struggles. But, the harder I work at making healthy choices when it comes to food, the weaker those voices become. And, maybe some day, I won’t ever have to deal with them at all.

What do you like to eat for breakfast? How do you make healthy choices when it comes to food? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Period Problems

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Period Problems

*FYI: This post has a trigger warning for eating disorders so read at your own discretion!*

Helloooo, darlings! When I was a teenager, I can never remember my “time of the month” causing me as much grief as it does as a twenty-something. The cramps, fatigue, bloating, and an insatiable appetite seem to be a more recent thing to the past few years. Now, the discomfort and tiredness is something that I can deal with with a Motrin and a Starbucks. But, what really bothers me is the crazy increased appetite.

For a good long while, I suffered from a vicious cycle of binging and purging and the amount that I eat in one sitting on my period definitely brings me back to that. But, oh my god, am I hungry! It’s a difficult thing to deal with and I was wondering if anyone had any tips to lessen these intense hunger pangs when Aunt Flo pays a visit. Whether that be more regular little meals, an increased amount of protein, or what have you – I am willing to try anything and any suggestions help!

Thanks in advance! ❤

What are your Period Problems? How do you make your time of the month more comfortable? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

A Deeper Understanding Of Eating Disorders: What You Should Know

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A Deeper Understanding Of Eating Disorders: What You Should Know

*This post contains a trigger warning for eating disorders*

Despite the prevalence of eating disorders in today’s society, the public is still struggling to understand what these are. Because of this, it becomes easy to believe the many misconceptions surrounding this family of conditions. To protect and educate ourselves with regard to this matter, it’s important that the truth is set apart from lies or misinformation. One good way to do that is to present all of the facts, like the following list of things to give you a better understanding about eating disorders:

Eating Disorders Are Medically Recognized Illnesses:

Eating disorders fall under mental illnesses. They are serious disorders which can be life-threatening if not treated immediately. This means that any eating disorder, be it anorexia or bulimia nervosa has clear diagnostic criteria for them to fall under this category. And, albeit alarming, the fact is that eating disorders have a higher mortality rate than any psychiatric disorder.

Eating Disorders Go Way Beyond Food:

While these conditions are related to someone’s eating habits, frequently, one’s view on food is not where this is rooted. In reality, there are various aspects that can influence its development. Among those factors include the biological, psychological, and sociocultural background of the patient. This means that trying to offer support with simple phrases like “eat more,” “have less”, and “be healthier” simply wouldn’t work, since the cause of the condition is rooted in issues that are often completely unrelated to food and material possessions.

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Recovery Is Possible for This Condition:

As serious as they may sound, getting over eating disorders is possible. You’ll find tons of treatment options for bulimia nervosa and other eating disorders in your area. Recovery, however, takes a lot of work and the patient needs to be willing to comply with it. Along with that, they need a strong support system to help them overcome this condition. This would only be deemed effective with the guidance of a psychiatrist, because recovery goes way beyond the patient’s physical health and impacts their mental well-being. For that, it’s necessary to have a doctor guide them throughout their healing process.

Anyone Can Suffer from Eating Disorders:

One of the things people fail to understand about eating disorders, is the fact that it can happen to anyone. No matter what gender or how old a person is, there’s a risk of developing this condition. Statistics have shown that the frequency of kids experiencing this has been on the rise. It only means that this illness can easily affect anyone. What’s even more challenging is that it can be difficult to tell whether a person is suffering or not. Contrary to what most people believe, that part requires proper diagnosis and an expert’s help. This is so they can assess which particular disorder the patient has.

Whether you are the patient or part of the patient’s support group, try your best to maintain a healthy and positive outlook. This will make the arduous process of healing a little easier for those involved.

Proud Pacer Update

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Proud Pacer Update

Hello! This past year has definitely been a struggle as far as my weight goes. As a recovering bulimic and a lover of binge eating, my weight jumped to a number that I was not happy with this year. My life has been extremely stressful, and binge eating did bring me a lot of comfort when I did it – but, the weight that I gained was totally not worth those before bed snacking sessions.

As someone who is recovering from an eating disorder, I had to *gasp* try and shed this weight the healthy way. And, let me tell you, it was a real bitch at first. From self harming to purging, my ways of feeling good were a quick fix. And, we all know that that isn’t what weight loss is in the slightest if you want to do it the right way!

I knew that I was making slow and steady progress as I attempted to complete 10,000 steps per day and work on my portion sizes during meals. But, I didn’t realize how much progress until I finally gained the courage to get on the scale, which is my worst enemy. I stepped on, took a deep breath, and was so happy to see that I lost twelve pounds!

I may not be loosing weight as quickly as I would like, but that doesn’t undermine my accomplishment any less! I am really proud of myself for actually doing this the “right” way for once in my life – totally self harm free. I am hoping that I can lose another ten pounds to get back to my normal weight in the next few months. But, for now, I am super happy with my progress so far!

Pacer Stats:

  • Days Active: 73
  • Steps Taken: 604,994
  • Calories Burned: 15,000
  • Active Hours: 93
  • Miles Walked: 200

(And, this is pre-written so the above stats are slightly higher!)

Who else uses a pedometer to help keep them active? What are your methods for losing weight? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Monday Update: Mehhh Edition

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Monday Update: Mehhh Edition

Heyyy everyone and happy Memorial Day! (Warning: This post contains references to eating disorders – if that makes you uncomfortable feel free not to read!)

So I’ve been having an admittedly rough time with food lately. I’ve been restricting a lot and the worst part is, is that it doesn’t really bother me…which isn’t good at all. It’s so bad how it’s almost fun to me to see how long I can go without having a bite to eat. During the day I’ll drink at least one glass of a beverage with calories in it like lemonade or orange juice so I can get some sugar in me, but other than that I feel like I’ve put myself back on the “no meal a day” diet – along with a lot of cigarettes. I feel like this struggle would bother me a lot more if I wasn’t seeing visible physical changes every day that I go without food…more prominent collarbones, protruding hip bones – I straight up revel in the pleasure I get from looking in the mirror and seeing something other than fat. During my years of being bulimic, I always told myself that I could never dabble in anorexic behaviors because I didn’t have the will power to do it. But now that I have achieved going days in a row without eating it’s almost like I’ve gained a new skill which is weirdly exciting to me. I remember when the celebrity Meghan Trainer got a lot of backlash for saying that she wasn’t “strong enough” to be anorexic – and she’s right…it’s not a weak mans disorder, so the fact that I have the mental strength that some people just don’t have makes me feel good. Yesterday when I got home in the evening I told myself I would eat, but the thought of eating was disgusting to me and I lost my appetite. I’m one of those people who physically can’t eat if I’m not hungry – I just can’t do it, so when I got home and my appetite was completely gone, I saw no point in making myself eat. Anorexia was always an appealing disorder to me during my extreme cutting and bulimic stages because it was something that no one else would really notice. Losing weight is a good thing to most people, so the disorder could go unrecognized as opposed to the obvious slashed wrists or retching in the bathroom. You guys are probably reading this and thinking about how “crazy” I am and yada yada yada – and I know I’m not making the best choices for myself…But unfortunately, I find joy in these poor decisions which makes it even harder to stop. I know I keep saying that I should go to therapy, but it’s just so unappealing to me. I’m not interested in digging up my past for the millionth time with a different therapist out of the countless ones that I’ve seen before. It really is a cycle of complete misfortune, jumping from one method of self harm to the next – but I just haven’t the faintest idea on what to do when I feel like nothing but beating myself up makes me feel better. Ugh, sorry guys that was so heavy but I really needed to vent…I always find it easy to be super open with my thoughts, struggles, and the way I’m feeling – but it was especially easy typing this considering my iTunes has been playing the most emo music in my collection on shuffle for the past half hour. Lol, shameful.

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I hope all of you guys are having a fabulous Memorial Day! Do you have any exciting plans for the day? How was everyone’s weekend? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

What Nobody Tells You (You, Me, & an Eating Disorder Makes Three)

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What Nobody Tells You (You, Me, & an Eating Disorder Makes Three)

Warning: This post contains references to eating disorders (as clearly stated in the title), if that makes you uncomfortable then don’t read it!

Hey there everyone and happy Hump Day! So I got a lot of really positive feedback from a bunch of people about my post What Nobody Tells You (A Self Harm Story), so I figured why not make an eating disorder edition as well. As most of you know already, I was an avid bulimic for over three years. I haven’t had a slip up in quite some time, but that doesn’t change the fact that purging crosses my mind constantly. There were so many things that I wish people would have told me before I started a downward spiral into an eating disorder, but I had to learn all of it on my own. So consider this post a battle tactic of me trying to scare any of you who are considering bulimia out of it – because it truly is a life ruiner. If someone would have told me everything I’m about to tell you, maybe my situation today would be a lot different. Nobody told me that my fingers would prune after twenty minutes of being shoved down my throat. Nobody told me that the smell of vomit would linger on my fingers if I didn’t pull them out if my mouth in time. Nobody told me how completely unglamorous bulimia was. It’s not a “super model” disorder by any means. There’s nothing beautiful about your back cowering over a toilet with a tear streaked face. There’s nothing sexy about yellow teeth and remnants of puke around your lips. Nobody ever told me that the sound of retching could be heard over the shower tap running, causing my mom to have to monitor my showers and when I used the restroom. Having your mom standing sentinel outside the bathroom door so you don’t puke your brains out is the polar opposite of living glamorously. No one told me that the dentist would be able to tell I was bulimic by the acid erosion on my teeth. No one told me that getting x-rays on my throat is recommended because I could be giving myself cancer of the esophagus. No one ever told me that all of the pleasure of eating would be wiped out completely once you sold your soul to throwing up after every meal. No one told me that constant acid reflux would leave my breath smelling like vomit all day. And most importantly, no one ever told me that my eating disorder would become an entirely separate entity. It controlled everything. What I ate, when I ate, who I ate around, absolutely no eating in public, how long I should puke for, how much I should try to puke out – the cycle was never ending. My eating disorder was a cruel, sick dictator who left me feeling worthless and disgusting and filled my mind with thoughts of purging as soon as food touched my lips. I wish I could say that I don’t think about vomiting a lot, but I do. Just like I mentioned with cutting, bulimia is something that I’m going to have to carry with me for my entire life. And just like cutting, it fucking sucks.

If you still feel the urge to purge even after reading my tidbits of what I personally learned from a long struggle with bulimia, then please also remember: Being bulimic can cause so many different types of cancer – the stomach, esophagus, and mouth just to name a few – so keep that in mind if you’re so much as considering starting a life altering and ultimately life shattering disorder.

Like I said earlier, I haven’t had any instances of bulimia for a while, which I am so thankful for. And please remember that I’m always here to talk if you need it and I urge you to get help with your destructive struggles from a friend or professional. Have a wonderful day! Much love. -Sarah

The worst backhanded compliment of all time:

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The worst backhanded compliment of all time:

If there’s one “compliment” that I truly HATE getting it’s “you lost weight”. I’m an extremely petite girl, I’m barely over 5’1 and weigh about 112 pounds. However, there’s one problem that I’ve always struggled with. My breast size. I’ve always felt that they were extremely disproportionate to my small frame, and in the summer of 2013 I made the decision to get a breast reduction. It was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. My plastic surgeon did an incredible job of making my breasts way more proportionate to my body and I was immensely pleased with the results. One of my major problems with my former boobs were how big they made me appear. People usually associate a heavy chested girl with her being heavy in general. But for me, that was so not the case. It feels amazing to be small and appear small all over, without the illusion of extra weight from a huge rack. After my surgery, I’ve had quite a few people who haven’t seen me for a while tell me “you lost so much weight!” and it honestly makes me feel really bad. What? Was I fat before? As a girl who struggles with her body image like CRAZY, hearing those dreaded words uttered is the absolute last thing I need. Just yesterday when I was at work I had someone who I went to high school with tell me “you lost a ton of weight”, and it really just made me feel like shit. I don’t think any one understands that if I could have just cut my boobs off myself years ago that I would have. It’s time to get real, and tell you guys that I struggled with bulimia for a very long time. I haven’t purged in a while, but the mental recovery from the eating disorder is just as hard. Hearing this guy yesterday comment on my weight was enough to put me in a major slump. It’s always hard not to purge when I start feeling extra bad about my body. However, I know that I’m a strong individual, and I’m not gonna ruin all the progress I’ve made over one asshole. This is also me urging all of you to think before you speak. You might think telling someone that it looks like they’ve lost weight might be an awesome compliment to give, but there are people, like myself who struggle with self image more than you know, and might take great offense to that statement. I’m very proud of the way I look now, and I’m not afraid to show that. Here’s my body: I feel beautiful and I’m not ashamed at all anymore. Have a great night guys. Be kind to one another. -Sarah

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