Tag Archives: sad

Mar1

American Murder: Gabby Petito Documentary

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American Murder: Gabby Petito Documentary

Hello! Sundays are always a lazy day with my Johnny. Typically, we’ll watch a few shows or a movie together and he will spend the remainder of the day snoozing away. After he heads back to bed, I get free reign of the TV and watch whatever my little heart desires. This past Sunday, I chose to watch the new Netflix documentary, American Murder: Gabby Petito. I’m sure all of you can recall when this tragedy went completely viral and the documentary truly broke my heart. Before we begin, I am going to place a trigger warning on this post for domestic violence and mental abuse. Now, let’s discuss:

A significant portion of this documentary featured Gabby’s interactions with boyfriend/murderer, Brian Laundrie, as she attempted to start a travel blog on van life. It was harrowing to watch. Brian was a rain cloud over such a bright young woman and while she tried to shine, he was sulking. Everything he did was an attempt to extinguish her fire and he simply refused to give a strong woman his support in her efforts to make a name for herself. It felt eerily similar to a past relationship of mine.

I felt compelled to write about this because NO ONE should have the power over you to direct where your life is going to take you. This is important for everyone to hear – especially those who are trying to carve a name out for themselves online. My ex loved to monitor all of my innocent online interactions and would hold them against me. It got to the point where I didn’t talk to any of my friends or go on outings without his permission, amongst a plethora of other BS. It was so mentally draining that I didn’t care about much of anything, even my writing. That hurt so much because blogging and social media was always something I could turn to and it would make me feel better. When that security blanket was taken away I was left with nothing. No friends, no self esteem, and literally no motivation to try to make anything better to prevent arguments. It sucked.

Watching Gabby and Brian together instantly took me back to those dark times because their relationship hit so close to home. I blessedly got out of that relationship and, sadly, there are people who aren’t so lucky like Gabby. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is: If you are noticing these glaring warning signs in your own partner, then you are not experiencing real love. Love gives and receives and it doesn’t take until there’s nothing left. Love is supportive, kind, and should never make you feel less than amazing. Everyone deserves to be loved and to shine in any medium they so choose. It could be online, as an all star at your job, or basking in the warmth of friends, family, and community. Anyone who tells you or makes you feel otherwise is a liar.

If you or a friend are struggling, there is help. Even if you feel like your voice has been silenced, use it. You aren’t crazy, you aren’t wrong in your feelings, and if your gut instinct feels off – you are one million percent right.

What are you currently watching? What are your thoughts on this documentary if you have seen it? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Oct7

Lil Red & The Weird Weekend

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Lil Red & The Weird Weekend

Hello everyone! Before we begin this post about some weekend weirdness, I will be placing a trigger warning on it for mental health, being in the ER, and blood. Now, let’s get to it:

It has been a hard past year and change in Lil Red’s world and this past week has been the absolute pits. Like, it was really bad and I was and still am pretty down in the dumps. I had a horribly stressful day last Thursday and spent the following days being super depressed. Friday came and went and Saturday felt like a bit of an upswing because Johnny and I spent the whole day together. We played lots of Diablo IV, ordered Domino’s for dinner, and settled down on the floor with the bunnies to play some Magic The Gathering.

As we schemed for our next turn, nature called and I went to the bathroom. When I sat on the can, I was startled to see that my sleep pants were soaked in blood. This was strange because Aunt Flo wasn’t scheduled to come for another four or so days. I wasn’t experiencing any pain or cramping and while it was weird, Johnny and I decided that we would visit the ER if I was still bleeding on Sunday. I was and it was off to Akron General that morning.

Thankfully, we were able to get right into a room once we arrived at the ER and that would have definitely not been the case if we went on Saturday night. The doctor came in and asked me questions like “Are you pregnant?” HARD NO. “Did you experience any physical trauma?” Nope. “Did something stressful or upsetting happen?” HARD YES. With that information, the doc decided to do blood work and a pelvic exam to see what was up with my down low area.

The pelvic exam was a pain in my pelvis, but we were relieved to hear that nothing was visibly wrong. So, we waited for the test results from the labs and swabs that were taken. As Johnny and I waited with bated breath, there was nothing to do but watch some TV. I selected the Lifetime channel and while Johnny initially grumbled, I am pleased to say that he was riveted by the time the movie ended. Lol, he is such a doll. ❤

Shortly after our Lifetime flick wrapped up, the doctor returned to tell us that my blood work and swabs were normal. She informed us that my hormones got out of whack from the stressful event and it triggered abnormal bleeding. Afterwards, I was able to change and Johnny and I could head home. As we drove back, we made a pit stop at Taco Bell and reminisced on how weird and unfortunate the situation was. My mind was hurting so much that it translated into a bodily reaction. I suppose we could have figured that out without a trip to the ER, but something like that had never happened to me before and it was scary.

I am happy to say that I am feeling better now. Not great, but slightly below average and that’s a big improvement. This is your Lil Red Friendly Reminder to take care of yourselves because, apparently, stress and depression can manifest itself in lots of crazy ways!

Have you ever been to the ER before? What happened? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul13

Yikes! A Summary Of A Terrible 9 Days

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Yikes! A Summary Of A Terrible 9 Days

Hello! This past week and change has been an absolute doozy and I sure hope that it has been much better for all of you. Two car accidents (Both not my fault), an injured toe, and spilled leftovers from dinner all over the porch of my apartment made for a very upset Lil Red. After this ordeal, fingers crossed that it’s sunshine and rainbows from here on out because your girl needs it!

It all started two Tuesdays ago when my beloved car got a major ouchie from a HUGE window cleaning van. While driving to work, my car got hit by someone not paying attention in the slightest when he was trying to change lanes. The Little Red Love Machine got hit smack dab in the middle and has been out of commission since then. I miss my car terribly and I cannot wait for the repairs to get done so she can be back in my loving arms once more.

Thankfully, no one was hurt from this mishap – except for my feelings, that is! 1) The driver who hit me was SO mean to me and that was charming, to say the least. And 2) When Johnny and I first started dating, we were in a major car accident when we got hit head on and it left me hospitalized. For the next several days after my car got hit, I was sore but mainly shaken up. Getting hit by such a big van had me feeling the trauma of the accident Johnny and I were in all over again and that was the most difficult thing.

Now, you would think that I wouldn’t be due for another accident nine days later so we can all be surprised by that lol. Last Thursday, my literal worst nightmare came to fruition when I was driving with a client and my car got hit. Once again, the driver was not paying attention and backed into my car at a red light while trying to change lanes. He claimed to have “not even seen me”, which is exactly what the last guy said too!

Thankfully, no one was hurt from this mishap, either. But, my client struggled and that upset me the most because it is my job to keep him safe. It was, honestly, the worst possible timing imaginable especially considering that we were barely ten minutes away from home. I was so proud of how quickly my client was able to recover from this situation but it just felt like one bad thing going on after another and I was really feeling the emotional pain from it.

The straws that broke the camel’s back, so to say, happened the following day on Friday. Yes, they were small things but it almost made me break down in tears. To start, I dropped our Nintendo Switch on my big toe and it hurt like a MOTHER. Then, when dropping off my brother and some leftovers from Hibachi Japan at my mom and dad’s, one of the containers slipped and fell all over my porch and stairwell.

I took my brother home and returned within fifteen minutes to clean up the spill and, to my surprise, Johnny had done it for me. This almost had me crying too because it was SO sweet of him. He saw what a tough time I was having and took it upon himself to take care of it. I knew I married him for a reason! ❤

Thanks to Johnny’s angel status on Friday, I was able to rally a little and enjoyed a hang out session with our friend, Ty. We got to break in mine and Johnny’s new TV with video games and a scary movie, which was a hoot. The following day, my amazing best friend Kate of Live In The Nautical and I had an all evening FaceTime date and that cheered me up even more. She is, truly, so wonderful and it was just the sunshine I needed to start feeling better again.

It can only go up from here, right?! As always, I am beyond grateful that nobody got hurt during the car accidents. I am also beyond grateful for my darling husband and friends for helping me get through these trying times. Now, I think I need a vacation!

What or who makes you feel better when you’re sad? What kind of self care do you do to help yourself feel better? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Oct31

Welcome To The Rainbow Bridge

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Welcome To The Rainbow Bridge

Hello…. We interrupt our scheduled broadcasting of Halloween accessories to deliver some very sad news. This past Tuesday, one of my sweet family pups, Ollie, joined our other beloved fallen four leggeds on the Rainbow Bridge. Ollie was the gentlest most darling little boy and fought valiantly through heart failure. Needless to say, mine and my family’s hearts are absolutely broken and we miss lil Ollie terribly.

We are all so thankful for the time that he had with us and to Canine Lifeline for helping us welcome him into our home. I don’t think anyone could see a picture of our tiny Terrier without welcoming him into your hearts too:

On February 13th of 2014, we brought Ollie home and adopted him officially on Valentine’s Day. I fell in love with him as soon as I saw him and will never forget how he pranced out the door of the pet store and into the car when we took him home. I don’t think he left my arms for hours! As we’ve always had medium sized dogs, a little one that you could scoop up was a novelty to all of us.

Ollie had so many funny quirks like his absolute refusal to walk down stairs so we would have to carry him down when he would wander onto the second floor. We would also always joke that he was part cat because he had so many cat like mannerisms! He would bat all of his toys and his wittle face whenever he had an itch. He was also incredibly particular about his treats but I’m sure he is chowing down on his preferred soft peanut butter bites up in doggy heaven.

It is never easy to part with our furry friends but I take so much comfort in the fact that he is in a happy place and back to his normal, perky self. We love you so much, little Ollie, and it is never goodbye but see you later. ❤

Do you have any pets? Do they have any quirky habits? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Dec2

Lil Red’s Thanksgiving

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Lil Red’s Thanksgiving

Hello! For those of you who don’t know, Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. I love sitting around the table with my family and enjoying the most delicious food that I have been waiting all year to eat, lol! Unfortunately, due to the nature of my job of working in several different homes throughout the course of this pandemic, Johnny and I deemed it unsafe for us to participate in the holiday with both of our families.

Making that decision was not easy and I honestly cried for at least three days about it. However, safety is and will always be my primary goal and anything I can do to protect my family, my clients, and myself is worth all of the hardships. As I’ve mentioned before, COVID-19 has been on a terrifying rise in Ohio and it has made doing anything other than work and grocery shopping damn near impossible for those who are taking the virus seriously.

On Thanksgiving, Johnny and I were able to visit with my family outside and my parents were nice enough to drop off our Thanksgiving meal to our apartment. It was not traditional in any sense of the word but we all felt good with that decision no matter how hard it was.

As someone who has worked in the health care field throughout this entire pandemic, it is safe to say that I am totally burned out. However, a bright ray of sunshine is on the horizon for me come Christmas. I have not taken any time off to recharge for the past nine months and I plan on taking two weeks off prior to Christmas so I can celebrate safely with my family.

It will feel so good to have that time to relax, breathe a little bit easier, and be able to watch my family open all of the gifts that I picked out special for them. Thanksgiving was a bust but I am going to make this Christmas the best one yet and I can’t wait!

How did you celebrate Thanksgiving this year? What is your favorite holiday? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

PS: Thank those of us in the health care profession not just with your words but by wearing a mask and social distancing to help curb the spread of COVID-19. We are tired. We are exhausted. And we need your help!

Jul19

Things I’m Missing

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Things I’m Missing

Hello! Johnny and I have been living in a lock down style state since March 19th when the restaurants and bars in Ohio closed down. Since then, the only things I have left my apartment for other than work has been the grocery store, gas station, and my monthly nail appointment. And, on occasion, we might have a friend over for a drink through serious social distancing in my living room.

Despite being constantly surrounded at home by “entertainment” like the TV, streaming services, video games, books, and board games there are definitely some activities in the community that all of the America’s Next Top Model marathons in the world couldn’t replace. I eagerly await going to all of the following once it is safe to do so:

TJMaxx:

Lol, of course TJ’s was going to be the first on my list! You guys have no idea the amount of TJMaxx related memes that I have been sent by people who have genuinely been thinking of me during this pandemic for that reason alone! I miss going on my monthly shopping trips to TJMaxx with my mom more than anything but we have all been picking and choosing what we do very carefully. For example, my monthly “treat” outing is visiting the nail salon where I feel most comfortable. I know I wouldn’t feel safe in a store full of people so online shopping has been the move for months now.

But, trust and believe that as soon as I feel one hundred and fifty million percent okay, TJ’s will be the first place I visit. I have plenty of birthday gift cards burning a hole in my pocket and I intend on using them on a gigantic haul. It’s always nice to have something to look forward to, haha. 🙂

Restaurants/Bars:

It’s not like Johnny and I went out a ton pre-coronavirus but we would usually go to the bar or out to eat maybe once a week or so. These outings were the best last summer when we could have drinks on all of the outdoor patios in Kent. It was just such a nice way to spend an hour or two after work and I miss being able to unwind with our friends.

Most of all, however, I miss going to the bars where the band my boyfriend is in, The Outside Voices, would play. Going to their shows over the weekend was always something we really looked forward to and I know it has been so hard on him to not be doing anything musical. In fact, I think he misses performing just as much as I miss shopping at TJMaxx and that’s really saying something.

Guilt Free Hang Outs:

I have been able to Skype with and social distance hang out with a few of my friends on occasion. Of course, it’s always nice to see them whether that be on the laptop screen or at the opposite end of the room. But what I really miss is being able to hug them and interact more closely. For example, when Lea usually comes over we like to curl up on the couch and drink wine. Not so much anymore, lol.

I miss all of the little things that I never thought much of before. Big hugs goodbye, sitting on the same couch, or venturing out for random adventures – just for starters. A lot of thought goes into doing just about anything now and I miss the spontaneity that comes with guilt free hang outs with all of my besties.

What are the activities that you’re missing the most right now? Do you have a safe “treat” outing that you participate in? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Apr24

No New Nails

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No New Nails

Hello! If you recall, I recently bought a DIY acrylic kit to attempt to fill my talons from home. I’d love to tell you that it worked and my nails look fabulous. But, sadly, it ended up being a crap lousy attempt during a crap lousy day. Mannnn, I don’t know what it was. I guess it was a combination of a bunch of stuff, so let’s discuss:

Despite all of the ideas that I have been posting to keep all of you entertained in self-isolation, no one is saying that it still doesn’t suck. Lol, I guess the day I tried to do my nails, I was really feeling down – blame it on my impending period or all of the coronavirus panic but, damn. Once the acrylic on my nails just refused to dry, the waterworks started flowing.

Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t just the nails but a build up of a difficult few weeks. Work has been long and boring, tax season and car repairs bled my bank account, and the weather has been crap so leaving the house just for a walk with my boyfriend has been impossible. Call it cabin fever or the pre-period crazies but your girl just cracked.

I cried, and I cried, and I cried some more. Thankfully, my boyfriend was nothing short of supportive and always talks me through my moments when my struggle with depression just gets the best of me. Eventually, once I calmed down, I removed my fake nails and after another cry sesh, Johnny put America’s Next Top Model on for me like the angel he is.

Like I said, no one is saying that this isn’t a hard time and it manifests itself in different ways. Have you felt over emotional lately? Has your normal sleep pattern been disrupted? Are you exhausted all the time? Cause same. And my best advice? Seek the comfort of those you love.

It’s easy when you’re feeling upset to not want to be around someone but, seriously, talk to someone. In my case, I ended up having to cry into the arms of my boyfriend after avoiding talking about how I was feeling once the metaphorical straw broke the camel’s back. Don’t let yourself get to this point because, chances are, everyone is feeling the same way and maybe they need to talk, too.

Contact your friends, do something that makes you smile, or watch a funny movie and get yourself back on track. We can all do this!

How have you been dealing emotionally with the coronavirus? What do you do to make yourself feel better? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul26

A Brief Update: Blahhhhhhhhhh

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A Brief Update: Blahhhhhhhhhh

Hi! I swear, these past few weeks have felt like a nonstop grind for Lil Red. I don’t know if it’s so much that I’m working more as much as I’m exhausted both emotionally and physically. First it was a break up that I’m not happy about, then the passing of one of our sweet family dogs, on top of my normal work week, concluded with ninety degree weather here in Ohio. So, needless to say, I am worn out.

Although a break can’t happen this month because my schedule for my clients is already in effect, I definitely plan on taking a few days off come August. I just feel like I haven’t even had a moment to myself to process everything that’s going on in my life without the stress of work, writing, housework, and the fact that I feel like I am light years beyond in the relationship game. But, that’s neither here nor there.

Despite things all around sucking in my life, I am happy to be able to go skating every week now. It’s a nice change of pace from every other week and it gives me something to look forward to to help take my mind off of things. It feels good to clear my head when I’m on the ice. Now, if only it would stay like that post skating sesh! -__-

skatee

How do you help yourself shake off the blues? What cheers you up when you’re feeling down? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul19

Greetings From The Rainbow Bridge

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Greetings From The Rainbow Bridge

Hi! There is a special place in heaven called the Rainbow Bridge where all of our beloved pets go when they pass. It is a beautiful place where the weather is warm, treats are plentiful, and the playing and romping amongst our sweet companions never ends. I know that all of my family’s fallen angel dogs are enjoying their time making new friends and spending joyous days in the sun while they eagerly await the time when we are reunited again.

And, I know for a fact that my family’s beloved Golden Retriever, Gem, who passed away on July 11th is having a ball. Here’s how I know:

While driving to one of my client’s houses the day after Gem crossed the Rainbow Bridge, I was behind a license plate with her name right on it: GEM and then some numbers. Shortly after, I was behind another car with a bumper sticker that read: “Paws and enjoy life”. Which is quite the coincidence considering all of our pets are buried at a cemetery called Paws Awhile.

I just know that this was my sweet girl saying hello to me and that she was safe, happy, and no longer suffering. My mom and dad also got a similar greeting from her when they drove past a bumper sticker the day of Gem’s passing with the slogan “Golden Retrievers make me happy”. And, later on in the day at the grocery store, my dad was rung out by a young man named Rusty which just so happens to be the name of the Golden we had before Gem. So, it’s safe to say that she has already met her brother.

My family and I are heartbroken by the loss of our Gem but we are so happy to know that she’s okay and I have a feeling she’ll be popping by frequently to check in on us. It’s not the same as petting her soft fur and getting a great big doggie kiss from her but, it will do until we meet again. ❤

Do you have any stories similar to mine about a beloved pet or person that has passed? What kind of pets do you have at home? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul18

One More Angel In Heaven

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One More Angel In Heaven

Hello, everyone. It is with a heavy heart that I announce the passing of one of my family’s sweet doggie angels, Gem. After a brave fight with cancer, Gem had a peaceful passing on July 11th. We are absolutely heartbroken and miss our darling girl so much. However, we are so thankful that she graced us with seven weeks of extra time with her after she recovered from being at her worst. That was truly a gift and I think she knew that we all needed it.

Gem was one of the sweetest, most empathetic dogs I have ever met. She was always by my mom’s side when she was having her own fight with cancer and she seemed to know when I needed her badly, too. I will never forget a time a year or two ago when I was working at the computer while crying hysterically and Gem kept nudging my arm until I pet her and was looking at her, instead of focusing on what was upsetting me.

It has been so difficult going to work at home and not being greeted by Gem at the door but we know that she is up in Doggie Heaven playing with her brothers and sisters who passed before her. And, I’m sure she is up there making friends with all of your parted angels, too. ❤

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