Whatsup everyone and Happy Fourth Of July to those that celebrate! So this past week I finally met with a new psychiatrist after I had a disappointing falling out with my old pill pusher of seven years. Long story short, my final appointment with her resulted in me walking out and her never refilling my prescriptions. This ended up being a major shit show because I desperately needed my sleeping pills and antidepressants refilled because my prescription was almost gone. I only had about two days worth of medicine at the time and then I was donezo until I could get someone to fill my prescription. Multiple phone calls were made to my old psychiatrist’s office but she never followed through and at that point I was fresh out of my pills. I’ve been on a very high dose of Trazodone for years because I literally can’t sleep without it and I’ve been on Effexor for close to a year for depression and anxiety. And because my doctor was an asshole, I was without my medicine for almost an entire week….It was legitimately the worst time of my life.

I think people think that I’m exaggerating when I say that I can’t sleep without my pills – but I can’t sleep without my pills. In the five days that I was without my Trazodone I probably slept a total of twelve hours or less. It’s that bad. Some nights I was up all night, other nights I was lucky to catch two hours of sleep. It was just so hard because on top of being completely exhausted from little to no sleep, I was starting to feel the effects of medication withdrawal as well. I went from taking my pills every day for years to stopping them completely without weening myself off. This resulted in flu like symptoms and I was basically in zombie mode for five days. It was honestly pretty scary. I felt like a shell of myself. I was so weak and so fucking tired. I looked like a straight up junkie – my eyes looked hollowed out from the dark circles that appeared from lack of sleep and I had no appetite so I was barely eating which made me look very frail and paler than usual. I was a hot, hot mess. Thankfully on day six of no meds, the emergency psychiatrist on call at a local hospital looked through my files and felt comfortable refilling my prescriptions. She was seriously an angel and that first night of being able to sleep again was the most amazing thing in the entire world.

That paragraph doesn’t even begin to describe the physical turmoil and mental exhaustion that my sleepless nights resulted in thanks to my ex-psychiatrist. So when I met with my new one this week and told her about what happened she was extremely sympathetic and began asking me more questions about my sleeping habits. She then diagnosed me with insomnia which was never brought up with my old doctor. I’ve always known that my sleeping problems were more severe than just the occasional sleepless night. Sometimes I can’t sleep even when I do take my medicine, which is enough Trazodone to knock out a horse. It was very comforting to have my issue diagnosed with an actual name. I never really brought up the “I word” with my old psychiatrist because I figured that after seven years she would have diagnosed me by now. So being seen by someone with a fresh pair of eyes who was able to address the problem within fifteen minutes of meeting me felt awesome. This brings me immense relief because now I know that no matter what psychiatrist I end up at in the next few years I’ll never have to argue to keep my dose of sleeping pills high or have to explain myself about it.

I definitely feel a lot better after meeting with my new psychiatrist and feel very comforted in knowing that I have this new diagnosis in my file now. I really liked my new doctor and am looking forward to my next appointment with her! I hope that all of you are having a fabulous day so far! Are you celebrating the Fourth Of July? Are you up to anything fun this weekend? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah