Tag Archives: humor

Dec5

Pampering Party (Wahhh!)

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Pampering Party (Wahhh!)

Hi everyone and happy Monday! This past week has been not the best at Chez Red because I have literally been sick for seven days straight. I have had an absolutely miserable cold complete with cough, body aches, headaches, sore throat, the chills, and night sweats. On top of feeling like DEATH, it is now finals week at school which is super stressful which seems to just make me sicker!

I am feeling very bitter about this bug because it completely ruined the pampering that happened last week which I was so looking forward to. I was scheduled to dye my hair, get my nails filled, and get a haircut. These are all things that I freaking love to do and unfortunately, I felt miserable to the point that I couldn’t enjoy any of it during each pampering activity.

My hair dying sesh resulted in a bloody nose and massive chills. Thanks to frequent nose blowing and an accidental stab from my talon acrylics, I was left with a bloody nose worthy of sticking a tampon in. Then, the cold water shower which was a necessity to washing out the dye and maintaining a lustrous shade of red left me in shivers in my skivvies for days. In hindsight, dying my hair and doing a cold water hair wash while sick was just plain asinine but damnit, my hair needed it real bad!!!

Later on in the week, I needed to get my nails filled so that they could be perfect for my graduation ceremony next week. Probably not the best idea either. The strong nail polish smells at the salon went straight to my head and not even my beloved nail tech, Vinny, could help me feel better. The worst, though, was when my nails were put in front of a fan to start the drying process. I instantly began to sweat and get clammy and I like to think of myself as a not sweaty person. I left the salon a big blubbering ball of phlegm and damp clothing but my nails looked fabulous, darling.

And finally, this weekend it was time for a haircut. I was so looking forward to getting my hair styled for my big day and wanted nothing more than to sit comfortably in the chair and let my stylist work her magic. Naturally, this didn’t happen. My week long nightmare left me feeling so achy and irritable that everything made me want to scream, or cry, or BOTH. So best believe when those little bitty microscopic hairs got snipped from my head and wound up down my shirt I was about to have an emotional breakdown. I’m telling you guys, it’s hard out there for a pimp.

Now that I am feeling about eighty percent better, I can finally fully admire the work that was done on me. My hair looks gorgeous and my nails are fierce. But at the time, nothing made me feel happy or attractive which is surprising considering I tried to surround myself with all things pretty! A Pampering Party did happen but it was not fun or relaxing in the slightest. I can only hope that the next time I need to throw some paint on the old barn that I am feeling in tip top physical condition!

Who is suffering from a winter cold or flu right now? What are your go to remedies for easing the yucks and aches? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Sep21

If The Shoe Fits – Fall Haul Edition

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If The Shoe Fits – Fall Haul Edition

Hellooo everyone and happy Hump Day! Today I am concluding my Fall Haul with a brand new If The Shoe Fits article. Amazing shoes are usually the last thing you put on while getting ready but some would argue that they are the most important. So however you see it, it only seems fitting that some fabulous new shoes are what brings the Fall Haul to a close. Take a look at my latest footwear finds from Target and TJMaxx and let’s discuss:

The Haul:

  • Faux Snakeskin Booties: Target, $25
  • Studded Mary Jane Heels: TJMaxx, White Mountain, $25

Target Booties: My mom can serve as witness to the fact that when I saw these beautiful faux snakeskin booties, I literally gasped. I am usually not fond of any type of animal print but I. Love. Snakeskin…Fake, of course. For my birthday, I got a gorgeous Nine West faux snakeskin tote and these booties match my favorite bag exactly. These boots are edgy, cool, perfect for fall, and I got them for a steal. What could be better?

I love snakeskin so much because it is such a fabulous neutral. These booties literally go with everything. A true testament to that is when I paired my boots with a burgundy and floral print dress to wear to school. Instead of looking like I got dressed in the dark that day, I had a look that truly popped thanks to my new boots. Thanks to the gorgeous tans, creams, and greys in the snakeskin pattern, the contrast of the white florals against a deep burgundy dress looked much more severe and eye catching. The look was tied together with my matching tote and I seriously never felt better.

I can’t wait to continue pairing these shoes with unexpected pieces like loud patterned dresses, skirts, and tops because I am so confident that all they will do is enhance the look rather than make the patterns clash. These boots are going to be perfect with everything from jeans to dresses to cute little shorts in the summer. I am so pleased with this purchase and you can follow the link above to get a pair for yourself! #Twinning

TJMaxx Heels: I’m very excited about these sweet little heels because there was a pair on ModCloth that looked identical to them but costed at least eighty dollars more! These shoes aren’t as bold as some of the pairs that I own but I think that’s why I like them so much. I like that they are kind of simple but have edginess in their own right via the studded decal that goes around the shoes.

Unfortunately, the studs brought me a lot of woe but in the end, these shoes were so worth it. The day after I brought my heels home, I noticed that the stud on the middle of the left shoe’s toe was missing. Was it a big deal? No. But it drove me freaking crazy! It isn’t like anyone would ever notice that one stud on the shoe was missing but the fact that I knew that it was there was almost too much for me to handle.

That evening, I went to another TJ’s to see if they had the shoes so I could exchange them and had no luck. Then, I searched my home all over to see if there was anything that I could put in its place and came up with nada. After a few more days of stewing, I finally had it! I would pull a stud off of a super old and grungy pair of combat boots that I never wear and replace the missing stud.

The stud was easy to pull off of the boots because they’re well over four years old but everything after that was a hot mess. It took a good half hour to find super glue that wasn’t dried up completely and once I found one, I could not get it open for the life of me. After minutes of straining, I finally had to walk with my tail between my legs to my dad who got it open on the first try. Awesome.

*Sigh* At least the glue was open! I began to super glue away and the first couple of times didn’t work at all. After about the fourth try, the stud was finally sticking well so I decided to put a few more layers of glue on to make sure that it would stay put for forever. Bad idea. After the additional gluing, my thumbs and index fingers on both hands were glued together completely. I had no idea what to do because this had never happened to me before so I just started trying to pull my fingers apart.

After a few minutes, the glue finally started to give way and I was able to get my fingers separated. But, my god, did it hurt! The one good thing that came out of this story is that my studless shoe finally had a replacement and I no longer had to go crazy thinking about it. However, I think the craziness that I endured to get said stud onto the shoe was worse than just letting the fact that my shoe was missing a stud go! That just shows the great lengths that I will go to for my shoe babies. But hey, if the shoe fits! 😉

So there you have it, my latest issue of If The Shoe Fits – Fall Haul Edition! What is the craziest thing that you’ve ever done for a piece of clothing? How far would you go to fix a pair of shoes that you deeply loved? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Sep10

Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall

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Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall

Hi everyone and happy weekend! Welcome to my darling friend, Gintare’s, humorous take on why everyone should be looking forward to fall. This post is a hoot so I am sure you are all going to love it! Please be sure to check out Gintare’s blog, as well, for more fabulous posts! Enjoy:

Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall:

  1. You can overdose on cinnamon and pumpkin anything and nobody will dare to judge you.

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2. If you’re particularly bad at making yourself presentable, you can always tell people who stare that you’re testing some new looks for Halloween.

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3. Same goes for if the 24-7 rain messed up your mascara, too.

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4. You can skip make up entirely because nobody will see anything or anyone beyond the inside of their umbrellas.

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5. You’ll get your cardio whilst jumping around avoiding puddles and slippery leaves on the pavement.

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6. As the days get shorter the social pressure of going out and doing things will subside and you can release your inner introvert again!

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7. Mid-week movie nights will be more common, too, as it will be miserable outside so why wouldn’t you escape to an imaginary world instead?

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8. Speaking of, there will suddenly be so much time to read all those books you wanted to read since last fall!

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9. If all else fails to entertain you, you can always just brew yourself some warm tea, cozy up in an over-sized sweater, and look through the window at the people miserably running from the cold rain because they forgot their umbrella. (Admit it, you enjoy it a little bit.)

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10. Suddenly it’s a full year until you have to worry about how you look in a bikini. You know what that means!

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11. For one glorious week, if you’re lucky even longer, the look of trees will be awesome enough to inspire you to write something awesome. Or so you’ll think.

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12. Summer stuff will go on sale. This is when you buy something that’s a bit too small and aim to fit into it during the next summer. (Then you conveniently misplace it somewhere “whoopsie daisies”.)

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13. There will be some amazing TV shows hitting the Internets!

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14. Um…back to school stationery haul? Yas. I don’t even care that I’ve graduated from both school and uni already, no one can stop me!

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15. Cozy socks and we’re closer to Christmas. ‘Nuff said.

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Autumn is going to be great.

Let’s connect! Follow me on Instagram, Bloglovin, & now also on Twitter @SatOnWed – because the full name didn’t fit, haha. 9 times out of 10 I will jump into following you back, unless you’re that 1 out of 10 robot account *squints suspiciously*.

Saturday on wednesday

^^^ Love it! Thank you so much again to Gintare for giving us her countdown of reasons to look forward to fall! Once again, please check out her page and show her some love! What other reasons would you add to Gintare’s list? What is your favorite thing about fall? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jun6

Accidental Lip Facelift

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Accidental Lip Facelift

Hi everyone and welcome to a guest post from my friend, Lori, over at The Bluntist! As all of you know, I am on vacation right now and am lucky enough to have such amazing blogging friends to help maintain lifewithlilred while I’m away! So without further ado, enjoy a hilarious post from the beautiful Lori, with a guest appearance by tequila:

Accidental Lip Facelift

On Saturday we invited 30 of our closest friends over to celebrate my husband’s birthday. At a loss for what to drink, I opted to just do tequila shots all night long. I figured it would save me all the calories I would be consuming if I had selected a mixed drink or beer. After shot number 4 or 5 my lips felt crazy chapped. I felt like the 9 year old kid back at summer camp with the super chapped and peeling lips, except mine weren’t visibly chapped, they just felt like they were. I kept looking in the mirror and they looked plump and I didn’t need lip gloss. I kept up with the tequila shots.

The next day, I kept applying coconut and olive oil because Vaseline and Carmex weren’t cutting it. Come Monday, I was irritated and told myself that I would moisturize for one more day before taking to my lips with a toothbrush to exfoliate them. Patience has never been my strong suit so I grabbed a tissue and gave my lower lip a swift wipe right to left and then dragged the tissue left to right over my top lip. Instantly dead skin flaked off my lips and they were left feeling softer than a baby’s behind! What the hell had just happened?

Months ago, I had stumbled upon an easy natural-ish one ingredient cleanse  and it appears that I’ve now discovered another easy natural one ingredient lip facelift! Here are the easy steps on how to rejuvenate your lips.

Directions:

1. Cut up fresh limes into wedges.

2. Fill shot glass with Patron Silver.

3. Take the shot of Patron Silver and follow up by sucking on a lime wedge.

4. Repeat steps 1-3 numerous times.

5. When your lips begin feeling chapped, begin moisturizing with Vaseline, coconut oil, olive oil, or any other lip moisturizer. Do this for 24-36 hours.

6. Swipe a tissue swiftly across your lips. Wipe away the flaky dead layer of lip skin. Is lip skin technically a thing?

7. Enjoy your new soft supple lips….. compliments of my accidental lime lip facelift!

You’re welcome!

^^^ So funny! This is one beauty hack that I definitely don’t mind trying! Thanks again to the always wonderful, Lori! Please make sure to check her page out at The Bluntist and give it some love! Also, remember to tune in tomorrow for another guest post here on lifewithlilred! Much love. -Sarah

Mar11

iPod Picture Purge

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iPod Picture Purge

Hello everyone and TGIF! I have recently been informed thanks to a pop up on my beloved iPod that I am totally out of memory. Thanks to this memo, I can no longer take pictures with the built in camera. This is a problem because all of the low quality shots that I snap and upload onto the ol’ blog are compliments of my iPod. Unfortunately, this problem was a tough one to solve because I am a total funny picture hoarder.

I have pictures from years ago on there that crack me up that I just can’t bear to part with. However, through the process of elimination, I was able to find a few memes that I decided to throw on to my blog so it won’t be like completely deleting them! Take a look at some of the pics that never fail to make me laugh and that (sadly) won’t be part of my iPod memory bank any longer:

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^^^ Omg. I love this slide show setting! How handy!

Okay… So maybe they’re not that funny but they still get me every time! I hope that some of these were able to make you laugh and that you’re all having a great start to your Friday! What is everyone up to this weekend? Any big plans? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Dec14

Monday Update: You Are NOT A 90’s Kid Edition

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Monday Update: You Are NOT A 90’s Kid Edition

Helloooo everyone and happy Monday! I hope you all had a fantastic weekend – I know I did! I got to sleep in every day this weekend which was awesome and I also volunteered for Canine Lifeline with my mom to help some pups in need this holiday season. You can check out their website at: http://caninelifeline.org/ ! ANYWHO, on today’s Monday Update I have a bone to pick with the world in regards to the phrase “90’s kid”, so let’s discuss:

Yesterday, as I was scrolling through my newsfeed on WordPress I came across a girl who was born in 1999 claim that she was a “90’s kid” and I rolled my eyes SO hard. Once my eyeballs returned to their normal place in their sockets, I decided that it was time for a Lil Red PSA, so here it goes:

*Clears throat* If you were born in the latter half of the 1990’s (1995-on) then you are NOT a 90’s kid. You spent a majority of the 90’s in diapers and eating dirt. You were not enjoying the cartoons, toys, and pop culture related to the time period. The thing is, I was born in 1994 and I don’t even consider myself a 90’s kid because I can barely remember anything about it. I truly am a child of the 2000’s because I can vividly remember everything from it – and so is every teenybopper kid claiming 90’s status.

Because the last part of Section B Paragraph A is so important, let me reiterate it further. Yes, if you were born in the late 90’s, you are indeed a 90’s baby – barely. But are you a 90’s kid? No. You’re a child of the following decade. There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING more annoying than people born in the late 90’s claiming that it was the best times of their lives. There is nothing awesome about eating baby food, shitting your pants, and not being able to talk! Jesus!

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I have discussed my frustration of the phrase “90’s kid” being used willy nilly with countless friends as well as on Facebook last night. Literally every time the subject has come up, I’ve received responses similar to what was stated above the highly accurate Batman Slap meme. If you learn nothing else from my blog other than when it’s appropriate to give yourself the title of a “90’s kid”, then I have done my job. It is so incredibly annoying and must be stopped!!!

I spent six years in the 90’s but as I mentioned earlier, I don’t call myself a 90’s kid. I have literally a 1% recollection of 90’s pop culture and do you know how I know that? I watched a marathon of Vh1’s “I Love The 90’s” and I had no idea what they were talking about in almost every episode. However, in all of their “I Love The 2000’s” episodes, I could remember every single thing that was mentioned for the decade. So if you’re struggling with whether you’re a 90’s kid or not, give the old Vh1 test a try. ***Results may vary.

After years of irritation over the loosely used phrase, “90’s kid”, I felt that today’s Monday Update: You Are NOT A 90’s Kid was very necessary. How does everyone feel about this phrase? How do you know whether you are or not a 90’s kid? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Dec3

Looking Good, Feeling Awful

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Looking Good, Feeling Awful

Heyyy everyone and happy Thursday! I’ve been pretty lucky as far as my health goes these past few months – no flus, no infections, nothing…So naturally, I got a cold from hell this week. It’s so awful that I seriously think it would make Satan cry. And who do I have to thank for my unfortunate snotty situation? My boyfriend, of course. What a guy! ❤

Kyle wasn’t feeling well over Thanksgiving so good thing we spent it together, right? He had the beginnings of a cold and sore throat as well as a debilitating sprained ankle…Lucky for me, those aren’t contagious, too! I was feeling fine throughout Thanksgiving weekend, I was healthy as an ox (is that a saying?) and sexy as hell (hubba hubba)! But then on Monday, things took a turn for the worse because I woke up more stuffed up than one of those stuck up Kardashians…Who I HATE!

Every unfortunate cold symptom there is, I had – the sniffles, sore throat, sneezes, body aches, headaches, and a nose that ran faster than Usain Bolt. It’s basically like my own personal form of purgatory which I get to experience right from my home front! Yay!

On Monday after school I make the trek up to Kyle’s place because we always spend Monday evenings together. I was SO hungry by the time that I got there so we decided to get some Mexican food in our sickly stupor. The food was awesome and we got a half pitcher of margaritas to share which might not have been the best choice to drink after having a stomach full of cold medicine and pain relievers.

By the time that we got home, my stomach was in knots and I had to spend some quality time with the toilet where I ended up throwing up a gigantic margarita mess…It was not pretty. I was hurling and my nose was running and I somehow managed to get vomit all over my legs while I was trying to push my hair back. I was a hot as fuck mess. In those moments of stomach weakness, my tummy did end up feeling better but I was so disgusted with myself! I had to call Kyle as I sat on the bathroom floor to have him hobble over and bring me my shower gel so I could scrub my vomit soaked legs clean…It was really great and I highly recommend it.

How was Tuesday and Wednesday, you might ask? Well I am so glad you did because THEY SUCKED TOO! Tuesday and Wednesday ended up being a repeat of Monday except without puking up a half of a half pitcher of margs. Not only are my days filled with agony but I can’t even find any relief at night either. I’ve been waking up three or more times each night to blow my nose, cough, or just lay in misery…And do you know how hard it is to blow your nose with FIVE NOSE PIERCINGS?? I’ll answer that for you…It’s pretty hard. -__-

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^^^ Dandy is talking about me.

So there you have it, an update on your girl’s declining health in Looking Good, Feeling Awful. I hope all of you guys are having a wonderful and healthy week! Who’s experienced some nasty winter time sickness this year? What are your some of your go to remedies for helping with a cold? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Oct26

Man Crush Monday: Larry David Edition

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Man Crush Monday: Larry David Edition

Hellooo everyone and welcome to the newest edition of Man Crush Monday – Larry David style! This one may be a head scratcher for some of you but there is nothing more attractive than a man with an award winning sense of humor! Enjoy this clip from one of my favorite shows, Curb Your Enthusiasm, and then let’s discuss:

Dear Larry David,

Oh Larry, you beautiful bald headed Jewish man, you. Thank you for creating the brilliance that is Seinfeld and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Television as we know it would be nothing today without you, NOTHING. You were the brains behind the literal best sitcom of all time and your sense of humor is completely unmatched by the comedians of 2015. Thank you for creating TV shows that I can sit down with my parents and enjoy. Thank you for creating TV shows that I can quote to my wits end with people who are in on the Seinfeld and Curb jokes. Because let’s be honest, people who haven’t seen the shows just wouldn’t get it. Your infamous tongue in cheek openness about subjects ranging from people parking outside of the lines to absolutely nothing at all have earned you the tip of my cap. Hubba hubba, sir. Do I find you hella attractive? Not at all…Openness, right? But do I find your amazing creativity enviable and incredible – Yes, I do. Larry David, you are a genius and I LOVE YOU!!!

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^^^ Lol, classic LD!! Prettayyy, pretayyy, prettayyy good! ❤

So there you have it, this week’s Man Crush Monday: Larry David Edition! Who is your #MCM this week? What is your all time favorite episode of Seinfeld or Curb Your Enthusiasm? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Sep28

Monday Update: Farewell Fake Nails Edition

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Monday Update: Farewell Fake Nails Edition

Hellooo everyone and happy Monday! I hope all of you had a wonderful and relaxing weekend! So something kind of crazy happened this weekend that is so out of character for me that I have a hard time believing it myself…I took my acrylic nails off. Those of you who are familiar with my blog will know that I am (was) simply obsessed with my longer than life talon-esque fake nails, but something happened this weekend that just made me snap. Check out the story behind my breaking point and then we can mourn in my loss together:

On Saturday everything was running smoothly. I had a great few days with my boyfriend that I returned home from in the morning and my mom and I had a lovely shopping outing in the evening. But then…then a tragedy happened. As I was sitting on my bedroom floor scrolling through Facebook on my iPod something inside of me made me get up from my laziness to go downstairs and work on homework. I reached my hand back onto my bed to hoist myself up and then CRACK, the acrylic on my left hand middle finger broke clean in two.

“Well shit,” I thought to myself, “what am I going to do now”? It was too late for my salon to be open and it’s closed all day on Sundays (the following day). Then all kinds of thoughts began swarming in my head. Should I hold out until Monday and get it fixed? Should I bite the bullet and go to a different salon tomorrow? And then I began to inspect my natural nail that was visible from my unfortunate uh-oh. My nail was brittle, cracking, and dry as a bone. Honestly, I wasn’t surprised…I haven’t worn my nails natural since November of 2014 but I had no idea that they were that bad.

Upon further inspection of my nails, I decided that they desperately needed some TLC. After I made this realization I took a deep breath and began to gather the supplies needed to take my claws off at home – because after I thought about it, I refused to pay ten to fifteen dollars for something I could do from the comfort of my own bathroom. I grabbed a glass bowl big enough to fit both of my hands in, acetone nail polish remover, and nail clippers then I headed into the loo to take care of business.

I sat my sweet ass on the floor of the throne room and got to work by clipping my acrylics down to the nub. This was painful physically and emotionally. My clippers are obvs not salon quality so I had to apply hella pressure to get my nails declawed. With every snap crackle pop of the acrylic being cut off my heart sank deeper into my butt….But finally, the deed was done. I filled my bowl with the nail polish remover, pulled myself together, and descended downstairs to watch Arrested Development as my nails soaked off.

After my TV time, my nails were loose enough that I could pry them off and just like that, my acrylics were gone. I stared down at my bare hands and looked at them as if I were seeing them for the first time. “Jesus Christ…What did I just do?” I continued to gaze down at my nails with a critical eye and all I could see were stubby fingers and the most unhealthy nails ever and I seriously could have cried. After a “you’re a strong independent woman who don’t need no nails” pep talk, I did what had to be done…Apply enough lotion to fill up a bathtub onto my hands, put some socks on over them, and walk around my house performing sock puppet theater. #Ihatemyself

The next few days without my nails were weird, to say the least. Texting on my phone and typing on the computer without hearing my claws clacking away felt foreign and strange. Running my hands through my hair without feeling my talons grazing my scalp felt uncomfortable. Even scratching an itch with my bare nails felt unfamiliar. I was so lost…and then I got used to it.

I took my acrylics off for a reason, which was to get my natural nails healthy and damnit, that’s what I’m gonna do. It will definitely take some time to grow accustomed to life without my long fake nails, but that’s okay. It’s going to save me money to not have to get my nails filled every month and most importantly it’s going to get my real nails back to normal, which is something I’m taking very seriously. #gosarahgo

So there you have it, this week’s Monday Update: Farewell Fake Nails Edition! Have any of you lovelies had an experience similar to mine after taking off their acrylics or another beauty staple you use? What are some tips that you have for healthy natural nails? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Sep24

I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir

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I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir

Helloooo everyone and happy Thursday! So as you guys know, my car AKA the Little Red Love Machine AKA LRLM is my pride and joy. I love my 2012 Mazda 2 hatchback more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life, so when it’s in a dangerous situation I turn into a fierce mother bear. With this disclaimer in mind, you’ll see why I just couldn’t even while driving to school yesterday – ESPECIALLY in regards to senior citizen drivers. Do I sound bitchy yet? Don’t care, so get ready for the rant of a lifetime in “I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir”.

First things first, I am ALL for old people driving for as long as they can but there comes a point when they are a straight up danger to themselves and everyone else on the road. During my drive to Cleveland for class on Wednesday I encountered two problematic situations – one that was uber annoying and one that was one hundred and three percent dangerous. Let’s discuss:

Annoyed & Angsty: I started my drive on Wednesday feeling really good. I had a nice full tank of gas, a fresh coffee, and I had plenty of time to get to school with at least twenty minutes to spare to study for my French test. Everything was smooth sailing until I got on the road I take to get on the highway. For a long stretch of the street, the speed limit is 45, so other drivers and myself included are usually going a solid five to seven MPH over. Unfortunately, this common vehicular courtesy did not apply to the old timer in front of me who was going at least fifteen MPH under the speed limit, traveling at roughly thirty MPH. I. Was. LIVID.

So I’m driving along, still trying to put the pedal to the metal to get this geezer moving and he literally wouldn’t budge. Thanks to my bad luck of getting stuck behind this guy, a road that usually takes me ten minutes to drive on took me an extra five to seven minutes, dwindling my study refresher session time lower and lower. Now some of you guys are probably thinking “big deal” and in the long run, it isn’t that huge of a deal. But what if it was you who was potentially going to run late for work, class, or a date? Wouldn’t you be pissed too? I can see someone driving at the speed limit exactly but fifteen under?? Jesus.

Irritated & Endangered: Finally, I lost my senior citizen friend once he turned down the street and I was back in business. I made it to the traffic light before the highway and would be the first to drive off to the Tri-C sunset as soon as it turned green. “Yes!” I thought to myself, “what could possibly go wrong now?” ….Apparently a lot.

The light changed to green and I fired up the LRLM engine for a highway adventure. I got onto the entrance ramp and began to pick up speed when all of a sudden BAM, I slammed on my breaks hard. Everything in my passenger seat went flying to the floor and my heart was racing a gazillion miles a minute…I was stuck behind another old timer. This is no exaggeration when I say that this driver was going at approximately twenty MPH on a highway entrance ramp.

I am SO thankful that I have extremely fast reflexes and could hit my breaks in time because there was no way I could have seen this vehicle from farther away. The car was beyond the curve of the ramp, so it was out of my line of vision – but when I  made the curve coming in hot at close to fifty MPH the car was right fucking there. Not only am I thankful that my breaks were functional and efficient enough to bring my car to a full stop from such a high speed but I’m so lucky that there was no one behind me either. If there was another traveler behind me, there is a very good chance he would have rear ended me, slamming me into the slow poke, and totaling my car completely.

At first I was shaken up…I could have been in a potentially life threatening accident. But then, I was infuriated. I was enraged that this senior citizen who clearly couldn’t use the entrance ramp properly was even there. Everyone knows that those ramps are there to get you close to highway speed before getting on one so how can that happen if someone is going at twenty MPH??

Everyone thinks that it’s the fast drivers that cause the most damage and that’s probably true but slow drivers are just as dangerous. I’m not writing this post to be mean or say that all old people can’t drive, but my god, there should come a point when they shouldn’t be on the road anymore. I am a firm believer that everyone beyond a certain age should have to take some sort of driving test to keep their license to prevent the situations that I encountered yesterday. I’m so happy I got to school safe and sound but I’m still so fired up about the whole thing and I really just CAN’T EVEN.

even

So there you have it, I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir. This rant was something I really needed to get off of my chest, so thanks for letting me ramble! Has anyone had a situation similar to mine while driving? How do you feel about mandatory driving tests after a certain age? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah