Tag Archives: cant even

Monday Update: You Are NOT A 90’s Kid Edition

Standard
Monday Update: You Are NOT A 90’s Kid Edition

Helloooo everyone and happy Monday! I hope you all had a fantastic weekend – I know I did! I got to sleep in every day this weekend which was awesome and I also volunteered for Canine Lifeline with my mom to help some pups in need this holiday season. You can check out their website at: http://caninelifeline.org/ ! ANYWHO, on today’s Monday Update I have a bone to pick with the world in regards to the phrase “90’s kid”, so let’s discuss:

Yesterday, as I was scrolling through my newsfeed on WordPress I came across a girl who was born in 1999 claim that she was a “90’s kid” and I rolled my eyes SO hard. Once my eyeballs returned to their normal place in their sockets, I decided that it was time for a Lil Red PSA, so here it goes:

*Clears throat* If you were born in the latter half of the 1990’s (1995-on) then you are NOT a 90’s kid. You spent a majority of the 90’s in diapers and eating dirt. You were not enjoying the cartoons, toys, and pop culture related to the time period. The thing is, I was born in 1994 and I don’t even consider myself a 90’s kid because I can barely remember anything about it. I truly am a child of the 2000’s because I can vividly remember everything from it – and so is every teenybopper kid claiming 90’s status.

Because the last part of Section B Paragraph A is so important, let me reiterate it further. Yes, if you were born in the late 90’s, you are indeed a 90’s baby – barely. But are you a 90’s kid? No. You’re a child of the following decade. There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING more annoying than people born in the late 90’s claiming that it was the best times of their lives. There is nothing awesome about eating baby food, shitting your pants, and not being able to talk! Jesus!

90s2

I have discussed my frustration of the phrase “90’s kid” being used willy nilly with countless friends as well as on Facebook last night. Literally every time the subject has come up, I’ve received responses similar to what was stated above the highly accurate Batman Slap meme. If you learn nothing else from my blog other than when it’s appropriate to give yourself the title of a “90’s kid”, then I have done my job. It is so incredibly annoying and must be stopped!!!

I spent six years in the 90’s but as I mentioned earlier, I don’t call myself a 90’s kid. I have literally a 1% recollection of 90’s pop culture and do you know how I know that? I watched a marathon of Vh1’s “I Love The 90’s” and I had no idea what they were talking about in almost every episode. However, in all of their “I Love The 2000’s” episodes, I could remember every single thing that was mentioned for the decade. So if you’re struggling with whether you’re a 90’s kid or not, give the old Vh1 test a try. ***Results may vary.

After years of irritation over the loosely used phrase, “90’s kid”, I felt that today’s Monday Update: You Are NOT A 90’s Kid was very necessary. How does everyone feel about this phrase? How do you know whether you are or not a 90’s kid? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir

Standard
I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir

Helloooo everyone and happy Thursday! So as you guys know, my car AKA the Little Red Love Machine AKA LRLM is my pride and joy. I love my 2012 Mazda 2 hatchback more than I’ve ever loved anything in my life, so when it’s in a dangerous situation I turn into a fierce mother bear. With this disclaimer in mind, you’ll see why I just couldn’t even while driving to school yesterday – ESPECIALLY in regards to senior citizen drivers. Do I sound bitchy yet? Don’t care, so get ready for the rant of a lifetime in “I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir”.

First things first, I am ALL for old people driving for as long as they can but there comes a point when they are a straight up danger to themselves and everyone else on the road. During my drive to Cleveland for class on Wednesday I encountered two problematic situations – one that was uber annoying and one that was one hundred and three percent dangerous. Let’s discuss:

Annoyed & Angsty: I started my drive on Wednesday feeling really good. I had a nice full tank of gas, a fresh coffee, and I had plenty of time to get to school with at least twenty minutes to spare to study for my French test. Everything was smooth sailing until I got on the road I take to get on the highway. For a long stretch of the street, the speed limit is 45, so other drivers and myself included are usually going a solid five to seven MPH over. Unfortunately, this common vehicular courtesy did not apply to the old timer in front of me who was going at least fifteen MPH under the speed limit, traveling at roughly thirty MPH. I. Was. LIVID.

So I’m driving along, still trying to put the pedal to the metal to get this geezer moving and he literally wouldn’t budge. Thanks to my bad luck of getting stuck behind this guy, a road that usually takes me ten minutes to drive on took me an extra five to seven minutes, dwindling my study refresher session time lower and lower. Now some of you guys are probably thinking “big deal” and in the long run, it isn’t that huge of a deal. But what if it was you who was potentially going to run late for work, class, or a date? Wouldn’t you be pissed too? I can see someone driving at the speed limit exactly but fifteen under?? Jesus.

Irritated & Endangered: Finally, I lost my senior citizen friend once he turned down the street and I was back in business. I made it to the traffic light before the highway and would be the first to drive off to the Tri-C sunset as soon as it turned green. “Yes!” I thought to myself, “what could possibly go wrong now?” ….Apparently a lot.

The light changed to green and I fired up the LRLM engine for a highway adventure. I got onto the entrance ramp and began to pick up speed when all of a sudden BAM, I slammed on my breaks hard. Everything in my passenger seat went flying to the floor and my heart was racing a gazillion miles a minute…I was stuck behind another old timer. This is no exaggeration when I say that this driver was going at approximately twenty MPH on a highway entrance ramp.

I am SO thankful that I have extremely fast reflexes and could hit my breaks in time because there was no way I could have seen this vehicle from farther away. The car was beyond the curve of the ramp, so it was out of my line of vision – but when I  made the curve coming in hot at close to fifty MPH the car was right fucking there. Not only am I thankful that my breaks were functional and efficient enough to bring my car to a full stop from such a high speed but I’m so lucky that there was no one behind me either. If there was another traveler behind me, there is a very good chance he would have rear ended me, slamming me into the slow poke, and totaling my car completely.

At first I was shaken up…I could have been in a potentially life threatening accident. But then, I was infuriated. I was enraged that this senior citizen who clearly couldn’t use the entrance ramp properly was even there. Everyone knows that those ramps are there to get you close to highway speed before getting on one so how can that happen if someone is going at twenty MPH??

Everyone thinks that it’s the fast drivers that cause the most damage and that’s probably true but slow drivers are just as dangerous. I’m not writing this post to be mean or say that all old people can’t drive, but my god, there should come a point when they shouldn’t be on the road anymore. I am a firm believer that everyone beyond a certain age should have to take some sort of driving test to keep their license to prevent the situations that I encountered yesterday. I’m so happy I got to school safe and sound but I’m still so fired up about the whole thing and I really just CAN’T EVEN.

even

So there you have it, I Can’t Even – A White Girl Memoir. This rant was something I really needed to get off of my chest, so thanks for letting me ramble! Has anyone had a situation similar to mine while driving? How do you feel about mandatory driving tests after a certain age? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Drunk Girl Diaries

Standard
Drunk Girl Diaries

Heyyy everyone and happy Saturday! So last night I was the epitome of white girl wasted which resulted in some classic drunk girl behavior that was too funny not to share! My friend came over last night for what I thought was going to be some casual drinks on the deck but unfortunately, Lil Red went wayyy too hard. We were sipping on some super delicious mixed drinks that didn’t taste alcoholic in the slightest so I was throwing them back like no other. By the time our festivities were over (AKA when our bottle was done), I was throwing up in the bushes in my backyard. Strike one.

I headed back into my house, which I honestly don’t even remember doing and decided to shove some carbs in my face with the hopes that I would feel better. I grabbed a piece of white bread, a bag full of BBQ chips that were miraculously left on the kitchen table, and a cold enchilada leftover from dinner that I didn’t bother heating up. Within two bites of my fresh from the refrigerator enchilada I had to hurl AGAIN. So I made my way to the bathroom and spent at least ten minutes getting acquainted with the toilet. Strike two. I returned to my food only to run into my hard wooden chair which completely fell over and I went down with it. TIMBERRRRRR. I vividly remember my sloppy self saying “Jesus Christ, Sarah” and then I ate my bread and chips like a champ. I was able to keep the food down, so I guess I figured that it would be a good idea to eat eight coconut fudge cookies in a row and go to bed. Big, BIG mistake.

I’m not sure why I thought that it was necessary to eat so many cookies but I just couldn’t help it – they tasted SO good!! So I take my trashy ass self upstairs with a belly full of cookies, bread, and booze. By the time I got myself undressed (which I’m sure went over like a bullet in the skull), I was feeling very woozy but I thought that it would be in my best interest to just get into bed. Big mistake. Within thirty seconds of laying down, the urge to purge was there in full force so I booked it to the bathroom as fast as my wobbly little legs could take me. I spent lots of quality time with the toilet – apparently vodka and coconut cookies don’t mix well together. Strikes three, four, and five.

After I was done vomiting up a storm, I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor. I slept like someone who hasn’t seen their bed in a week…and in this case my bed was the hard, tiled floor of the throne room. Lucky for me, I dressed myself like I was getting ready for a trek in the snow when I got into my pajamas so at least I was warm. Drunky Sarah thought that a thick sleep shirt, sweatpants, and a hoodie were an absolute must and I guess it was, considering all of the material provided me with some cushioning! I woke up in the bathroom this morning from my sister walking in to get ready for work. She said, “Sarah, what are you doing in here?” To which I mumbled back, “I don’t know, I guess I fell asleep” and stumbled off to my bed to sleep some more.

Here’s the breakdown of my wastey pants night by numbers:

  • At least 9 shots of vodka
  • 1 glass of wine
  • 8 coconut fudge cookies
  • 5 instances of puking my brains out
  • 1 floral print pair of sweatpants matched with 1 striped hoodie (A perfect combo, obvs.)
  • 2 broken nails (Don’t ask me how, I couldn’t tell ya.)
  • 7 hours of sleep
  • 1 bathroom floor

Honestly, the entire night was simply hilarious to me and even my parents had a good laugh about it – which was shocking. I’m just so thankful that I was white girl wasted in the comfort and safety of my own home. Usually I’m not one to discuss my drunken escapades in such vivid detail on here…But when you wake up on your bathroom floor, something needs to be said! Welcome to the world of a freshly turned twenty-one year old. (My mom said today, “Sarah, I think you’re like a little kid with a new toy with your drinking legality.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.)

I hope that all of you are having a great day so far! What’s everyone up to for the remainder of the weekend? Any fun plans? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

All Black Everything Obsessions

Standard
All Black Everything Obsessions

Heyyy everyone and happy Hump Day! I hope all of you are having a fabulous day so far! I decided to take a study break to talk to you guys about my new All Black Everything clothing and shoe obsessions, so take a look at these beauties and then we’ll discuss!

IMG_3757[1]IMG_3761[1]IMG_3762[1]

^^^ So gorg! And as usual, here’s the breakdown of each of these items and where they were purchased:

  • Black sheer shirt dress: Forever 21
  • Black denim and cloth jacket: American Eagle Outfitters
  • Black knee high gladiator sandals: Carlos Santana, Macy’s

I am so helplessly in love with all of these new pieces that I really don’t even know where to begin, but I guess I’ll start by talking about my new shirt dress from Forever 21. During me and Kristen’s last trip to Belden Village mall, I wanted to spend some time in Forever 21 because I freaking love it and they don’t have one at Summit Mall which is usually the mall I go to. Unfortunately, Kristen doesn’t share my love for the store, so whenever we go there I have to be quick so we can get in and get out. If you’re familiar with the layout of Forever 21, then you’ll know just how difficult it is to be quick in that store! But as I sped through the racks of clothing my eyes locked in on this cool and edgy new piece and I just knew that it had to be mine. I’ve seriously never seen anything like it before and it looks So. Freaking. AWESOME! The first half of the top is completely solid, so you don’t have to worry about your bra being visible, which is nice. But then about an inch after the bust line, the fabric becomes this gorgeous flowing sheer gauze coming down in two panels, one in the front and one in the back. It’s so fabulous because it shows off my side tattoo since there’s no material coming down on either side. I feel like a super model in this get up and it’s nothing short of amazing. I really like wearing this piece over a pair of black super skinnies with my beloved Vera Wang wedges. I’m also looking forward to pairing this shirt/dress hybrid with body con skirts and shorts underneath as well. So fierce. After I found this little beauty at Forever 21, Kristen and I went to American Eagle for some more shopping fun. The jacket that I purchased from there has a bit of a back story: In the beginning of March this jacket was brand new at the store and I instantly fell in love with it. It was SO cute and it fit like a glove. Unfortunately, I was not in love with the seventy-five dollar price, so I had to pass. BUT I vowed to myself that as soon as my dream jacket went on sale, that it would be mine. And that day happened a few weeks ago! While in American Eagle, I scurried back to the sale section and was SO happy to see my beloved jacket hanging up there. There were only two left – one small (which is my size) and an extra large. I immediately grabbed the size small, because I knew that it was meant to be since there was only my size left amongst the extra large. Wanna know the best part? The amazing price I got for it! The jacket was marked down to $59.99 and then they took half off of that so I ended up paying thirty dollars for an originally seventy-five dollar jacket! Such a steal! My final All Black Everything obsession is the GORGEOUS knee high lace up gladiator sandals that Kristen got me for my birthday. You guys need to know that I’ve wanted a pair of sandals like this for over a year now, but due to circumstances like the pairs I want being sold out online or the outrageous prices of some of them, I could just never get my hands on one. It really killed me! During a shopping trip with Kristen, I pointed out a pair of mid calf gladiator sandals at Journey’s that were cute and my sister instantly shot down my comment with “ew those are ugly….but do you like them in black or brown?” So I knew right then and there that she had to have gotten me a pair for my birthday! Needless to say, I freaked out when Kristen presented me with the huge red box that they came in because I knew that underneath that lovely bright red lid was a pair of gladiator sandals with my name on them…and I was so glad I was right! The pair that Kristen picked out for me are seriously sublime. For one, they’re SO beautiful. For two, they’re black, lace up, knee high, AND wedged – who could ask for anything more? And for three, I love Carlos Santana brand shoes, so she really outdid herself. I am so in love and I really just CAN’T EVEN!!!

So there you have it, my latest and greatest All Black Everything Obsessions! Who’s your Woman Crush Wednesday? What was your most recent purchase that you’re in love with? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah