Tag Archives: humor

One Of Those Days

Standard
One Of Those Days

Helloooo everyone and happy Thursday! I, for one, am so glad for a fresh start today, because my Wednesday was stressful as all get out!! Enjoy this terrific song by The Raconteurs to sum up my feelings about yesterday and then let’s discuss:

SO, on Tuesday night, I discovered that the battery to the Little Red Love Machine was completely shot. Thankfully, my dad was able to call AAA to give my baby a jump and got her to the nearest repair shop in time to fix her up. However, this meant that I had literally no gas in my tank to make my drive to Cleveland for school possible. My dear old dad notified me that a gas station that was close to the highway had a decent price, so I decided to go there to fill up. My breath was held the entire time because I was literally running on fumes. I had the LRLM ready to turn left into the station and breathed a big ol’ sigh of relief that I had made it. But, unfortunately, I should have held my breath just a little bit longer.

Halfway through turning into the station, I saw that there was a sign prohibiting left hand turns. “Well shit,” I thought, “good thing there’s no cops around!” But lo and behold, a minute later, a cop pulled in behind the LRLM to tell me what I already knew…That I suck at driving and made an illegal left hand turn. LUCKILY, this cop was AWESOME! The first thing out of my mouth when he approached me was that I knew what I did wrong as soon as I made the turn. I then explained to him my situation of almost being completely out of gas and how I needed to be in Cleveland for school very shortly. I also made sure to call him “sir” a lot! The kind officer checked my license and record and told me that because it was almost flawless (only one speeding ticket, baby!), that he would let me off with a warning and that he hopes I make it to class on time. I was so incredibly thankful to him for being so understanding…But I didn’t make it to school on time. -___-

My French class at Tri-C began at one today and I made it to campus at about 12:45. I hurried into the building that I assumed the class was in and figured that I had enough time to refund a book at the campus bookstore before class started. WRONG! With the influx of students making their purchases and returns, things took longer than anticipated – but I was just too damn far in the process to leave and come back!! By the time I got my refund, I realized that I was in the complete wrong building, a whopping two minutes before class started. Lord have mercy on me…

I power walked my sweet tookus to the right building in the heat, in my all black ensemble, and with a handful of supplies and a full cup of coffee to juggle. I had never been in the building that my French class was in before and I felt like I was in an episode of the Twilight Zone. EVERY HALLWAY LOOKED THE SAME! At this point, I was shweatzing my ass off, my coffee had spilled at least three different times, and my frustration levels were through the roof – the roof, I tell you! I finally made it to class fifteen minutes late looking a hot and sweaty mess. BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!!!

billyy

As I mentioned in previous posts this week, I have completely lost my voice and it refuses to come back. Because of this unfortunate medical malfunction I sounded like a boy who is trapped in the evil clutches of the puberty monster. I was hoarse, squeaky, sweaty, miserable, coughy, shameful, and annoyed – those are the names of the seven dwarfs, right? Anyways, the entire class I felt like a total goon and my throat hurt like the dickens. Can my voice come back now, or? #PLEASE

So obviously, my Wednesday can only be described as One Of Those Days! Lol, it’s whatever! Has anyone had a rough day similar to mine? How is everyone’s week going so far? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Excited For Fall? Me Too!

Standard
Excited For Fall? Me Too!

Heyyy everyone and happy Saturday! Good news, my bitch ass is feeling better! Bad news, Sunday is Lil Red’s blogging day off, as you all know, so allow me to leave you with a fun post for the weekend until the Monday Update and Man Crush Monday posts commence!

With fall on the horizon, every white girl comes out of her spray tanned summer hibernation in search of all things pumpkin flavored. I promise you guys I’m not that girl…You know I would never tan! BUT, I am very excited for the upcoming autumn season, so let me tell you why!

  • PEACOATS!!! Honestly, this is my number one reason why I love fall. I loves me a good peacoat and I can’t wait to put my navy blue, red and blue plaid, and emerald green coat babies to work this season! #peacoatparty
  • Semi-cold weather AKA my favorite type of weather! Summer weather is too hot for a Lil Red, winter is too cold, and spring is too rainy but fall weather…fall weather is just right!
  • Fall clothing in general! This ties into both of the previously mentioned statements but it must be said. Fall. Clothing. Is. The. Best. Point blank, period. I love nothing more than sweet sweaters, cozy cardigans, booties, flannels, chunky scarves, fingerless gloves, the whole shebang. If it’s an article of clothing you can wear in the fall, you bet your sweet ass that I’m excited for it! #betyourbottomdollar #andyoursweetass
  • The colors!!!! Ugh, the autumn color palette makes my heart so warm. Burnt oranges, mustard yellows, deep reds – fabulous on the changing leaves of trees and on those cozy cardigans I just mentioned! Burnt orange has been my latest obsession, so I’m really excited to feed that addiction even more with a fall shopping trip soon!
  • One – ONLY one Pumpkin Spice Latte. Yeah, yeah, such a white girl, I know. But it’s not fall for a suburban girl without one PSL from Starbucks! I’ll be indulging in my pumpkin treat this morning for a coffee date with my dear friend, Tyler. Yum!
  • Halloween – it’s a given. Except I can’t decide on if being Agnes from Despicable Me is a good idea because she’s not particularly slutty…Does anyone have a naughty nurse costume I can borrow? #please??
  • HAUNTED HOUSES! I love them! I love them! I. Love. Them. Fun fact for ya: my first job was working as an actor at a haunted house and I had the time of my life! I also picked up smoking cigarettes there…But that’s beside the point.
  • Fall weather hang outs AKA the best kind of hang outs! I absolutely adore fall time activities! Hiking through the metro parks, scary movie marathons, crafting, drinking apple cider, drinking hard apple cider – it’s all so much fun! Everything increases in enjoy-ability when the air is crisp, your cheeks are flushed, and you’re with some of your favorite people.
  • White girl watching…it’s like people watching, but better! Fall time is the white girl’s peak season to emerge and prosper. The temperatures have dropped which means so have people’s standards! Thus, yoga pants, leggings, and Ugg boots are somehow acceptable to wear in society. May god help us all…But anyways, I always get a kick out of seeing all of the white girls in their flock of spandex pants and boots that were made out of the skin of sheep who were tortured. Bonus points if there’s a Pumpkin Spice Latte in their hands!! #UGHboots

whitegirls

^^^ Current blogging soundtrack, judge me for it. #whitegirl 😉

So there you have it! A few Lil Red Reasons of why I’m Excited For Fall! What is everyone most looking forward to this autumn? Who has some fall time traditions that will be taking place? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Drunk Girl Diaries

Standard
Drunk Girl Diaries

Heyyy everyone and happy Saturday! So last night I was the epitome of white girl wasted which resulted in some classic drunk girl behavior that was too funny not to share! My friend came over last night for what I thought was going to be some casual drinks on the deck but unfortunately, Lil Red went wayyy too hard. We were sipping on some super delicious mixed drinks that didn’t taste alcoholic in the slightest so I was throwing them back like no other. By the time our festivities were over (AKA when our bottle was done), I was throwing up in the bushes in my backyard. Strike one.

I headed back into my house, which I honestly don’t even remember doing and decided to shove some carbs in my face with the hopes that I would feel better. I grabbed a piece of white bread, a bag full of BBQ chips that were miraculously left on the kitchen table, and a cold enchilada leftover from dinner that I didn’t bother heating up. Within two bites of my fresh from the refrigerator enchilada I had to hurl AGAIN. So I made my way to the bathroom and spent at least ten minutes getting acquainted with the toilet. Strike two. I returned to my food only to run into my hard wooden chair which completely fell over and I went down with it. TIMBERRRRRR. I vividly remember my sloppy self saying “Jesus Christ, Sarah” and then I ate my bread and chips like a champ. I was able to keep the food down, so I guess I figured that it would be a good idea to eat eight coconut fudge cookies in a row and go to bed. Big, BIG mistake.

I’m not sure why I thought that it was necessary to eat so many cookies but I just couldn’t help it – they tasted SO good!! So I take my trashy ass self upstairs with a belly full of cookies, bread, and booze. By the time I got myself undressed (which I’m sure went over like a bullet in the skull), I was feeling very woozy but I thought that it would be in my best interest to just get into bed. Big mistake. Within thirty seconds of laying down, the urge to purge was there in full force so I booked it to the bathroom as fast as my wobbly little legs could take me. I spent lots of quality time with the toilet – apparently vodka and coconut cookies don’t mix well together. Strikes three, four, and five.

After I was done vomiting up a storm, I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor. I slept like someone who hasn’t seen their bed in a week…and in this case my bed was the hard, tiled floor of the throne room. Lucky for me, I dressed myself like I was getting ready for a trek in the snow when I got into my pajamas so at least I was warm. Drunky Sarah thought that a thick sleep shirt, sweatpants, and a hoodie were an absolute must and I guess it was, considering all of the material provided me with some cushioning! I woke up in the bathroom this morning from my sister walking in to get ready for work. She said, “Sarah, what are you doing in here?” To which I mumbled back, “I don’t know, I guess I fell asleep” and stumbled off to my bed to sleep some more.

Here’s the breakdown of my wastey pants night by numbers:

  • At least 9 shots of vodka
  • 1 glass of wine
  • 8 coconut fudge cookies
  • 5 instances of puking my brains out
  • 1 floral print pair of sweatpants matched with 1 striped hoodie (A perfect combo, obvs.)
  • 2 broken nails (Don’t ask me how, I couldn’t tell ya.)
  • 7 hours of sleep
  • 1 bathroom floor

Honestly, the entire night was simply hilarious to me and even my parents had a good laugh about it – which was shocking. I’m just so thankful that I was white girl wasted in the comfort and safety of my own home. Usually I’m not one to discuss my drunken escapades in such vivid detail on here…But when you wake up on your bathroom floor, something needs to be said! Welcome to the world of a freshly turned twenty-one year old. (My mom said today, “Sarah, I think you’re like a little kid with a new toy with your drinking legality.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.)

I hope that all of you are having a great day so far! What’s everyone up to for the remainder of the weekend? Any fun plans? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Single 4 Lyfe

Standard
Single 4 Lyfe

Heyyy everyone and happy Thursday! So I had a kind of funny experience at a doctors appointment last week that really got me thinking. When the doctor asked my marital status “single for life” came out instead of just “single”. It was such a silly blunder that I got a major laugh out of it but it also got me wondering why fabulous Lil Red is forever alone. This somewhat depressing questioning of myself brought me into a little slump – but then I remembered a few things about myself which ended up reminding me that the best person for me is ME!

1) If anyone is a “One Woman Wolf Pack” then it’s definitely me. You guys might not believe it but I actually dislike a vast majority of people. Surprise! (That’s why I like hanging out with myself, which I fondly refer to as my “one person party”. Welcome to a day in the life, boi.)

2) I’ve never really had a legitimate “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” – just people who I hang around with for a bit until they fuck me over in some way shape or form…Or I get bored. I can’t think of one positive experience that I’ve had with anyone who I’ve casually dated. That’s sad. I also don’t really like being around people whose intentions I can’t read. (As well as people in general). See point one and three. Honestly, I don’t even know how to girlfriend. Like, what do you do? Do you shave the hair on your toes? Do you wear extra deodorant? To fuck if I know.

3) I love myself…Like a lot. Therefore, I don’t like putting myself into situations where I’m bound to get hurt (IE: Every relationship ever). I’m very protective of me! Good looking out, Sarah. Thanks, Sarah.

4) When I want a guy or a girl to acknowledge me I just call myself pretty and take a bubble bath. Works like a charm.

5) I’m not willing to share my Taco Bell with anyone. (I don’t share SHIT.)

titanic

This post was actually supposed to be serious originally but once I started writing I realized that I didn’t want to be one of those annoying twenty-somethings complaining about being single. Thus, a humorous look at Sarah’s Singlehood was born in “Single 4 Lyfe”. So what did this remembrance of some basic truths about Lil Red teach me? That I should probably just start dating myself. Welp…Here it goes…

  • Myself: “Sarah, will you go out with me?”
  • Myself: “Sure.”

SCORE!!!!!!!!!!

I hope that all of you are having an awesome day so far! I also hope that you got a good laugh out of this post! Shout out to all of my forever aloners out there – I’m right there with you! What was the shortest lived relationship that you ever had? What was one if your worst dating experiences? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah