Heyyy there everyone and welcome to the synopsis of the third episode of American Horror Story: Hotel, simply entitled, “Mommy”. We were introduced to a new character and witnessed a few deaths at the Cortez tonight so let’s discuss from the very beginning:

High fives for killing: “Mommy” begins with Tristan seeking out James March in the room he stumbled into during last week’s episode. He offers March his gratitude and a raised hand in the air, “you’re right man, killing is awesome”! March is quite pleased with this and tells Tristan that his “murder palace” hasn’t been put to good use in years. While this discussion among new friends is taking place, Will Drake enters the room with Claudia, discussing plans on tearing up the floor containing March’s meeting room. Lucky for Mr. March, Tristan is on the case with his mind on murder and murder on his mind. #REDRUM

Family drama at Chateau De Lowe: In this week’s episode we learn more about John’s lovely wife, Alex. There is a touching sequence in which she explains her career, saying how she wanted to save other people’s children but never bear her own. However, these feelings of indifference changed once little Holden came along. “I finally fell in love for real after having Holden” she swoons. Life was looking good for Mr. and Mrs. Lowe until their son got kidnapped (#obviously). We then view a scene of Alex’s suicide attempt where she lays in a bathtub overflowing with bloody water and her wrists slit wide open.

We then witness a family therapy session at the Lowe residence where Alex explains her anger towards Scarlett and her story of seeing Holden. With tension at an all time high, Alex visits her husband at the Cortez with divorce papers in hand. When Alex attempts to leave John has a mini-breakdown and expresses his fear that he’s going crazy. Alex accompanies him to his room where she puts him to bed, they have a little hanky-panky, John suggests they have another baby, and Alex leaves promptly. Once Alex is in the hallway she has visions of a woman recently killed and in all of her confused running around, stumbles upon Holden. She approaches the little boy who is staring at the ground, lifts his chin up, and hears her son speak for the first time in over a year – “Hi, mommy”.

RIP, we just killed the Claudia: Naomi Campbell’s AHS debut was short lived because she got the axe on this episode. Remember the junkie who Sally sewed into a mattress during the season premiere? Yeah, me either. ANYWAYS, the said junkie emerged from the mattress that Miss Claudia laid her perfect body on, did a little stabbing, and that – as they say, is that. The young man runs from the scene of the crime and into John’s arms begging for help. He is rushed to the hospital and the doctors agree that his frenzied and frazzled state is compliments of withdrawals. We also learn in his dying breaths that the mattress man thought Claudia was Sally whom he had the intention of killing. “She said I would be free”…#LIAR

The Countess AKA GOLD DIGGER: Once Tristan takes it upon himself to murder Will Drake to prevent the renovation of the hotel, he decides to break into his room to seduce him and then kill him mid-bang. This would be murder was prevented by the Countess, however, who shook her head “no” as soon as Tristan pulled out his knife. Later on, we find the Countess attempting to convert Mr. Drake to Gagaism, which Tristan interrupts – much to his displeasure. The Countess then takes Tristan to have a little chat in which she reveals to him that she’s not as rich as he thinks. According to the vampiress, all of her money was lost thanks to Bernie Madoff (#asshole). “Will Drake can’t die until after I marry him and take every goddamn penny”…Well, goddamn.

Bitter Donovan is BITTER: Poor ol’ Donovan is down on his luck this episode. He just got dumped, he hates his mother, hates himself, and is bitter at the world. In tonight’s episode you’ll find that Donovan has a lot of built up anger against his mother dearest, Iris. He exits the premises of the Cortez and into the streets to drink the blood of junkies and brood in solitude…And then, thanks to the poor choice of trying to kill the “Slaughter Sister” herself, he winds up in the trunk of the car of a new character.

Ramona Royal (Angela Bassett): In tonight’s episode we’re introduced to Ramona Royal, played by the fabulous Angela Bassett. Miss Royal was the queen bee of B-list movies who wanted nothing more than to be considered a “serious” actress. Over dinner with a fancy producer, the Countess approaches their table and makes the producer leave just by looking at him. We then see some good ol’ Ebony and Ivory action because apparently Lady Gaga only signed up for sex scenes this season. The ladies fell in love with each other and Royal got turned soon after, which she describes as “glorious”. The years go by and everything is going just dandy for a while until a new love interest enters the scene. “There was nothing I couldn’t be…except hers forever”.

Ramona Royal found love in a hopeless place with a not as good as Tupac rapper of the 90’s. Royal decides that she wants to be with him for forever and proceeds to turn him in a recording studio. After the deed is done the new couple enters the main room of the studio to find all of the workers dead with a tear streaked Countess in the producers chair. The Countess shoots Royal’s new man in the head and a grudge between the two vampires begins.

So what does Royal want with Donovan?: So glad you asked! Now that Royal has Donovan in her clutches she tells the Countess’s former lover about her desire for revenge. This sort of revenge requires someone with inside access to the Cortez, however, because Royal wants the Countess’s kidnapped vampire children. #SNAP

So what does Donovan do?: Nothing, really. Donovan is told to leave once Royal finds out that he got his bitch ass dumped. So back he goes to the Cortez with his tail between his legs and a mother who is now suicidal thanks to his harsh words. Iris enlists the help of Sally to off herself once she decides that she can take no more of life as “being the joke”. Sally doles her out a hefty OD of heroin which to her surprise doesn’t kill her. So, Sally goes to Plan B…suffocating Iris with a plastic bag held in place over her head with a belt. Lucky for Donovan, after a pep talk with Cleo at the bar, he finds Iris just in the knick of time…Dead, but not dead enough to not be turned. He cuts his wrist, holds his blood to his mothers mouth, and brings her back to life as a vampire. #CountessChocula

So there you have it, the Cliff Notes version of the newest episode of American Horror Story: Hotel “Mommy”. What did everyone think of tonight’s episode? Who is your favorite character in the hotel thus far? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah