Category Archives: Humor

Colt Johnson Shout Out

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Colt Johnson Shout Out

Hi!! One of my Sunday evening traditions with my favorite cousin, Laura, who lives in Pittsburgh is watching 90 Day Fiance together. We love to watch the new episode and text the entire time, discussing the latest drama and making witty comments. If you watched the newest season on TLC, then you will know all about the craziness that was Colt, Larissa, and DEBBIE. Colt and Larissa were the couple that we all loved to hate and they provided Laura and I with endless hours of quality entertainment.

So, imagine my surprise when Laura emailed me a video of Colt, himself, talking directly to me! Lol, during Laura’s free time, she found a website where you can hire celebrities to make videos for you. She found Colt on the site and she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to get him to congratulate me on my status as a new aunt. Check this shit out:

Guys… I really just can’t. As soon as Colt started saying my name I immediately texted Laura with “wtf is happening?” Lol and when I realized that he was talking to me the hysterical freaking out began. I laughed so hard I almost cried and I just had to share this beautiful shout out with all of you. Even if you don’t watch 90 Day Fiance, there is no denying the hilarity of this video and I cannot wait to return the favor to Laura with her own special hello from Coltee. 😀

Who else is a 90 Day Fiance fan? Which couple do you love to hate on that show? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: Casino

What Even?

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What Even?

Greetings! So I always see posts on Facebook about people finding money in their pockets or unlikely places. Yesterday, I saw someone make a status saying that he found sixty-seven bucks in a VHS tape that he bought at Goodwill! Lol, sadly, none of these happy money finding occasions happened to me. However, the most random thing fell out of my pants (…..) over the weekend and I thought it was funny, so I had to share it with all of you. Check it out:

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For about twenty-four hours, I was going about my day with a tiny crystal somewhere in my sweats. When I took them off when I woke up, I heard the faint metallic clatter as it fell to the ground and when I saw it I freaked out! I thought that one of my tooth gems or body jewelries came off. I inspected my teeth and piercings and everything looked okay, so I just had this random crystal lodged in my pants for god knows how long!

This story is basically my equivalent of finding money somewhere but, obviously, not as cool. It truly was one of those “what even” moments and I still have my little pants crystal sitting on my bathroom counter since it made its appearance. To whomever is reading this, I hope you have a crystal falling out of your pants type of day and lots of good fortune! #passiton lololol

What is the most random or lucky thing that you have found? Do you have any good luck charms? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

These Are My Confessions…

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These Are My Confessions…

Hiiiii everyone! I have to confess… after close to two months post break up with my most recent ex, I made a Tinder… and a Bumble, too. Lol, *Facepalm Emoji* But, damnit, I just couldn’t help it. All of my single lady friends encouraged me to make one, as they have one, as well, so I figured “why not”?

In a social media world, it can be difficult and even damn near impossible to meet someone the old fashioned way. And, for me, it feels even harder considering I am self employed. I have no coworkers and the people who I do work with have special needs so getting my flirt on while on the job is a NO, as I’m responsible for someone else at the time. It’s just not a good look.

At twenty-four, I’m over the going to the bar stage of my life. And, because my working week keeps me so busy, my weekends are normally spent recouping from that. So, how in the HECK do I meet someone?! Hence, I downloaded Tinder… and Bumble. -___-

I haven’t had a Tinder since I was nineteen and, I have to say, it is exactly what I remember it being. AKA, swiping through a bunch of pictures of guys holding up fish. Lolol, seriously! I’ve never seen so many fish pictures in my life. And, because I am anti-fishing, it’s always a no, no, no.

AND, if it’s not fish pictures, it’s pictures of a huge group of people. How am I supposed to figure out who you are if your profile picture is of your entire graduating college class?! No, no, no siree BOB. I thought that maybe Bumble would be a little different and I liked the idea that the girl had to contact the person who you matched with. But, it’s literally the exact same as Tinder.

In fact, I have seen so many of the same fish pictures on Bumble as I have on Tinder and I just can’t take it! Does anyone else notice this?! I feel like I’m taking crazy pills!! I’ll admit, that I have absolutely NO idea where I was going with this post, but I really felt like I needed to get all of that off of my chest, so thanks for listening! Lololol WOOF.

How do my single friends meet people? Who has had some success on any of the dating apps? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Featured Image By: Week Adjourned

Flashback Fun

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Flashback Fun

Hi everyone and happy Sunday! When I talk about my dogs to anyone who will listen, nine times out of ten, I end up showing them the pictures of my rescue pups dressed up for Halloween. Ollie, my terrier mix, and Gem, our Golden Retriever, make up a huge part of my happiness. And, when I think about them, I often flashback to their Despicable Me minion costumes for Halloween this past year:

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I LOVE the polar opposition in these pictures between my babies, because Ollie is just going about his day as normal. Gem, on the other hand, looks freaking PISSED. I am that crazy dog mom who would have pictures of them in my wallet if I could. But, when dogs are the topic of discussion, showing these pictures from my iPod always gets a laugh – and hopefully it makes you laugh, too! It’s just a fun party trick of mine, you know?

Do you dress your pets up for Halloween? Are they like Ollie or Gem when it comes to wearing clothes? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Adorable Cuteness Overload Pt. 2

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Adorable Cuteness Overload Pt. 2

Hiii everyone! So you guys saw my dad’s surprise get well shrine for my mom yesterday – cute, right? Lol, well he added a new member to the sunshine crew and it was so funny that I just had to share it with you all:

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In case you were wondering, yes, that is a cut out head of a monkey sending his well wishes. Wait, what? Haha, I guess we got some magazines from one of the wildlife programs that we donate to, and we got two copies of the monkey edition. Since we had two of a kind, my dad decided that it was okay to cut up the cover to place with the gnome, dog, and flowers.

Naturally, my mom did not want this decapitated monkey picture hanging out on our kitchen table, so my dad retired him to his new location after only one short hour with the sunshine crew:

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I just really can’t even, and it was so funny in the “what the hell” type of way that it only felt necessary to share with each and every one of you. 😀

Does anyone else have weird mascots hanging out in their home? What is the weirdest thing that you or a friend owns? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

The Pre Date Night Frenzy

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The Pre Date Night Frenzy

Going on a date is a serious business, right? We want to look good for our intended beau! However, in the run-up to the big night, logic seems to go out of the window. Partly due to stress, as well as ensuring we are the only girl on the guy’s radar during the evening, we take part in some weird rituals and habits that might seem a little crazy in retrospect. Take a look at what we mean below, and see how many you are familiar with:

Getting ready hours before the date: We want to look our best, so with all of our giddy excitement, we start getting ready hours before we are due to go out. There’s a lot of prep to be done, from choosing the outfit that we are going to wear to working out what makeup will match the look we are going for. We want to impress the guy, not look like something the cat just dragged through the back door, so we make every effort to get things right.

dateeAnd it’s only 9 AM!

We look to Hollywood for advice: You may not be going to the movies on your night out, but you can still pick up a few handy lessons from Hollywood in the day’s leading up to your date. If you want what she’s having, you may pick up some tips from Meg Ryan in ‘When Harry Met Sally,’ and if you want to know what not to do, there’s no better place to learn than from a ‘Bridget Jones’ movie. Of course, Hollywood isn’t reality, so don’t assume all of your Cinderella fantasies will come true. Real life is far more complicated, although watching Bridget make another embarrassing faux pas is going to lighten your mood before you go out.

datee1Flickr Image

We sabotage our good looks: While trying to look good for our date, we stand a greater chance of ruining things for ourselves if we overdo it. Popping zits may seem like a good idea, but it only increases the chances of another outbreak. Hint: Use decent acne cream, instead. Then, when waxing to get rid of body hair, we are in danger of breaking out in unflattering red bumps. Hint: Use these helpful tips to soothe skin after waxing. Hello, silky smooth skin!

We change your mind about the outfit…again: Remember that outfit you picked out at the start of the day? Maybe it’s not the right one after all, so you should probably try something else. You FaceTime your besties and ask (order) them to give you their valued opinion. After listening to their advice for an hour, you hang up on them. They clearly don’t know what they’re talking about. That blue dress with those shoes? Are they mad? In a frenzy, you go back and forth in your mind and body trying on each outfit, trying to preempt your guy’s opinion. In the end, you decide the outfit you chose the first time was the right one after all. Classic.

We become proficient at telling the time: What time is it now? Oh, it’s okay, there’s still hours to go before the date. What time is it now? Oh, it’s only two minutes after the last time you looked. Look, you aren’t going to make time fly by checking your watch every few minutes so relax and give yourself a break. Do something to distract yourself, and you won’t fret as much. Play some music, chat with your friends, watch Bridget Jones for the third time today. What time is it now? AHH, you’re meeting him in five minutes and you still haven’t done your hair. Where did the time go?!

We play the date through in our head…a hundred times: There’s no way that you will know how well the date will go until you actually get there. That doesn’t stop you from going over every eventuality. In your first daydream, you step out of your car door and into your fella’s arms. He whisks you off of your feet and into a ballroom in a scene that is reminiscent of that one part in ‘Beauty and the Beast.’ Only, he’s no beast, he’s absolutely gorgeous, and he proposes to you before the first dance is over. ‘Yes’ you shout out, and everybody applauds as they relish in your celebration. Second daydream: you fall out of your car into a muddy puddle, ruining your dress. The guy doesn’t so much whisk you off of your feet as drag you through the mud as the crowd begins to gather. You stand in the middle of the puddle, just a girl standing in front of a guy, only you are no longer the Julia Roberts in your head, and you have stepped into the cringy world of Bridget Jones. Yikes!

datee2#dreamdate

And then: After going through everything we mentioned, you finally get to your date. He compliments you on how you look and you tell him it was just something you threw together. When he then asks you how your day was, you look at him straight in the eye and say it was fine, just another chilled out day. Of course, you know different. Let’s just hope the date is worth it!

The pre date night frenzy is real and sometimes it can be brutal. Take a deep breath, eat some chocolate, and CHILL OUT! You’re great and it’s going to be a wonderful night!

#blessed

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#blessed

Hi everyone and happy Thursday! This post is about to be TMI so if reading about female hygiene problems grosses you out, then feel free to tune in with a new addition of If The Shoe Fits tomorrow! I won’t be offended, I promise.

Okay, so the other night I was so excited because I had on my brand new Calvin Klein sleep pants. If you forget what they look like, here they are:

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They’re cute, right? Really, really white, right? The type of pants that you wouldn’t want Aunt Flo visiting you in, right? Well, of course, that’s what happened. The sequence of events went like this:

  1. I changed into my pajama pants.
  2. I made it a point to announce to everyone in my home how happy I was about said pajama pants.
  3. Promptly did a little twirl to show off.
  4. Sat down to watch TV after realizing that no one cared.
  5. BOOM. Started my period. -___-

After realizing that a really unfortunate “accident” happened on my brand new white jammies, I didn’t know what to do. My mom wasn’t home, so I couldn’t tell her and hear her sage advice. And my dad gets upset whenever I ask him to shave the back of my neck compliments of my short hair, so I knew he wouldn’t be of any help. But, boy was I wrong.

The thing about my dad, is that he HATES 1) Talking about bodily functions and 2) When I use the washing machine. The few times that I’ve tried to do laundry, I royally messed it up and after those unfortunate incidents, my dad doesn’t want me anywhere near an expensive piece of technology. With this knowledge, can you imagine approaching my father with a period related laundry problem? Yeah, yikes.

So, instead of using the washing machine without asking, I casually changed my pants, applied stain remover to the problem area, and asked my dad, “Do you know how to get stains out of white clothes?”. Of course, my dad had to ask, “Well, what kind of stain is it?”. I literally didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I think I would have preferred to tell him that I peed my pants. ANYTHING but my period. I shuffled my feet for at least five seconds and finally said, “It’s blood, if you really have to know”.

And what did my dad do? If you’re thinking that his head exploded from the sheer shock that his adult daughter was menstruating, then you’ll be surprised to know that he calmly replied with, “Okay, did you put stain remover on it?”. He then proceeded to ask me what material the pants were made out of and then GOOGLED “how to remove blood stains from cotton clothes”. Like, what?

My dad then walked me through, step by step, how to use the washing machine and how to remove the stain according to Google. How to presoak the pants, that I should put more stain remover on after the soak, which setting I should wash it on next, how to dry it without the pants shrinking. Every step in the dance of removing a period stain from white pants, my dad covered in detail.

And guess what? It worked! Thanks to my dad helping me and keeping a level head, the stain out of my WHITE pajama bottoms was gone. I was shocked, but after it happened, I don’t know why I thought that he would have reacted any differently. I think my dad saw that I really just needed help and taken care of. I’ve had a rough few weeks and instead of telling me to figure my woman problems out myself, he taught me how to handle it.

My dad faced his fears of 1) Me being within a foot of the washing machine and 2) Me talking about my body problems because he saw his daughter in distress. I don’t know, this just really showed me the man that my dad is so clearly and it was special to me. I put him in an awkward situation and he handled it in the way that I so desperately needed. I love my parents so much, but I’m genuinely happy that my mom wasn’t home so that my dad and I could tackle this #periodproblem together.

I feel so #blessed about my Aunt Flo scenario, but I think I’ll be waiting until after my period is done to wear my new sleep pants again! Has anyone ever had an awkward moment with their parents that brought you closer together? How do you beat the period blues? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Battle Of The Sexes: How Men And Women Get Ready

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Battle Of The Sexes: How Men And Women Get Ready

You’re going out. Maybe it’s date night, or perhaps an evening out with friends to celebrate a special occasion. Both you and your boyfriend have agreed what time you need to leave; you have to be out of the door by 8 PM/8:15 at the very, very latest.

So the clock starts ticking. *Que Jeopardy theme*

vss.pngClocks can’t rush perfection. 😉

6 PM; You: “I guess I better start thinking of what I’m going to wear…”

You head to your closet and start inspecting literally everything that you own. Of course, none of it is acceptable; a closet full of gorgeous clothing but nothing that you’re enthused about wearing. You try on a few outfits, but none of them seem to be the right look for the night.

6 PM; Boyfriend: “Oh that’s right, we’re going out.”

And then promptly forgets about it, continuing on with the task he was doing beforehand. SMH.

6:30 PM; You: “What are you wearing?”

Having finally decided on your own outfit, you decide it’s probably a decent idea to make sure your boyfriend isn’t going to clash. You track him down and ask what he’s wearing.

6:30 PM; BF: “I haven’t really thought about it, to be honest.” (Typical.)

He doesn’t panic, though. It’s pretty simple for men; pants and some kind of shirt will suffice for the vast majority of occasions. He’s sure something is clean. He looks puzzled when you mention the idea of color clashing (What does that even mean?!).

6:45 PM; You: “Getting my groom on.” AYYY

You head to the bathroom to begin the process of getting ready. It’s actually one that you quite like, so you’re happy to spend some time going through the familiar motions of preparing yourself for the world.

You shower. You moisturize. You brush leave-in conditioner through your hair. You wrap your hair in a towel (which you boyfriend proclaims to be “witchcraft, when it’s really just strategically placed tucks and folds). You’re ready for phase two.

7 PM; BF: “Oh, I guess I should shower, as well, shouldn’t I?”

Reminded only by the fact that you’ve showered, he hops into the bathroom himself and does his routine. It’s a bit shorter than yours; shower, shave, a little bit of manscaping, aftershave, and then he’s good to go. He heads to get dressed.

7 PM -7.30; You: “Primer, foundation, concealer, eyeshadow…”

You know the motions of getting ready by now and the routine is smooth and simple. It takes a while – don’t worry, even women with the steadiest of hands aren’t able to apply eyeliner flawlessly on the first attempt – but you know that you’ve got time. With your makeup done, all you need to do is put your pre-chosen outfit on and do your hair. Job done. Well, nearly.

7:30 PM; BF: “I really did think I had something clean…”

After a panicked look through his entire wardrobe, he finally alights on an outfit that looks presentable. He’s ready.

7:45 PM; You: “Are you sure this looks okay?”

Still preening in the mirror, you’ve suddenly taken wildly against the outfit that you selected less than two hours prior. (It happens to the best of us.)

7:50 PM; BF: “Yes it’s fine. You look fine. Great. Can we go?”

8 PM; Both Of You: Finally ready, you head out of the door for your night out. You might have taken different routes to get to this point, but you got there in the end and that’s all that matters!

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Looking good feeling great.

Everyone has a different getting ready routine and as long as you get from Point A to Point B on time, you can’t really complain about your SO’s totally annoying pre date night process! 😉

Panty Palooza

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Panty Palooza

Helloooo everyone and happy Tuesday! If you guys have been following my Panty Problems series, then you’ll know that we left off on a good note – a Silver Linings PantyBook, if you will. My online order to Aerie finally arrived over the weekend and I am so happy to say that all seven panties that I paid a whole $27.50 for were winners!

You guys have no idea how badly I needed this panty win after so many underoo trials and tribulations. I honestly don’t know what I would do if I opened my package from Aerie and hated every single panty that I ordered. At that point, I would probs just set fire to my entire panty drawer AND the rain, while I’m at it. Luckily for all parties involved, that wasn’t the case. Take a look at my Panty Palooza purchases and let’s discuss:

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^^^ PANTY PARTY!

So, yes. Thanks to Aerie’s staggeringly better selection online as opposed to when I went to visit them in stores, I was able to replenish my panty drawer. I got me some boyshorts, cheekies, a thong for good measure, and a new pair of period panties (it should be obvious which one that is!). I’ve grown increasingly fond of the boyshort as of late so I’m really excited about all three of my new pairs of those! They are so cute and comfy and I cant wait to wear them as a set with a pretty bra or under an oversized T for when I go to bed. The panty possibilities are endless!

After evaluating my seven new panties and relishing the purchase, which proved to be satisfactory, I began the task of organizing my panty drawer. I’ll be honest with you guys, I am a complete and total clothing hoarder. If I have that whisper in the back of my mind that says “you might be able to wear that four years from now” you best believe that I’m going to keep whatever that article of clothing is. Even panties.

My panty drawer is something that I rarely go through because I never really think of it. Especially considering that I have my favorite pairs of panties and everything else just becomes kind of forgotten in my panty plethora. This had to change. I emptied out my panty drawer, organized my underoos by color, and parted with some dearly beloved panty friends.

It was sad to see some of my fallen panty warriors end up in the trash, but I was happy to be reminded of all of the panties that I had forgotten about by picking favorites. A solid clean through of my panty drawer left me feeling like I had way more than seven new pairs to pick from, because of all of the ones that I wasn’t even aware that I had – so that was a major plus!

Although this journey began with some major Panty Problems, all’s well that ends well, because it was a straight up Panty Palooza this weekend! Three cheers for sweet little underthings and also three cheers for me for finally getting the panty revamp that I so desperately needed.

So there you have it, the Panty Problems series conclusion: Panty Palooza. I am so BLESSED that my panty odyssey had a happy ending and now, you guys can rest assured that you won’t read the word PANTY on my blog for a very long time! Where do you love to buy lingerie from? What store has the best selection? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Panty P.S.: Have any of my readers shopped Adore Me? I’m intrigued and I want to know if it’s worth the hype before making a purchase! Thanks! ❤

Silver Linings PantyBook

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Silver Linings PantyBook

Helloooo everyone and happy Hump Day! So as you guys know, I have had some major Panty Problems this past weekend. You can read all about my tale of woe in the link but just know that it was a really hard time for me, okay?!?! BUT, with every hurricane comes a rainbow and the Silver Linings PantyBook happened on Monday night when I decided to give Aerie’s online store a go.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting much out of the online site considering I had such abysmal luck in store but I took a deep breath and checked out the panty section, anyways. My thought process behind this one final attempt at panty redemption was the fact that I had a gift card so generously given to me by my mother and if you haven’t figured it out yet, I really need new panties. As I scrolled through the online store of panties galore I….

Wasn’t impressed. BUT that didn’t mean that I was at a complete loss! Aerie, the sneaky devils, decided to hoard all of their cute stuff as online exclusives and sent the rest of the not so stellar shipment to the stores (or so it seems!). So amidst the losing pairs of panties that I had already seen in the store, there were little gems peppered into the page in their online exclusives. Aerie’s usual deal is seven pairs of panties for $27.50, which I think is such a steal so I hunted down seven WINNING pairs to add to my shopping cart.

I ended up with some thongs, cheekies, boyshorts, and a good ol’ pair of period panties for when the time comes. With shipping and tax, I ended up paying a little less than the amount that I paid at Victoria’s Secret for only THREE panties, which I’ve since returned. Aerie has slightly redeemed themselves in my mind after the Silver Linings PantyBook occurred in my online order. BUT, that doesn’t mean that I’m not still disappointed in their lack of cute underthings!!

Will I be satisfied with my order once it arrives? Will I ever stop using the word PANTY? Find out next time when the Panty Problems series concludes with Panty Palooza! Where is your favorite place to shop lingerie? Which store has the cutest panties on the block? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah