Tag Archives: funny

Mar6

PMS? Or Just Pissed?

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PMS? Or Just Pissed?

Heyy everyone and happy Monday. So thanks to a not so subtle title, I’m sure you guys can all gather that it’s my “time of the month”. TMI? Maybe. But, it is my page which sometimes doubles as an online journal for when I just want to shout out to the void of the world wide web and be petty. So, let’s play out this new game show style segment and see what happens…

Sarah’s Bad Mood:

Is It PMS Or Just Pissed?

The Symptoms:

Well…Let’s see:

  1.  For a snack last night I ate three pancakes, two squares of Ghirardelli chocolate, a bagel and butter, a bowl of fettuccine noodles, and a delightful couscous salad.
  2.  I just told my dog who offered me a toy to “go away”.
  3.  My stomach feels like somebody is Mortal Kombat punching it.
  4.  I am SO freaking irritable that I seriously think I could Mortal Kombat punch a hole through the wall.
  5.  Did I mention that all I want to do is eat?
  6.  I literally think that if somebody looked at me the wrong way right now that I would scream and then immediately start crying.

Now, I’m no Web MD specialist but my conclusion to this riveting (admittedly TMI) new segment is…

PMS!

You know, when I was a teenager, my periods never bothered me. They were more of a monthly annoyance than anything and that was it. No pissy moods, no cramps, no wanting to eat everything in a twelve foot radius, no mood swings, no nothing. But now, as a twenty-two year old, my periods are the biggest pain in the ass on the planet. Cramps like a mother, my mouth turns into a vacuum that consumes literally ALL the food, and mood swings that would make Ohio weather seem normal.

I’ve mentioned this to a lot of my girlfriends and about three fourths of them have similar sentiments to mine. As if being a young twenty something pathetically floundering her way through life wasn’t hard enough already, mother nature gives me a week of torture monthly. I swear guys, I legit feel like I’m going crazy and it’s just exhausting! I don’t know why but today is just wearing me out and I’m already so ready for a drink and Netflix in bed.

Sorry to the people who read this that are grossed out by periods or whatever but sometimes being a girl really sucks and mama needed to vent. Besides, now we can all rest easy in knowing that it’s PMS rather than Just Pissed! 😉

Okay, now for some questions. Ladies, how do you deal with PMS? Gentlemen, what do you do when a lady in your life is PMSing (Staying away is not an acceptable answer!!)? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Mar2

Selfie Spam

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Selfie Spam

Hiiii everyone and happy Thursday! I have come to realize that I’m not the best at posting some Sarah Selfies every now and then on lifewithlilred. But, thanks to a lazy day, that is about to change! And what better time to do it than on Throwback Thursday considering both of these were taken a week or two ago?! SCORE.

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So, there’s that. Lol.

Selfies can seriously be either the most fantastic or most stressful thing of your life. I’ll tell ya, there’s nothing better than taking a fabulous picture on the first few clicks of your camera. When you’re feeling yourself and the lighting is giving you all the love, it feels like the hallelujah chorus should be singing your praises any second.

But, god forbid, that your pics are just not working. I can think of few things that are more frustrating than when you’re looking fab and can literally not take a “good” picture to save your life! Whether the lighting is wonky, you can’t make the perfect face, or your palms are sweaty (knees weak, arms are heavy), a selfie shoot that is going wrong freaking SUCKS. It’s like…you know you’re looking Instagram worthy so why in the name of all that is holy is it not translating to one measly picture. Yeeesh!

So, here’s to you: the selfie queens that can take a gorgeous picture about 99.9% of the time. I admire the hell out of you and salute you. Maybe, if Sarah Selfie Shoots weren’t so freaking annoying half of the time, I could aspire to be on your level!

It only felt right to upload some Selfie Spam today and my hope for all of you is nothing but perfect selfies in the future! What are your tricks and tips for a super like-worthy selfie? How do you choose your favorite picture when literally all twenty of the ones that you took look exactly alike? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Feb13

Single On Valentine’s Day? Same.

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Single On Valentine’s Day? Same.

Hellooo everyone and happy almost Valentine’s Day! For some, Valentine’s Day is the best thing ever. A whole day to celebrate what a cute relationship you’re in with presents, dinner, and drinks? Woof. Sign me up! But for us Single Sarahs (and Sallys!), V-Day can kind of suck, am I right? A whole day dedicated to reminding you that you’re forever alone and the only touch you’ll be experiencing is your hand on a glass of wine? Woof. Can we just not and say we did?

But hey, instead of focusing on the fact that we’re single, sad, and suppressing emotions, let’s make Valentine’s Day tolerable, at the very least. V-Day is the day for us singletons to unite in our misery and encourage each other to drink heavily, finish that gallon of ice cream, and watch A Walk To Remember for the seventieth time. There ain’t no shame in our game, so let’s get to it:

First Things First: Get the vino. Head to your local gas station or grocery in your jammies and snag a bottle (or two!) of your favorite booze. You deserve it! After the wine is safely in your shopping basket, gather any other V-Day survival supplies that you might need. We’re talking ice cream, chocolates, and industrial size boxes of tissues – the works!

Next Off: Get yourself home and let the festivities begin. Crack a bottle and pop in your favorite chick flick. One of my personal favorites is Legally Blonde, but any girl power or romance movie will do! Bottoms up!

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After The Movie: Once your movie is over, you might be feeling even worse than before considering every classic chick flick ends with the girl wrapped around her handsome hunk of a man. That’s okay. Embrace your emotions of solitude, phone a friend, cry a little, hold your head in your hands and scream, and move on to the next activity.

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Cheer Up: Once you get all of the tears, snot, and screams out of your system, take a swig of wine or your favorite soft drink and repeat the process. Maybe this time you could even branch out of your movie comfort zone and watch an action packed adventure flick to get your mind off of cute movie couples that you aren’t a part of.

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Still Upset?

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Just Remember…

That you’re single every other day of the year, that your prince or princess charming is probably creeping on your social media pages as we speak, and that I still love you! ❤

And Also Remember…

That this post was made in good humor, always drink in moderation (!!!), and to stay off of Facebook for the day if seeing pictures of happy couples will upset you! 😉

If you’re Single On Valentine’s Day, it’s okay because I am too and will be available on social media, my comments section, and email for those who need a Lil Red pep talk! How do you feel about Valentine’s Day? Are you celebrating with your significant other or riding solo? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jan20

Taco Bell, Lol

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Taco Bell, Lol

Hiii everyone and TGIF! So I had a super fun night with my sister yesterday. Kristen came with me to watch me coach Special Olympics figure skating, then we went shopping in downtown Kent (the surrounding college town), and decided to top off our night with some delicious Taco Bell. This is the part where you go: But wait, I thought you and your sister have both been vegetarians since childhood. And this is the part where I respond with: You can get beans on everything instead of meat!

So, yes, Taco Bell. After we finished our shopping, I was completely starving. It was after seven at that point which is way later than when I’m normally used to eating and I was getting HANGRY. Lucky for us, there’s a TBell right up the street from where we were, so we decided to go there instead of our usual stomping grounds that is closer to home. After making this decision, which I now wish we didn’t make, I was getting really excited. Fantasizing about eating the entire menu, salivating heavily – the whole nine yards of hungry girl problems.

A few minutes later, we arrived at Taco Bell and hurried inside to begin our order. Because I knew exactly what I wanted, I went first and began my litany of the four items that I wanted. As I mentioned before, because I’m a vegetarian, my order consists of asking them to sub the beef for beans after each item. To a seasoned TBell employee, this is no sweat. But to the fresh out of the hiring process girl working the register, it was the most difficult task in the world.

For well over ten minutes, I repeated my order as she tried to put it into the register and doubled back into the kitchen to ask for help. At first, I was like “Okay, I get it. I remember being new at a register based job before, too” and tried to be as kind as possible. But then, the hangryness started hitting me hard and I knew that if I stood there any longer, I would maybe be not so nice. To avoid this problem after the poor girl was appearing to get no help and she was getting visibly frustrated, I told her not to worry about it because there was a Taco Bell so close to my home.

I was so worried that that was rude but I really didn’t want to let my hangryness get the best of me. I also didn’t want to watch the girl struggle anymore since it looked like no one was coming to her rescue anytime soon. So, Kristen and I went back into the car and headed to the Tbell that we live a mile away from. And I have to tell you, it felt really good to be back in familiar territory.

We ordered our food and was then informed by the lovely employee that if we take a survey and mention her and her coworkers that they would get four extra dollars on their paychecks. We also would get free taco coupons for completing the survey. It seemed like a win win, so while we waited for our food, we each took the survey. Just upon completion, our food arrived which included a super special Taco Bell message from a grateful employee for us taking the survey. Lol, take a look:

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^^^ Lololol

All in all, it was a beautiful evening but I still can’t help feeling kind of bad about the new employee at the Taco Bell that we fled the scene from. I hope she finds that her job gets easier soon!! Anyways, Kristen and I still had a lot of fun and just as our secret Crunchwrap Supreme message says, TBell truly does = life.

What happens when you get hangry? Was there a job that you ever had a really hard time getting the hang of? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Dec11

Pedi Party

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Pedi Party

Hey everyone and happy Sunday! So yesterday I had myself a little Pedi Party with one of my favorite high school teachers and it was such fun. I had never gotten a pedicure before and was treated to it as a college graduation present. And guess what?! I didn’t even let my ticklishness get the best of me – which I unfortunately can’t say for the one and only massage that I have ever gotten!

As you guys know, I am a devout fan of my acrylic nails so you would think that I would have gotten a pedicure by now. Not the case, guys. Not the case. I guess I really just have never cared about my toes enough to pamper them. 1) They’re not pretty to look at. 2) I barely have nails worthy of painting on my tootsies. And 3) My pinkie corn chip toe is an embarrassment to mankind!

Despite the litany of ugliness that I just described, my nail tech did an amazing job of salvaging some dignity out of my toesies and left them looking so pretty! Take a look, and if you have a foot phobia: SORRY but if you have a foot fetish: YOU’RE WELCOME!

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Obviously, I went with black to match my talons! :*)

All in all, the pedicure was fabulous and I had a great time spending the afternoon with my dear friend. However, I do feel like kind of an asshole because my legs were SO. HAIRY. I guess I didn’t really think to myself “Hey, Sarah – your legs are hairier than most guys right now. Maybe you should clean yourself up”. I mean obviously I didn’t because when the poor nail tech was scrubbing up my legs he was fighting against a forest of prickles! What can I say, WINTER IS MY HIBERNATION TIME and don’t think for one minute that I didn’t apologize profusely for him having to rub on woolly mammoth fur. 😉

With my tail hung between my (hairy) legs, I tamed the beast last night and now have legs as smooth and pretty as my little black seashell toenails. GREAT SUCCESS! Thank you to my wonderful friend for such a treat of an afternoon yesterday and thank you to my nail tech for putting up with me! 🙂

I hope everyone is having a fabulous day and my final questions for you are:

  • Would you rather not shave your legs for a year or not wear makeup for six months?
  • Would you rather get a hot stone massage or a mani/pedi combo?

I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Sep21

If The Shoe Fits – Fall Haul Edition

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If The Shoe Fits – Fall Haul Edition

Hellooo everyone and happy Hump Day! Today I am concluding my Fall Haul with a brand new If The Shoe Fits article. Amazing shoes are usually the last thing you put on while getting ready but some would argue that they are the most important. So however you see it, it only seems fitting that some fabulous new shoes are what brings the Fall Haul to a close. Take a look at my latest footwear finds from Target and TJMaxx and let’s discuss:

The Haul:

  • Faux Snakeskin Booties: Target, $25
  • Studded Mary Jane Heels: TJMaxx, White Mountain, $25

Target Booties: My mom can serve as witness to the fact that when I saw these beautiful faux snakeskin booties, I literally gasped. I am usually not fond of any type of animal print but I. Love. Snakeskin…Fake, of course. For my birthday, I got a gorgeous Nine West faux snakeskin tote and these booties match my favorite bag exactly. These boots are edgy, cool, perfect for fall, and I got them for a steal. What could be better?

I love snakeskin so much because it is such a fabulous neutral. These booties literally go with everything. A true testament to that is when I paired my boots with a burgundy and floral print dress to wear to school. Instead of looking like I got dressed in the dark that day, I had a look that truly popped thanks to my new boots. Thanks to the gorgeous tans, creams, and greys in the snakeskin pattern, the contrast of the white florals against a deep burgundy dress looked much more severe and eye catching. The look was tied together with my matching tote and I seriously never felt better.

I can’t wait to continue pairing these shoes with unexpected pieces like loud patterned dresses, skirts, and tops because I am so confident that all they will do is enhance the look rather than make the patterns clash. These boots are going to be perfect with everything from jeans to dresses to cute little shorts in the summer. I am so pleased with this purchase and you can follow the link above to get a pair for yourself! #Twinning

TJMaxx Heels: I’m very excited about these sweet little heels because there was a pair on ModCloth that looked identical to them but costed at least eighty dollars more! These shoes aren’t as bold as some of the pairs that I own but I think that’s why I like them so much. I like that they are kind of simple but have edginess in their own right via the studded decal that goes around the shoes.

Unfortunately, the studs brought me a lot of woe but in the end, these shoes were so worth it. The day after I brought my heels home, I noticed that the stud on the middle of the left shoe’s toe was missing. Was it a big deal? No. But it drove me freaking crazy! It isn’t like anyone would ever notice that one stud on the shoe was missing but the fact that I knew that it was there was almost too much for me to handle.

That evening, I went to another TJ’s to see if they had the shoes so I could exchange them and had no luck. Then, I searched my home all over to see if there was anything that I could put in its place and came up with nada. After a few more days of stewing, I finally had it! I would pull a stud off of a super old and grungy pair of combat boots that I never wear and replace the missing stud.

The stud was easy to pull off of the boots because they’re well over four years old but everything after that was a hot mess. It took a good half hour to find super glue that wasn’t dried up completely and once I found one, I could not get it open for the life of me. After minutes of straining, I finally had to walk with my tail between my legs to my dad who got it open on the first try. Awesome.

*Sigh* At least the glue was open! I began to super glue away and the first couple of times didn’t work at all. After about the fourth try, the stud was finally sticking well so I decided to put a few more layers of glue on to make sure that it would stay put for forever. Bad idea. After the additional gluing, my thumbs and index fingers on both hands were glued together completely. I had no idea what to do because this had never happened to me before so I just started trying to pull my fingers apart.

After a few minutes, the glue finally started to give way and I was able to get my fingers separated. But, my god, did it hurt! The one good thing that came out of this story is that my studless shoe finally had a replacement and I no longer had to go crazy thinking about it. However, I think the craziness that I endured to get said stud onto the shoe was worse than just letting the fact that my shoe was missing a stud go! That just shows the great lengths that I will go to for my shoe babies. But hey, if the shoe fits! 😉

So there you have it, my latest issue of If The Shoe Fits – Fall Haul Edition! What is the craziest thing that you’ve ever done for a piece of clothing? How far would you go to fix a pair of shoes that you deeply loved? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Sep10

Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall

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Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall

Hi everyone and happy weekend! Welcome to my darling friend, Gintare’s, humorous take on why everyone should be looking forward to fall. This post is a hoot so I am sure you are all going to love it! Please be sure to check out Gintare’s blog, as well, for more fabulous posts! Enjoy:

Fifteen Reasons To Look Forward To Fall:

  1. You can overdose on cinnamon and pumpkin anything and nobody will dare to judge you.

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2. If you’re particularly bad at making yourself presentable, you can always tell people who stare that you’re testing some new looks for Halloween.

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3. Same goes for if the 24-7 rain messed up your mascara, too.

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4. You can skip make up entirely because nobody will see anything or anyone beyond the inside of their umbrellas.

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5. You’ll get your cardio whilst jumping around avoiding puddles and slippery leaves on the pavement.

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6. As the days get shorter the social pressure of going out and doing things will subside and you can release your inner introvert again!

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7. Mid-week movie nights will be more common, too, as it will be miserable outside so why wouldn’t you escape to an imaginary world instead?

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8. Speaking of, there will suddenly be so much time to read all those books you wanted to read since last fall!

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9. If all else fails to entertain you, you can always just brew yourself some warm tea, cozy up in an over-sized sweater, and look through the window at the people miserably running from the cold rain because they forgot their umbrella. (Admit it, you enjoy it a little bit.)

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10. Suddenly it’s a full year until you have to worry about how you look in a bikini. You know what that means!

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11. For one glorious week, if you’re lucky even longer, the look of trees will be awesome enough to inspire you to write something awesome. Or so you’ll think.

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12. Summer stuff will go on sale. This is when you buy something that’s a bit too small and aim to fit into it during the next summer. (Then you conveniently misplace it somewhere “whoopsie daisies”.)

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13. There will be some amazing TV shows hitting the Internets!

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14. Um…back to school stationery haul? Yas. I don’t even care that I’ve graduated from both school and uni already, no one can stop me!

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15. Cozy socks and we’re closer to Christmas. ‘Nuff said.

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Autumn is going to be great.

Let’s connect! Follow me on Instagram, Bloglovin, & now also on Twitter @SatOnWed – because the full name didn’t fit, haha. 9 times out of 10 I will jump into following you back, unless you’re that 1 out of 10 robot account *squints suspiciously*.

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^^^ Love it! Thank you so much again to Gintare for giving us her countdown of reasons to look forward to fall! Once again, please check out her page and show her some love! What other reasons would you add to Gintare’s list? What is your favorite thing about fall? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Aug12

Amazon Freebie

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Amazon Freebie

Hi everyone and TGIF! I am finally getting up to date on all of my summer purchases posts and this one pertains to my new favorite sweatshirt that I got on Amazon for FREE! Thanks to completing surveys on IPoll, I received a twenty-five dollar Amazon gift card in April or so. Since then, the card has been burning a hole in my pocket but after watching Animal House with my parents last month, I knew just what to spend it on. Take a look:

Animal House is one of my favorite movies because it’s basically the original Old School – which happens to be another one of my favorites! In Animal House, the “COLLEGE” sweatshirt that Bluto sports while downing a bottle of Jack always cracks me up. The shirt is just so ridiculous and as soon as I saw it while watching the movie last month, I knew that I wanted one of my own.

After the movie was finished, I turned to Amazon and hoped that they would have one for a reasonable price. I was in luck because they had a great selection and all of the sweatshirts seemed to be in my gift card budget and had excellent reviews. I was able to snag my Animal House style sweatshirt for twenty-seven bucks but thanks to my gift card and the points that I accumulated from my Amazon credit card, I got it FO FREE! Now that’s what I call ballin on a budget!

So there you have it, my Animal House Amazon Freebie! What is your favorite crazy college kids movie? What is your favorite quote from Animal House? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. –Sarah

Jun6

Accidental Lip Facelift

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Accidental Lip Facelift

Hi everyone and welcome to a guest post from my friend, Lori, over at The Bluntist! As all of you know, I am on vacation right now and am lucky enough to have such amazing blogging friends to help maintain lifewithlilred while I’m away! So without further ado, enjoy a hilarious post from the beautiful Lori, with a guest appearance by tequila:

Accidental Lip Facelift

On Saturday we invited 30 of our closest friends over to celebrate my husband’s birthday. At a loss for what to drink, I opted to just do tequila shots all night long. I figured it would save me all the calories I would be consuming if I had selected a mixed drink or beer. After shot number 4 or 5 my lips felt crazy chapped. I felt like the 9 year old kid back at summer camp with the super chapped and peeling lips, except mine weren’t visibly chapped, they just felt like they were. I kept looking in the mirror and they looked plump and I didn’t need lip gloss. I kept up with the tequila shots.

The next day, I kept applying coconut and olive oil because Vaseline and Carmex weren’t cutting it. Come Monday, I was irritated and told myself that I would moisturize for one more day before taking to my lips with a toothbrush to exfoliate them. Patience has never been my strong suit so I grabbed a tissue and gave my lower lip a swift wipe right to left and then dragged the tissue left to right over my top lip. Instantly dead skin flaked off my lips and they were left feeling softer than a baby’s behind! What the hell had just happened?

Months ago, I had stumbled upon an easy natural-ish one ingredient cleanse  and it appears that I’ve now discovered another easy natural one ingredient lip facelift! Here are the easy steps on how to rejuvenate your lips.

Directions:

1. Cut up fresh limes into wedges.

2. Fill shot glass with Patron Silver.

3. Take the shot of Patron Silver and follow up by sucking on a lime wedge.

4. Repeat steps 1-3 numerous times.

5. When your lips begin feeling chapped, begin moisturizing with Vaseline, coconut oil, olive oil, or any other lip moisturizer. Do this for 24-36 hours.

6. Swipe a tissue swiftly across your lips. Wipe away the flaky dead layer of lip skin. Is lip skin technically a thing?

7. Enjoy your new soft supple lips….. compliments of my accidental lime lip facelift!

You’re welcome!

^^^ So funny! This is one beauty hack that I definitely don’t mind trying! Thanks again to the always wonderful, Lori! Please make sure to check her page out at The Bluntist and give it some love! Also, remember to tune in tomorrow for another guest post here on lifewithlilred! Much love. -Sarah

Mar23

Happy Birthday, Mom!!

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Happy Birthday, Mom!!

Hi everyone and happy Hump Day! Yesterday was a very special day because it was my mom’s birthday!! I am so lucky to have the best mom in the whole wide world and I love her so much. She is the smartest, funniest, bravest, most beautiful person that I know and I’m privileged to be able to call her mom! I hope your new year is filled with nothing but happiness because if anyone deserves it, it’s you. Take a look at us being cute and then be sure to give my mom some happy birthday loving:

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^^^ When we took these pics, my madre said that she wasn’t “selfie material”. I say FALSE!!!!

❤ Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you!! ❤