Lil Red had an awful, terrible, no good, very bad day today. 😦

It all started with a trip to the gyno…(I always wanted to start a blog post with that. Ha!) Yes, it all started with a trip to my new gyno, whose office is in Twinsburg. Let me tell you a little bit about my sense of direction…I have none. I literally can’t get anywhere without my GPS, it’s sad but true. Unfortunately, my dad hijacked the GPS leaving me to figure out my way to Twinsburg (where I’ve never been before) with some crap lousy printed off directions. The drive to the office was as stressful as I thought it would be. What would I possibly do without my beloved GPS telling me when to turn left and right, when I’ve gone too far, and when I need to make a U-Turn IMMEDIATELY?! The answer to that question is: drive down the highway with my eyes glued to the printed out directions and pray to the vehicle gods to guide me to where I need to be. My anxiety level was through the roof and my angst level was higher than an episode of 16 & Pregnant. I had my angry horror core rap music playing and I had profanity coming out of my mouth as quick as Cage was spitting his lyrics. While driving to the doctors I had this sinking feeling that I was going the wrong way, but I kept on going, whispering sweet nothings to the Little Red Love Machine in between the F-bombs I was dropping like it was D-Day. Finally, convinced I was going the wrong way, I pulled over and called the office for directions. To my surprise, I was less than a minute away from the office…all I had to do was keep going straight! How can you mess that up?! So I get to the gyno and have a lovely check up. But the real fun begins when I tried to take my sorry ass back home. I asked the receptionist if she knew the easiest way to get back to Akron, and she told me the roads and the turns I had to take to get back onto the highway. The way suggested to me was completely different than the stupid directions I had printed out, so I happily accepted these directions and went on my merry way. The receptionist told me that once I got to the road I needed to be on the signs for the highway would start appearing like billboards…however these signs NEVER showed up. So here I am, driving grandma style down the street trying to make a game plan in my head of just what to do next. I kept on driving for about five minutes more and came to the sad realization that I was getting nowhere, so I turned the Little Red Love Machine around and headed back the way I came. I pulled into the parking lot of a shopping center and called my sister because I knew that she was familiar with the area I was in which was now Macedonia. She told me that I just needed to keep on driving and then I could turn onto the highway once I passed a few stop lights. I was ELATED, so I immediately put the pedal to the metal and got back on the road. I got to where I could turn onto the highway only to see that the ramp was closed for construction. My heart sunk into my butt. So I kept on driving, this is when the road rage really began to hit along with the added frustration of “what in the bloody hell do I do now?” I pulled over into an Advanced Auto Parts because I figured the mechanics would know how to guide me home….I was wrong, because all they suggested was the closed down ramp. When I told them it was closed down they had no other ideas. I got back into my car, clutched my steering wheel as hard as I could and screamed “FUUUUUCK” loud enough that I think the vehicle gods could hear me. I cried hot, angry tears. I was stumped. Worst of all I was lost. All the while, I was trying to call my mom but her phone was off because she was at an appointment. After fifteen minutes of sitting, crying, and gingerly touching up my eye makeup in the Advanced Auto Parts parking lot I called my mom again. Thankfully, she picked up. She told me a different way to get on the highway and once again I was off. Tenth tries a charm right? So I get to where my mom tells me I should be, which is a bunch of different roads leading to different highways. And naturally, leave it to me to get on the WRONG HIGHWAY. FUUUUUUUCK. As soon as I realized what I had done, I put my hazard lights on and pulled the Little Red Love Machine over in defeat. I called my mother with my tail in between my legs once more and told her the tragic mistake I had made. At this point in our story, I’m hysterical. All I want is to go home and drown my sorrows in guacamole. My mom decides it would be best for everyone in the situation (and by everyone I mean all of my siblings whose phone I was blowing up for two hours straight) if she came to me to guide me home. I waited a half hour on the side of the highway until my mother came to the rescue. It turns out that the vehicle god today was my beloved mom. She guided me home like a shining beacon of light, leading me to my warm bed and homemade guacamole. Moral of the story? Never travel without the GPS again.

So there you have it, Lil Red’s afternoon from hell. I hope all of you guys had a better day than mine! Has anyone ever been in a situation like this? Is your sense of direction just as bad as mine? I’d love to hear from you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Happy Friday! -Sarah