Tag Archives: humor

These Are My Confessions…

Standard
These Are My Confessions…

Hiiiii everyone! I have to confess… after close to two months post break up with my most recent ex, I made a Tinder… and a Bumble, too. Lol, *Facepalm Emoji* But, damnit, I just couldn’t help it. All of my single lady friends encouraged me to make one, as they have one, as well, so I figured “why not”?

In a social media world, it can be difficult and even damn near impossible to meet someone the old fashioned way. And, for me, it feels even harder considering I am self employed. I have no coworkers and the people who I do work with have special needs so getting my flirt on while on the job is a NO, as I’m responsible for someone else at the time. It’s just not a good look.

At twenty-four, I’m over the going to the bar stage of my life. And, because my working week keeps me so busy, my weekends are normally spent recouping from that. So, how in the HECK do I meet someone?! Hence, I downloaded Tinder… and Bumble. -___-

I haven’t had a Tinder since I was nineteen and, I have to say, it is exactly what I remember it being. AKA, swiping through a bunch of pictures of guys holding up fish. Lolol, seriously! I’ve never seen so many fish pictures in my life. And, because I am anti-fishing, it’s always a no, no, no.

AND, if it’s not fish pictures, it’s pictures of a huge group of people. How am I supposed to figure out who you are if your profile picture is of your entire graduating college class?! No, no, no siree BOB. I thought that maybe Bumble would be a little different and I liked the idea that the girl had to contact the person who you matched with. But, it’s literally the exact same as Tinder.

In fact, I have seen so many of the same fish pictures on Bumble as I have on Tinder and I just can’t take it! Does anyone else notice this?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!! I’ll admit, that I have absolutely NO idea where I was going with this post, but I really felt like I needed to get all of that off of my chest, so thanks for listening! Lololol WOOF.

How do my single friends meet people? Who has had some success on any of the dating apps? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: Week Adjourned

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Standard
Happy Valentine’s Day!

Hiiii everyone and Happy Valentine’s Day! Unfortunately, I have no cute OOTD for this post, because I suffered from Canttakeagoodpicturetosavemylife-neosis. It’s a rare disorder when you look cute but just can’t seem to take a good picture to save your life, as the name clearly states. So, instead, I will just be wishing all of the love birds a very happy day celebrating their relationship. ❤

What will I be doing, you ask? Oh, nothing. Nothing at all. When you’re chronically single, Valentine’s Day is just another day and I will be working, working. I won’t even get to treat myself to a nice soak with a bath bomb from Lush, because I’ll be working late. But, hey, single on Valentine’s Day means that I won’t have to share my chocolate with anyone else, so here I am always looking on the bright side! 😀

No matter how you spend your day, in a relationship or not, just remember that Lil Red has love for all of her readers. And, at the end of the day, that’s the love that really matters. 😉

Funny-Valentines-Day-Cards-Tumblr-Harry-Potter-09

How are you spending V-Day? What has been your favorite Valentine’s Day celebration? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Poshmark, Please

Standard
Poshmark, Please

Hi! Have you ever thought about a piece of clothing or accessory that you didn’t buy, but really really wish that you did days, months, or years later down the line? No? Maybe it is just me. Anyways, that’s what this blog post is about today and how my memory of an elephant, some help from a blogging friend, and an obsession with getting some cheetah print reunited me with this beautiful Kensie moto jacket:

kensiekensie1kensie2

^^^ Thank you, @sundaygirlpicks !!

Once upon a time, I found this jacket at TJMaxx and I have no idea why I didn’t buy it. I guess at the time (Say, two years ago) I just wasn’t interested in cheetah print. And, then, a few days ago, I became obsessed with all cheetah print everything. It’s funny how people’s tastes and opinions can do a complete one eighty in time! I began scouring TJMaxx’s website and all I could find was faux fur cheetah print which, sadly, would make me look like a (Very high class) hooker. You may laugh, but it is oh so true.

After inspecting the site further, I realized that, for once, I was out of luck on TJ’s website. And, like magic, a memory of me trying the above coat on in the TJMaxx fitting room went through my head. All I could think about was how I wish that I just bought the damn thing and began a new quest for a moto or denim style cheetah print jacket. It was so on. I looked through Asos, Nasty Gal, Shein, Romwe, Nordstrom Rack, and Zara but I couldn’t find NOTHIN. I was crushed. And I was desperate.

In this state of frenzy, another little ditty popped into my head, because a similar situation has happened to me before. This took place in the form of a faux fur vest that I had bought years ago, but didn’t have the self confidence to wear. And, once I gained an improved self esteem, I wanted that vest back REAL bad. A fellow blogger left a comment on the post that I linked to and recommended that I try Ebay or Poshmark, because they might have it. And that is exactly what I did with my Kensie jacket…

But, at the time, I didn’t know that the brand was Kensie. So how the HECK did I find it, you might ask? Well, my friends, the revelation came to me in a place where I do my best thinking. On the toilet.

toilet

The toilet. The john. The loo. The porcelain throne. Whatever you may call it, is where a vision came to me. Before doing my business, I was typing brands into Poshmark willy nilly hoping that I would strike gold, but it just wasn’t working. I tried Carolina Belle and Sanctuary and a handful of other brands that TJ’s carries and was having absolutely no luck. I thought that my search was nearing its end when, all of a sudden, I had to WHIZ like crazy.

A combination of coffee and Diet Coke that day left my bladder on the fritz, and I ran up the stairs to my bathroom so that I could have some peace and quiet. It was midstream that my final vision of the night came to me. It was crazy because, in my head, I could see the brand tag on the jacket at TJMaxx so clearly and it said KENSIE. I hurriedly finished the task at hand, ran back to the computer, typed my desire into Poshmark’s search bar, and there it was.

I couldn’t believe it. My size. The right price. The right brand. MY jacket. Without a moment’s hesitation, I shot up, grabbed my wallet, created a Poshmark account, and made my purchase. I am anxiously awaiting the arrival of my new Kensie moto jacket and I’m not sure why I felt so inclined to share this story but it was so crazy that I just had to. Yes, this was a rambling post but, goddamnit, I’m so excited that I don’t even care. I DID IT! Long live fashion! Long live TJMaxx! AND MANY THANKS TO POSHMARK!!

Has anyone ever experienced a similar ordeal to mine? Who else uses Poshmark or Ebay to update their wardrobe? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: Edena Fashion

Happy Halloween!

Standard
Happy Halloween!

Greetings everyone and a very Happy Halloween to all of you! I hope that all of you who celebrate enjoy a day of tricks and treats and, to those of you who don’t partake in the festivities, have a great normal day! Here is a friendly reminder of my angry dog in her minion costume last year wishing everyone a wonderful day:

halloweenn

Gem says…

Happy Halloween!!

Flashback Fun

Standard
Flashback Fun

Hi everyone and happy Sunday! When I talk about my dogs to anyone who will listen, nine times out of ten, I end up showing them the pictures of my rescue pups dressed up for Halloween. Ollie, my terrier mix, and Gem, our Golden Retriever, make up a huge part of my happiness. And, when I think about them, I often flashback to their Despicable Me minion costumes for Halloween this past year:

halloweenn1halloweenn

I LOVE the polar opposition in these pictures between my babies, because Ollie is just going about his day as normal. Gem, on the other hand, looks freaking PISSED. I am that crazy dog mom who would have pictures of them in my wallet if I could. But, when dogs are the topic of discussion, showing these pictures from my iPod always gets a laugh – and hopefully it makes you laugh, too! It’s just a fun party trick of mine, you know?

Do you dress your pets up for Halloween? Are they like Ollie or Gem when it comes to wearing clothes? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Adorable Cuteness Overload Pt. 2

Standard
Adorable Cuteness Overload Pt. 2

Hiii everyone! So you guys saw my dad’s surprise get well shrine for my mom yesterday – cute, right? Lol, well he added a new member to the sunshine crew and it was so funny that I just had to share it with you all:

adorable

In case you were wondering, yes, that is a cut out head of a monkey sending his well wishes. Wait, what? Haha, I guess we got some magazines from one of the wildlife programs that we donate to, and we got two copies of the monkey edition. Since we had two of a kind, my dad decided that it was okay to cut up the cover to place with the gnome, dog, and flowers.

Naturally, my mom did not want this decapitated monkey picture hanging out on our kitchen table, so my dad retired him to his new location after only one short hour with the sunshine crew:

adorable1

I just really can’t even, and it was so funny in the “what the hell” type of way that it only felt necessary to share with each and every one of you. 😀

Does anyone else have weird mascots hanging out in their home? What is the weirdest thing that you or a friend owns? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Smile!

Standard
Smile!

Hi everyone! On Friday, I went to visit the Akron Zoo and couldn’t stand the cuteness of one adorable animal in particular – the puffer-fish! I seriously could have stood in front of their little home for hours watching them float around and being simply charmed by their tiny smile. Take a look:

fishie

Cheese!

It was hard not to be totally enamored by this little guy, so much so that I basically bellowed “HE’S SO CUTE” to no one in particular. In fact, I was so busy watching him, that I didn’t even notice the little girl standing beside me who yelled “HE’S SO CUTE” just like the goofy redhead who screamed it seconds before. Of course, I had to acknowledge the little lady with great taste in fish so I turned to her and replied with, “HE IS SO CUTE”!!! It was really something. :’)

If you’re having a down and out Tuesday, just remember that puffer-fish are adorable creatures with a tiny smile and that should brighten your day right up. If your day is going fantastic already, make it even better by remembering this little post. 😀

What is your favorite animal? Which animal smiles do you go gaga over? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: Flickr

The Pre Date Night Frenzy

Standard
The Pre Date Night Frenzy

Going on a date is a serious business, right? We want to look good for our intended beau! However, in the run-up to the big night, logic seems to go out of the window. Partly due to stress, as well as ensuring we are the only girl on the guy’s radar during the evening, we take part in some weird rituals and habits that might seem a little crazy in retrospect. Take a look at what we mean below, and see how many you are familiar with:

Getting ready hours before the date: We want to look our best, so with all of our giddy excitement, we start getting ready hours before we are due to go out. There’s a lot of prep to be done, from choosing the outfit that we are going to wear to working out what makeup will match the look we are going for. We want to impress the guy, not look like something the cat just dragged through the back door, so we make every effort to get things right.

dateeAnd it’s only 9 AM!

We look to Hollywood for advice: You may not be going to the movies on your night out, but you can still pick up a few handy lessons from Hollywood in the day’s leading up to your date. If you want what she’s having, you may pick up some tips from Meg Ryan in ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ and if you want to know what not to do, there’s no better place to learn than from a ‘Bridget Jones’ movie. Of course, Hollywood isn’t reality, so don’t assume all of your Cinderella fantasies will come true. Real life is far more complicated, although watching Bridget make another embarrassing faux pas is going to lighten your mood before you go out.

datee1Flickr Image

We sabotage our good looks: While trying to look good for our date, we stand a greater chance of ruining things for ourselves if we overdo it. Popping zits may seem like a good idea, but it only increases the chances of another outbreak. Hint: Use decent acne cream, instead. Then, when waxing to get rid of body hair, we are in danger of breaking out in unflattering red bumps. Hint: Use these helpful tips to soothe skin after waxing. Hello, silky smooth skin!

We change your mind about the outfit…again: Remember that outfit you picked out at the start of the day? Maybe it’s not the right one after all, so you should probably try something else. You FaceTime your besties and ask (order) them to give you their valued opinion. After listening to their advice for an hour, you hang up on them. They clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. That blue dress with those shoes? Are they mad? In a frenzy, you go back and forth in your mind and body trying on each outfit, trying to preempt your guy’s opinion. In the end, you decide the outfit you chose the first time was the right one after all. Classic.

We become proficient at telling the time: What time is it now? Oh, it’s okay, there’s still hours to go before the date. What time is it now? Oh, it’s only two minutes after the last time you looked. Look, you aren’t going to make time fly by checking your watch every few minutes so relax and give yourself a break. Do something to distract yourself, and you won’t fret as much. Play some music, chat with your friends, watch Bridget Jones for the third time today. What time is it now? AHH, you’re meeting him in five minutes and you still haven’t done your hair. Where did the time go?!

We play the date through in our head…a hundred times: There’s no way that you will know how well the date will go until you actually get there. That doesn’t stop you from going over every eventuality. In your first daydream, you step out of your car door and into your fella’s arms. He whisks you off of your feet and into a ballroom in a scene that is reminiscent of that one part in ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ Only, he’s no beast, he’s absolutely gorgeous, and he proposes to you before the first dance is over. ‘Yes’ you shout out, and everybody applauds as they relish in your celebration. Second daydream: you fall out of your car into a muddy puddle, ruining your dress. The guy doesn’t so much whisk you off of your feet as drag you through the mud as the crowd begins to gather. You stand in the middle of the puddle, just a girl standing in front of a guy, only you are no longer the Julia Roberts in your head, and you have stepped into the cringy world of Bridget Jones. Yikes!

datee2#dreamdate

And then: After going through everything we mentioned, you finally get to your date. He compliments you on how you look and you tell him it was just something you threw together. When he then asks you how your day was, you look at him straight in the eye and say it was fine, just another chilled out day. Of course, you know different. Let’s just hope the date is worth it!

The pre date night frenzy is real and sometimes it can be brutal. Take a deep breath, eat some chocolate, and CHILL OUT! You’re great and it’s going to be a wonderful night!

Cleaning Out My Closet

Standard
Cleaning Out My Closet

Hi everyone and happy Tuesday! Okay. We all know by now that I am a clothing hoarder. Everything from accessories and shoes to purses and a closet full of gorgeous duds – I have a lot of it. It’s no secret that I love to shop, BUT it’s also not a secret that I rarely do a closet overhaul because I never know when I might need that five year old cardigan!!

My clothes make me happy to look at, but even I have to admit that it was becoming a chore to squeeze new purchases into my overflowing closet and dresser. It really had me wishing I had a team like those at Closets Etc. to help me organize the clothing chaos! Alas, it was left to little old me so I made an effort to go through my clothing collection and take the rejects to Plato’s Closet and then donate the items that they didn’t want. I have to say – it was really hard!!

During my closet clean out, I tried to follow the “if I haven’t worn it in a year, get rid of it” rule. However, this proved to be pretty difficult since I really do wear everything that I own. When I go on shopping trips, I purchase things that I know that I will get a lot of use out of. I am mindful of the quality of the piece that I’m considering and if it will still be in excellent condition one, two, or five years from now. So, with that in mind, you can see how this overhaul was a struggle. It was seriously almost like trying to decide which one of my two beloved dogs that I like the least. Lol, as you can see – I really love my clothes!!

Despite what myself and the good lord knows was a difficult task, I was able to manage filling up my vacation bag with clothes and accessories to take to Plato’s Closet. Although I do try and wear all of the pieces in my wardrobe as often as I can, there definitely were some items that haven’t been in the spotlight for quite some time. Maybe not an entire year’s worth of time, but long enough that I could picture myself without having the top, bottoms, etc. So, into the bag it went.

I would be a liar if I said that I wasn’t pleased with myself. Even though I had a hard time with my closet clean out, I still managed to purge a decent amount of stuff. With an “I just finished a marathon” smile on my face, I made my way to Plato’s Closet to see if I could get myself at least a tank of gas with my fallen clothing friends. I had a pretty good feeling about this, because I take excellent care of my clothes to the point where my wardrobe looks like it’s filled with brand new pieces. But:

APPARENTLY PLATO’S CLOSET DIDN’T THINK SO!!!

Plato’s Closet baffles me – which is why I don’t even like going into the store. They always seem to take the clothing that I wasn’t confident that they would want but threw in the bag anyways, rather than the actual nice pieces that I have to offer. Out of the lovely fall coats and sweaters that I was willing to part with, they ended up taking the random odds and ends of my unwanted items, instead.

It was just confusing to me as to how I only received seventeen dollars for clothing that I know will be marked up to an ungodly price. Does this sound petty? Yes. But it’s okay, because everyone who has sold to Plato’s Closet before has thought that so it definitely needed saying. Of course, I’m happy to be rid of some if the items collecting dust in my closet, but there’s always going to be that “wtf” confusion when an old T-shirt was chosen rather than something with the tags still on it (Gifts! I buy my clothes to wear, remember?)!

Am I bitter? I’m always bitter. But, I did get a tank of gas out of my closet cleaning Plato’s Closet excursion, which is what I set out to do, so it’s cool. (It’s not.)

Cleaning Out My Closet proved to be immensely difficult and the payoff was minimal, but I’m glad to have gotten it over with! What are your closet cleaning tips? What are your thoughts on Plato’s Closet? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: PopKey

#blessed

Standard
#blessed

Hi everyone and happy Thursday! This post is about to be TMI so if reading about female hygiene problems grosses you out, then feel free to tune in with a new addition of If The Shoe Fits tomorrow! I won’t be offended, I promise.

Okay, so the other night I was so excited because I had on my brand new Calvin Klein sleep pants. If you forget what they look like, here they are:

ck3

They’re cute, right? Really, really white, right? The type of pants that you wouldn’t want Aunt Flo visiting you in, right? Well, of course, that’s what happened. The sequence of events went like this:

  1. I changed into my pajama pants.
  2. I made it a point to announce to everyone in my home how happy I was about said pajama pants.
  3. Promptly did a little twirl to show off.
  4. Sat down to watch TV after realizing that no one cared.
  5. BOOM. Started my period. -___-

After realizing that a really unfortunate “accident” happened on my brand new white jammies, I didn’t know what to do. My mom wasn’t home, so I couldn’t tell her and hear her sage advice. And my dad gets upset whenever I ask him to shave the back of my neck compliments of my short hair, so I knew he wouldn’t be of any help. But, boy was I wrong.

The thing about my dad, is that he HATES 1) Talking about bodily functions and 2) When I use the washing machine. The few times that I’ve tried to do laundry, I royally messed it up and after those unfortunate incidents, my dad doesn’t want me anywhere near an expensive piece of technology. With this knowledge, can you imagine approaching my father with a period related laundry problem? Yeah, yikes.

So, instead of using the washing machine without asking, I casually changed my pants, applied stain remover to the problem area, and asked my dad, “Do you know how to get stains out of white clothes?”. Of course, my dad had to ask, “Well, what kind of stain is it?”. I literally didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I think I would have preferred to tell him that I peed my pants. ANYTHING but my period. I shuffled my feet for at least five seconds and finally said, “It’s blood, if you really have to know”.

And what did my dad do? If you’re thinking that his head exploded from the sheer shock that his adult daughter was menstruating, then you’ll be surprised to know that he calmly replied with, “Okay, did you put stain remover on it?”. He then proceeded to ask me what material the pants were made out of and then GOOGLED “how to remove blood stains from cotton clothes”. Like, what?

My dad then walked me through, step by step, how to use the washing machine and how to remove the stain according to Google. How to presoak the pants, that I should put more stain remover on after the soak, which setting I should wash it on next, how to dry it without the pants shrinking. Every step in the dance of removing a period stain from white pants, my dad covered in detail.

And guess what? It worked! Thanks to my dad helping me and keeping a level head, the stain out of my WHITE pajama bottoms was gone. I was shocked, but after it happened, I don’t know why I thought that he would have reacted any differently. I think my dad saw that I really just needed help and taken care of. I’ve had a rough few weeks and instead of telling me to figure my woman problems out myself, he taught me how to handle it.

My dad faced his fears of 1) Me being within a foot of the washing machine and 2) Me talking about my body problems because he saw his daughter in distress. I don’t know, this just really showed me the man that my dad is so clearly and it was special to me. I put him in an awkward situation and he handled it in the way that I so desperately needed. I love my parents so much, but I’m genuinely happy that my mom wasn’t home so that my dad and I could tackle this #periodproblem together.

I feel so #blessed about my Aunt Flo scenario, but I think I’ll be waiting until after my period is done to wear my new sleep pants again! Has anyone ever had an awkward moment with their parents that brought you closer together? How do you beat the period blues? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah