Tag Archives: depressed

Feeling Blah

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Feeling Blah

Hi everyone and happy Sunday! Is it just me or are any of you guys feeling totally blah lately? I recently started going to therapy at the beginning of October and it has had me in quite a tizzy. That, on top of the changing weather, the darkness that falls in the early evening, and the stressers of daily life has left me feeling completely lackluster.

Now, I get it, life isn’t always sunshine, puppies, and rainbows (I wish!) – but that doesn’t mean that having the blues doesn’t freaking suck! Everything in Lil Red’s world at the moment has just been that step below average. So the not good but closer to bad doldrums have hit me like a ton of bricks. And once those feelings make camp in your head, it’s so hard to shake them.

I try not to be a complainer and god knows I try to just grin and bear it, but boy is it exhausting. I have found solace in Netflix and chilling with myself in between my work schedule but I think that I have become wayyy too comfortable just sinking into the couch and trying to forget my worries in a binge watching session.

So how does one peel themselves off of their futon and start taking life by the horns again? Shit, I don’t know! That’s why I’m asking you guys! Lol, but seriously I need to take a deep breath, get up, and just go. Yes, it’s easier to lose myself in a Saw movie marathon but it would be better to do things that are good for me to clear some of the fog in my head. But, man is it hard sometimes!

What do you do to ease some of the blahs in your brain? How do you get yourself going again after a stint with depression? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

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The Old College Try

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The Old College Try

Hi everyone and happy weekend! So this past Thursday I decided to give going to see a therapist a shot. Things in Lil Red’s world have been anything but perfect lately, so I thought I would try my hand at going to have a chat with a professional for the first time in years. Don’t get me wrong, I have friends that I can talk to when I’m feeling GLUM, but who wants to spend BFF time rehashing the most depressing stuff ever? Not me.

I saw a therapist all throughout high school and shortly after and it always seemed to help. And, I have to say, that it definitely felt good to be able to unload some major burdens onto someone who doesn’t know myself or my family a couple of days ago. I’ve been feeling incredibly overwhelmed and depressed as of late and I’m over it. I’m stressed out constantly and I need to just be able to vent to someone and then get up and walk away from it until next time.

I felt a little bit better after my first hour long session on Thursday, which is way better than feeling one hundred percent miserable. AND I have my appointments scheduled for the rest of September and all of October to work on getting these blues shaken away. I felt pretty proud of myself for actually attempting to do something instead of just wallowing in my own misery until things start to get better. I am definitely looking forward to next week’s session!

I’m giving therapy The Old College Try again and I’m excited to start making some improvements for myself. How do you deal with the major blahs? Has therapy helped you now or in the past? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

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Identifying When Your Friend Might Need Your Support

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Identifying When Your Friend Might Need Your Support

Despite the immense potential and beauty that life can offer, and does offer all of the time, sometimes we all must enter periods of sadness, sorrow, and doubt. This can trigger from a range of different problems, and we all experience it now and then. Not everyone can be functioning at 100% all of the time, and periods of depression or isolation can actually serve for the greater good in the long-term. If you’re going through a period of depression, that previous statement must be apologized for in terms of its bluntness, but not it terms of its message.

Trivializing depression is always wrong, but robbing it of all complete perceptive value would be wrong, too. Overcoming a depressive episode can make you a stronger, more down-to-earth person. Remember, a tree’s branches can only reach as high as its roots go. A person who has successfully made it through a depressive episode is likely to come through the other side better off in some ways. It can be a purifying fire, that forces you to prioritize what is important to you, who is important to you, and how you can best live your life with wisdom and foresight.

However, this doesn’t mean that being depressed isn’t real. If you’ve been through feelings of despair yourself, you’ll know about the support that you hope for but usually can’t articulate your desire to retrieve. As a friend, it’s important that you keep an eye on your other friends or roommates to make sure they are okay and doing well. Here’s what to look for if you notice a change for the negative in your loved ones:

Change In Physical Appearance: Depression can rob you of many things, not the least your physical vitality. If you’ve noticed that your friend lacks their usual vitality, they could be deeply depressed, or even worse, they might be turning to substances to overcome their issues. This never works in the short or long term, but is a tempting process for someone who feels that they have no escape.

Communicating your concerns can be difficult to approach in these circumstances without seeming hostile. Living with a prescription addict can be even worse, because they can often get a sanctified, legal way to obtain their habitual maladies. To overcome these issues, try and help them get help through any means necessary. Inform their GP and family. Be there for them. If you have to, organize some form of stay-in recovery. Depression culminates in many ways, and people take it differently depending on their personality. Another sign to look out for is:

Withdrawing From Social Life: Withdrawing from standard social discourse is a good sign that tells you that someone isn’t functioning at 100%. Another sign is keeping an odd schedule, such as replying to your messages on social media at the early hours of the morning. A symptom of depression is late sleeping and late rising, so be sure to look out for this. Even introverted people need social contact, so complete withdrawal, especially if said person used to be social, can be taken in a number of ways.

Communicate clearly to the person that you harbor no ill-will for them limiting themselves or withdrawing, but let them know that you are worried about them. Never stop inviting them to places. Consider doing activities inside with just the two of you. Try and open up conversation as much as possible without being annoying. See what you can do to be present. Even if they don’t show it, they’ll likely need you far more than you think.

Sometimes, the best remedy as a friend is your simple presence. However, sometimes it requires more than that. Be sure to identify which one will be more helpful and take further action when needed. What matters is your observation and your willingness to help your friend through thick and thin.

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A Parents And Teacher’s Guide To Teenage Depression

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A Parents And Teacher’s Guide To Teenage Depression

As a parent or teacher, we know that it is normal for teenagers to be moody and sullen. However, it is important to understand when this becomes something more serious. It is a sad fact that the suicide rate in young people is growing, so as a concerned adult you need to recognize the symptoms of depression and understand the pressures your children might be facing.

It may be that you already work in the field of mental health, are considering a career in doing so, or taking one of the masters in clinical mental health counseling programs. Parents, teachers, and counselors are on the front line when it comes to caring for children, and it is vitally important that you know how to help when they are suffering inside. Depression sucks, and here’s a few of the reasons of what might be causing it in your children, students, or friends:

Causes of Depression: Medically speaking, there is still no real evidence as to what causes depression. Genetics may play a part, as is a chemical imbalance in the brain. For the teenager, there are certain factors that can contribute. These include:

Self-Image: Every day, children are bombarded with messages from the media, peers, and social networking on how they should look, feel, and conform. Many young people suffer from body issues when they unrealistically compare themselves to the airbrushed models in magazines and online. If they are not the right weight or don’t have the right clothing, this can be a great source of stress for the teenager, especially when they face bullying because of it.

School: We all know how hard school can be (as if we needed reminding!). It is supposed to be a place of learning and growth, however, for some young people, the only knowledge they are getting is that they are not good enough. Fitting in with peers, broken relationships, dealing with too much homework, studying for tests and exams, and preparing for colleges can add a huge amount of stress into your child’s life.

Bullying is a major issue that can affect children physically and mentally. With the rise of social media, so much bullying is done online, with vile private messages and the posting of personal pictures, which the child has no control over. This can give off the illusion of nowhere being safe for the child.

What can you do? For starters, be there to offer support. They may not tell you how they are feeling, but encourage them to talk when appropriate. Symptoms of depression include moodiness, withdrawal from family and friends, lack of passion in things that they normally enjoyed doing, and mood swings. Some of these are normal for a teenager as their bodies change, but they could also be warning signs.

When you talk to your child or student, be open and listen to what they have to say. Do not judge or say something glib, such as ‘snap out of it’ (smh!!). Share your concerns with a doctor and other mental health professionals to ensure that the child receives the help that they need to get them back on track and smiling again.

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Weekend Off

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Weekend Off

Hiii everyone and happy weekend! I hope all of you are having a wonderful and relaxing time and are up to a lot of fun. Unfortunately, things in the world of Lil Red are not going so hot right now so I’ll be MIA for the weekend to be depressed and miserable. -__-

I do have one nice thing to look forward to today though! My Special Olympic figure skaters who I’ve been coaching are having a performance at a skating rink in my neck of the woods this morning. A sensory friendly winter fest will be happening and it should be a lot of fun! I can’t wait to have some proud mama moments when I see my skaters perform their routines that we’ve been working so hard on! So there’s that. 🙂

Asides from that, I’m just really not feeling my life right now. So, if you need me you know where to find me via comments, email, or Facebook. But fear not, I’ll be back with you for the Monday Update soon! Does anyone participate in any winter sports? Who has some big weekend plans? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

sweet

^^^ Thanks, Sweet Brown. ❤

Monday Update: Mehhh Edition

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Monday Update: Mehhh Edition

Heyyy everyone and happy Memorial Day! (Warning: This post contains references to eating disorders – if that makes you uncomfortable feel free not to read!)

So I’ve been having an admittedly rough time with food lately. I’ve been restricting a lot and the worst part is, is that it doesn’t really bother me…which isn’t good at all. It’s so bad how it’s almost fun to me to see how long I can go without having a bite to eat. During the day I’ll drink at least one glass of a beverage with calories in it like lemonade or orange juice so I can get some sugar in me, but other than that I feel like I’ve put myself back on the “no meal a day” diet – along with a lot of cigarettes. I feel like this struggle would bother me a lot more if I wasn’t seeing visible physical changes every day that I go without food…more prominent collarbones, protruding hip bones – I straight up revel in the pleasure I get from looking in the mirror and seeing something other than fat. During my years of being bulimic, I always told myself that I could never dabble in anorexic behaviors because I didn’t have the will power to do it. But now that I have achieved going days in a row without eating it’s almost like I’ve gained a new skill which is weirdly exciting to me. I remember when the celebrity Meghan Trainer got a lot of backlash for saying that she wasn’t “strong enough” to be anorexic – and she’s right…it’s not a weak mans disorder, so the fact that I have the mental strength that some people just don’t have makes me feel good. Yesterday when I got home in the evening I told myself I would eat, but the thought of eating was disgusting to me and I lost my appetite. I’m one of those people who physically can’t eat if I’m not hungry – I just can’t do it, so when I got home and my appetite was completely gone, I saw no point in making myself eat. Anorexia was always an appealing disorder to me during my extreme cutting and bulimic stages because it was something that no one else would really notice. Losing weight is a good thing to most people, so the disorder could go unrecognized as opposed to the obvious slashed wrists or retching in the bathroom. You guys are probably reading this and thinking about how “crazy” I am and yada yada yada – and I know I’m not making the best choices for myself…But unfortunately, I find joy in these poor decisions which makes it even harder to stop. I know I keep saying that I should go to therapy, but it’s just so unappealing to me. I’m not interested in digging up my past for the millionth time with a different therapist out of the countless ones that I’ve seen before. It really is a cycle of complete misfortune, jumping from one method of self harm to the next – but I just haven’t the faintest idea on what to do when I feel like nothing but beating myself up makes me feel better. Ugh, sorry guys that was so heavy but I really needed to vent…I always find it easy to be super open with my thoughts, struggles, and the way I’m feeling – but it was especially easy typing this considering my iTunes has been playing the most emo music in my collection on shuffle for the past half hour. Lol, shameful.

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I hope all of you guys are having a fabulous Memorial Day! Do you have any exciting plans for the day? How was everyone’s weekend? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

What Nobody Tells You (You, Me, & an Eating Disorder Makes Three)

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What Nobody Tells You (You, Me, & an Eating Disorder Makes Three)

Warning: This post contains references to eating disorders (as clearly stated in the title), if that makes you uncomfortable then don’t read it!

Hey there everyone and happy Hump Day! So I got a lot of really positive feedback from a bunch of people about my post What Nobody Tells You (A Self Harm Story), so I figured why not make an eating disorder edition as well. As most of you know already, I was an avid bulimic for over three years. I haven’t had a slip up in quite some time, but that doesn’t change the fact that purging crosses my mind constantly. There were so many things that I wish people would have told me before I started a downward spiral into an eating disorder, but I had to learn all of it on my own. So consider this post a battle tactic of me trying to scare any of you who are considering bulimia out of it – because it truly is a life ruiner. If someone would have told me everything I’m about to tell you, maybe my situation today would be a lot different. Nobody told me that my fingers would prune after twenty minutes of being shoved down my throat. Nobody told me that the smell of vomit would linger on my fingers if I didn’t pull them out if my mouth in time. Nobody told me how completely unglamorous bulimia was. It’s not a “super model” disorder by any means. There’s nothing beautiful about your back cowering over a toilet with a tear streaked face. There’s nothing sexy about yellow teeth and remnants of puke around your lips. Nobody ever told me that the sound of retching could be heard over the shower tap running, causing my mom to have to monitor my showers and when I used the restroom. Having your mom standing sentinel outside the bathroom door so you don’t puke your brains out is the polar opposite of living glamorously. No one told me that the dentist would be able to tell I was bulimic by the acid erosion on my teeth. No one told me that getting x-rays on my throat is recommended because I could be giving myself cancer of the esophagus. No one ever told me that all of the pleasure of eating would be wiped out completely once you sold your soul to throwing up after every meal. No one told me that constant acid reflux would leave my breath smelling like vomit all day. And most importantly, no one ever told me that my eating disorder would become an entirely separate entity. It controlled everything. What I ate, when I ate, who I ate around, absolutely no eating in public, how long I should puke for, how much I should try to puke out – the cycle was never ending. My eating disorder was a cruel, sick dictator who left me feeling worthless and disgusting and filled my mind with thoughts of purging as soon as food touched my lips. I wish I could say that I don’t think about vomiting a lot, but I do. Just like I mentioned with cutting, bulimia is something that I’m going to have to carry with me for my entire life. And just like cutting, it fucking sucks.

If you still feel the urge to purge even after reading my tidbits of what I personally learned from a long struggle with bulimia, then please also remember: Being bulimic can cause so many different types of cancer – the stomach, esophagus, and mouth just to name a few – so keep that in mind if you’re so much as considering starting a life altering and ultimately life shattering disorder.

Like I said earlier, I haven’t had any instances of bulimia for a while, which I am so thankful for. And please remember that I’m always here to talk if you need it and I urge you to get help with your destructive struggles from a friend or professional. Have a wonderful day! Much love. -Sarah

What Nobody Tells You (A Self Harm Story)

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What Nobody Tells You (A Self Harm Story)

Warning: This post contains references to self harm, if it makes you uncomfortable – don’t read it!

As you guys know, I had a slip up this past week in my self harm sobriety. I realized that during quite a few of my posts I may have glamorized cutting in terms of the way it feels – referring to it as euphoric, heavenly, ect. And yes, it does feel that way to me, but there’s nothing glamorous by any means about it – or what you feel after the deed is done. I’ve seen countless posts and articles online that only discuss how cutting feels during the act of it, but nothing really mentions how you feel after. So let this post be a battle tactic for me to try and scare some of you guys out of even considering self harm for a second. Some people may think that self harm is a quick fix to all of your stressers, but the aftermath is only going to add on to your turmoil ten fold. No one tells you how the first shower you take after you cut burns your injuries like a thousand suns. No one tells you that when you dry your body off afterwards you have to be careful not to get any fibers from the towel in your wounds. No one tells you that your cuts remain an unsightly, infected red for days on end. No one told me that my skin around my incisions was going to get dry as it regenerates and flake off every time I touch it. No one ever told me that the waiting game for how long it will take your cuts to heal goes on for weeks on end. It’s been six days and I still have to disguise my arm with long sleeve shirts, hoodies, and jackets in the middle of spring. No one ever told me that wearing too many bracelets on your hurt wrist was a dead give away that you indulge in self harm – because no matter how hard you try to cover your cuts up, there’s always going to be just a little bit of a hardened scab showing through the beads. But most importantly, no one ever told me and probably has never told you about the looks of disappointment you get from loved ones if they happen to catch a glimpse of your war wounds. There’s nothing that makes me feel lower.

Feeling like you still might want to try to hurt yourself? Let me continue…

No one ever EVER tells you that one single cut can result in a lifetime of addiction. I started cutting when I was eleven or twelve and here I am almost nine years later still struggling. DO NOT end up like me – a twenty something who still fantasizes about hurting herself every time a major problem occurs. Because believe me, ten seconds of heaven is so not worth a constant every day struggle. It fucking sucks. I’ve had people ask me how I’m so comfortable being so open about my own personal situation on the world wide web, and if you’re asking that question about this particular post, then here’s my answer: I wish that someone told me everything that I mentioned above before I self harmed for the first time. Maybe then my situation today would be a lot different.

I hope all of you guys are having a fabulous Tuesday. If you’re struggling with anything at all, I urge you to confide in someone immediately. I’m starting up in therapy again soon and I’m pretty excited – but any confidant will do! And just know that I’m always, always here if you need someone to talk to! Much love. -Sarah

Melancholy Monday

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Melancholy Monday

Heyyyyyyyyy. So last night I was reading through my psychology book for school, and the statement “misery loves company” was discussed. Well I don’t know about you guys, but that phrase couldn’t be any less true for me. I’ve had a rough past few days, and honestly I’ve just wanted to be alone. Sometimes you really just need to lay in your bed, listen to some angry music, cry if need be, and keep to yourself. I know I wrote yesterday that I just need one more day of being bummed out, but apparently that was a lie – so just bear with me for one more day of being pissy and then I promise I’ll be back to normal!! You have the Lil Red Guarantee. Anyways, while reading through my psych text book, I began thinking more in depth about my feelings and the way I handle them and blah, blah, blah. I came to the realization that I would rather be upset from things that I’ve caused myself then be upset by an issue with another person. When I held myself accountable for this truth, it all just made so much sense. For as long as I can remember, I’ve pushed people away who have upset me in the slightest, and it’s not healthy at all but it’s just how I’ve always been. In terms of my self harm/bulimia when it happens on a rare occasion, I’d rather myself be doing it because of me – rather than someone else making me upset. Does that make sense? Let me see if I can word it better… I guess it comes down to control. I’d rather be in control of all of my emotions – the good, the bad, and the ugly (which happens to be a great Clint Eastwood film 😉 ) as opposed to having someone bring those feelings onto me. It’s such a foreign thing for me, to have someone else make me feel really really happy or like complete shit. I probably sound like such an introvert right now, but the funny thing is is that I’m one of the most outgoing and fun loving people I know. I suppose it’s when I’m left with just myself that things become different. It’s no secret that I haven’t always loved myself as much as I could have. It’s also no secret that on occasion I’m very unhappy with who I am as a person. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had people tell me that they wish I could see myself through their eyes and whatnot, and I wish I could too. But until the moment comes when I’m 100% happy with myself I have to continue to strive for improvement. There’s a lot of things that I can work on, like letting people in even if it’s scary and ending self destructive thought patterns. Saying that I’m my own worst critic is an understatement – I can be such a bitch to myself. Think back to my New Years Resolutions post when I said that I need to work on being my own best friend…unfortunately that resolution isn’t going too hot right now, so I need to get back on the horse and try again. If at first you don’t succeed – try again and whatever, right? So here I am now, drinking coffee from my beloved red mug and thinking about what I can do to get this improvement party started. I guess I can begin with writing some positive affirmations down somewhere where I can see them, like in my school planner and notebook. I can do something nice for myself, which I will be doing this Thursday when I can my nails done – HOLLA because they’re looking a hot ass wreck. I can work on turning my negative thoughts around, no matter how much I don’t believe it. Fake it till you make it, right? It would be nice to think “you’re a fucking rock star” as opposed to “you’re a fucking loser” for a change. So what am I waiting for? Let’s do this. Operation “Be My Own Best Friend” AKA BMOBF is a go once again. Wish me luck!

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Alright guys, mama needs some help getting hyped for this new challenge. So what I need from you is to leave me something that gets you hyped up in my comments. This can be a book, song, movie, piece of art – anything that gets you amped. I wanna hear from all of you so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah