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Monday Update: Ain’t That A Kick In The Head Edition

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Monday Update: Ain’t That A Kick In The Head Edition

Hellooo everyone and happy Monday! Unfortunately, I didn’t have the best of weekends because Lil Red suffered from a concussion on Thursday night. Homegirl was not feeling too hot thanks to the most random head injury of all time and now I’m here to tell you all about it! Let’s discuss:

One thing about me is that I sleep like the dead. I usually stay in the same position all night and am completely out like a light once I’m asleep. But on Thursday night, my body decided to do a switch up on me and make me the biggest roley poley of all time in my sleep. I think it might have had something to do with the dream that I was having…

I dreamt that I was in an enchanted Walmart where everything in the store was HUGE – we’re talking gigantic! I was running around throughout the store trying to rescue all of the silly minions from Despicable Me who were captured by Kathy Bates? Haha, yeah, Kathy made a cameo in my dream, too. She was in character as Iris from American Horror Story: Hotel and she was some sort of evil sorceress who kidnapped all of the minions, so it was up to me to return them to Gru, their rightful owner. Things were intense in my dream – I did more physical activity in it than I’ve ever done in my entire life! I was starting to get the hang of it until…

SMACK! CRACK! POW!

I woke up from my head whacking the arm rest of my bedside chair while I was rolling off of my bed. (I must have been rolling under an obstacle in my dream!) The chair by my bed is nice and comfy in the middle but the arm rests are hard as hell and once my head smacked it at full force I was jolted awake. I found myself on my bedroom floor in a sea of blankets and a world of pain. I got myself up to go to the bathroom and assess the situation and as soon as I started walking I knew that something was wrong because I was so dizzy I could barely make my way down the hall. I vividly remember thinking to myself “I wonder if I have a concussion” and then I found my way back to my bed and fell asleep.

On Friday morning I woke up with a pounding in my head that felt like I was getting hit with a hammer. I went to the bathroom and from just the short walk to the loo and back to my room I felt so faint and lightheaded that I had to get myself back in bed. My vision was blurred and it kept going dark and hazy and my stomach felt nauseous. I called my mom who is a doctor to tell her what happened as well as my suspicions that it was a concussion and she told me that I was probably right. Then I consulted Dr. Web MD and my symptoms matched a lot of the ones that were listed as well. Great. -__-

I was officially concussed and was ordered by my mom and Web MD to stay in bed because rest is the best thing that you can do for a concussion. Most of my weekend was spent laying around feeling like ass and also feeling sorry for myself. I got my injury in the strangest way and it left me with symptoms that felt almost flu-like. It was the antithesis of fun and head injuries are NO JOKE. I was so shocked by how awful one blow to the head left me feeling. I guess I’m going to start sleeping in a crib from now on to prevent any further instances of rolling off of my bed! Haha, #FML.

So there you have it, this week’s Monday Update: Ain’t That A Kick In The Head Edition. Thankfully, I’m feeling much better, but Lil Red was definitely hurtin’ these past few days! What was everyone up to this weekend? Anything exciting? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

minions!

American Horror Story: Hotel “Room Service”

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American Horror Story: Hotel “Room Service”

Hello everyone! Tonight’s episode of American Horror Story: Hotel entitled “Room Service” was excellent! A lot of craziness went down and we gained some new intel on our lovely cast of characters to boot! Let’s waste no time and get started:

The measles mishap: “Room Service” begins in the hospital where the newly turned Alex is a doctor. This season we tagged along as she cared for one of her patients who contracted measles because his mother didn’t vaccinate him. The boy, named Max, appears to be in bleak condition and Alex urges his mother to go get some rest. In the mean time, a weak and blood thirsty lady-vamp goes to the blood supply storage room to drink up and draw some blood of her own. She then tries an unconventional method of curing her young patient by ejecting her blood into his IV. As soon as the blood enters his body his heart rate skyrockets and he begins to convulse…

But fear not! The next morning Alex enters Max’s room to find his bed empty. The boy then comes running in and appears to be good as new. She gives Max’s mother the all clear for him to go home and all is well…until he ends up killing his parents while wearing a pirate costume. #trickortreat

When vampire children attack: After young Max drinks his fill of his parents’ blood he hops on the bus and goes to school to enjoy some Halloween fun. As soon as Max is at school his buzzkill of a teacher reprimands him for having a weapon as part of his costume, a plastic pirate sword, and confiscates it. Max is a tricky little devil though and shows his friend Madeline a real knife he has hidden in his boot. Max then leads Madi into a closet for some chatting and a little k-i-s-s-i-n-g and he ends up biting the girl’s lip. She immediately pulls away in pain and then Max bites his own lip and tells her that “we’re even” and kisses her again so their blood can mingle. #happyhalloween

After the Halloween party at the grade school comes to an end the day’s lessons begin and the teacher finds that Max and Madi’s chairs are empty. She asks her students where they could be and they all laugh and point to the closet. The teacher enters the vampires’ hideaway and as soon as she comes in Max slits her throat and urges Madi to drink her blood. This is when all hell breaks loose. The other students begin getting turned and a little boy ends up falling into the hallway which alerts another teacher. The man enters the room to see what’s going on and Max ends up cutting him too and encourages all of his classmates to drink his blood. “Drink it. It will make you feel AWESOME!” …Well, you didn’t have to tell me twice. #imsold

The teacher whom the kids have all swarmed upon like lions at a gazelle carcass (imagery!) manages to escape and runs to the front office and the school goes on lock down immediately. The SWAT team arrives to find the bodies of teachers strewn across the floor and a bunch of traumatized looking students. Once they clear the building the bloodied kids exit and find their parents. As the detectives begin to speak with them they all tell a similar story of a large masked man who attacked them. These vampirelings be crafty and SHAMEFUL!!

A very Ramona visit: Our last encounter with Ramona Royal ended with her telling Donovan that he was useless to her because he was no longer close to the Countess. But now, Donovan thinks otherwise thanks to his newly turned mom and manager of the Cortez, Iris. He offers his mother to Ramona because she is the best bet they have at taking the Countess down, which Donovan now wants desperately. Ramona is a fan of the plan – “you’re reckless. I like that” she says to her new partner in crime and Operation Take Countess Down is a go! Yeah!

Iris + Cleo = BFFs: Some beautiful bonding between Iris and the fabulous Cleo happens in “Room Service” which was such a joy to watch. As soon as Iris returns from Royal’s, Cleo can tell that something is up. Iris insists that she just needs to get some sleep but Cleo takes her to the bar and pours her some blood into a martini glass…Cleo knows all. After Iris drinks up, the most obnoxiously rude, asshole, hipster couple wants to check in to the Cortez. And when I say that they’re awful, I mean they are aw-ful. They’re the type of hipsters that make me hate all hipsters and they do a fantastic job of pushing all of Iris’s buttons.

After a phone call to the front desk from the couple requesting a food order leaves Iris in tears, Cleo comes to the rescue. “What did they want?” he asks her. Mid-sob Iris replies, “they want pate” cry, cry, cry, cry, cry. Cleo and Iris then head into the kitchen to create some pate magic compliments of the Cortez and cat food and share in a glorious heart to heart about Cleo’s back story.

denis

The life of Liz Taylor: We learn that Cleo, originally Nick Pryer, was a married man who wed his wife because they wore the same dress size and she married him because there was no one else. They had a son together and Nick worked as a medical rep whose responsibility was to shmooze with the doctors during nights on the town. During a trip, Nick and his coworkers ended up staying at the Cortez. That night, the associates went out to a strip club while Nick opted for a night in playing dress up. We see Nick trying on a slip, heels, and fur coat and he gushes that he was “trannnnnnnsformed”. #loveit

In celebration, Nick ordered a bottle of champagne and once he turned to reenter his room, the Countess was standing in front of him clear as day. She tells him that she was watching him as soon as he entered the hotel. “You look like a man and walk like a man but you smell like a woman” she told him. Nick begins to cry, “you’re so beautiful” he sobs. The Countess asks him why he cries to which Nick answers, “I feel ugly”. A riveting pep talk from the Countess follows and she encourages him to “become who you were born to be…a goddess”. #bornthisway

Nick becomes the Countess’ living doll and she gives him the makeover of a life time. She shaves his head, applies makeup and jewelry, and dubs him “Liz Taylor”. Once the transformation is complete she urges Liz to join her for a night on the town but he tells her that he’s not ready. “Goddesses don’t speak in whispers” she tells him, “they scream”. So for a start, Liz goes down the hall to get some more ice and as he returns to his room he runs into his coworkers who call him a “faggot” and threaten him with telling his wife and everyone at the office. The Countess then steps in and promptly slits both of their throats. #BYE

Liz never got turned by the Countess but instead got hired by her and now works as a drifter through the hotel. You can find Cleo at the bar, front desk, or just roaming the halls looking amazing but one thing is for sure…Denis O’Hare is perfection! Tune in to my opinions post on Friday for more on that! 🙂

#byehipsters: Iris comes knocking on the couple’s door with a delivery cart of cat food pate and red wine. After more disrespectful harassment from the guests, Iris ends up killing them both and drinking their blood. After Iris’ kill, she wheels off the bodies to the chute that goes all the way down to the basement with Cleo’s help. She tells her new friend that she feels like a changed woman and that she “never knew how to live until she died”. After the bodies are disposed of, they enjoy the red wine off of the couples’ cart and clink their glasses to a job well done. #waytogo

John Lowe, you’re fired: After John’s disturbing evening as a guest of James March’s Devil’s Night Soiree, we find him talking about the events with his superior. He tells him that he thinks he found a copycat cult that reenacts famous murders and that he believes that March is the Ten Commandments Killer. Lowe’s superior does not seem to be enthused about these findings, however, and reminds him of the psychiatric breakdown that occurred after Holden was kidnapped. This does nothing to add to John Lowe’s increasingly shitty reputation and he ends up getting fired. #suckstosuck John also learns after he wakes up next to Sally that they had some super rough hanky-panky judging by the scratches that he’s covered with and he doesn’t remember a thing. #suckstosuckagain

fired

Alex’s new job: “Room Service” ends with Alex receiving a description of her new job from the Countess. She is to act as the governess to her vampire children and live a life of loyalty to her. “Mommy, you’re just like me now”, Holden tells her. Alex then puts her little boy to bed in his coffin and climbs in with him for some sleepy time snuggles. #socute

So there you have it, the synopsis of the newest episode of American Horror Story: Hotel “Room Service”. How did everyone feel about tonight’s episode? Who loved Cleo’s back story? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

American Horror Story: Hotel “Chutes and Ladders”

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American Horror Story: Hotel “Chutes and Ladders”

Hey there everyone and welcome to the synopsis of the second episode of American Horror Story: Hotel “Chutes and Ladders”. Sorry this post didn’t come to you earlier but with the episode being an hour and forty minutes long, I was so ready for bed by the time it was done! We were introduced to quite a few new characters and learned some new intel on some of the residents of the Cortez whom we met during the season premiere, so let’s discuss:

Claudia Bankson (Naomi Campbell): Thanks to a fashion show party that Will Drake put on at the Cortez, we got to meet Claudia Bankson – a big wig magazine editor who has an eye on John Lowe…don’t we all? That’s about all we know so far on Miss Bankson so we’ll have to stay tuned for more on this fashionista.

Tristan (Finn Wittrock): The Will Drake fashion show introduced us to my dearly beloved Finn Wittrock, who plays Tristan, the edgy male model with a passion for coke and the seductive Countess. During the fashion show, a doped up Tristan acts out on the runway which results in a tussle with an audience member. As he struts his stuff, he locks eyes on The Countess and he impregnates her with his gaze…Just kidding, but they definitely had eye sex. ANYWAYS, a furious Will Drake enters the backstage area to scold Tristan, but he just ends up taking a knife and cutting his own cheek and says that he’s done modeling. Afterwards, he goes on a little jaunt through the Cortez and breaks into The Countess’s room in search of coke and some hanky panky.

Tristan gets caught shortly after he enters the room by The Countess’s lover, Donovan. Tristan gets a good old fashion ass whooping and is about to be strangled when The Countess walks in and prevents Donovan from doing so. Terrified, Tristan runs out of the room and into the elevator where he gets stuck on the seventh floor. He pulls apart the elevator doors and runs down the hall and straight into a room with the creator of the Cortez, James Patrick March (Evan Peters).

James Patrick March (Evan Peters): We meet Mr. March thanks to Tristan stumbling upon him after his encounter with Donovan. Our first scene with March is a friendly one, in which he encourages Tristan to shoot a prostitute dead. The hooker is provided by the maid, Miss Evers (Mare Winningham). When Tristan refuses, March shoots the girl himself, and Tristan evacuates the room. The following information that we learned about James March is from a chat at the bar that John Lowe has with Iris:

According to Iris, James Patrick March “put every atom of evil in his being into building this hotel” in 1925. The Cortez is “a perfectly designed torture chamber” thanks to the secret hallways, chutes leading to a basement to hold dead bodies, and a willing maid to clean up all of the messes (with her “secret ingredient – love”). We see a montage of the Cortez being built and lots of murders committed by James March, some of them in the company of his wife whose face is not shown but I’m assuming is The Countess. ANYWHO, we continue to see the suave serial killer do his thang and sometimes do his victims until we learn of his demise. A sloppy mistake of leaving a napkin from the hotel with the initials JPM at a crime scene points directly to March as the murderer. Miss Evers enters March’s room to tell him the police are at the hotel and then March kills Miss Evers with a gun at her request and then slits his own throat. Some people think that March’s wife turned on him, despite his incriminating sloppiness, to inherit his vast fortune. CRAZY STUFF!

Miss Evers (Mare Winningham): Our story of the Cortez taught us a lot about the dedicated maid, Miss Evers, but it also confirmed the suspicion that her, as well as James March, are dead.

ahsh

So what else did we learn this episode?

Scarlett finds out that Holden is still alive: During the fashion show, Will Drakes son, Glocklin, takes Scarlett on an adventure through the Cortez. He takes her to a secret room that contains the coffins of the sleeping vampire children, one of which contains the cute as can be Holden. Scarlett returns to the hotel after sneaking away from the cop assigned to keep an eye on her and finds the playroom of the vampire kids.

Holden is the only little one in the room and he adorably says “Scah-lett” when his sister asks if he knows who she is. She shows Holden family pictures and her little brother recognizes that Scarlett looks different to which she replies, “I grew up, why didn’t you?” Scarlett says “let’s go home” and her brother refuses, “I am home. I like it here. You can come and visit whenever you want”. Big sis Scarlett attempts to take a picture with her little brother and he tries to bite her. Scar gets scared and runs out of the room and straight into the arms of Sally with a mouth full of blood and her teeth falling out. When Scarlett makes her way back home, her house is swarming with police because she has been gone for five hours. She tells her parents she saw Holden, which deeply upsets them, she then shows her dad the picture she took that has her smiling face and Holden who shows up as a blonde blur.

Tristan gets turned: Once Tristan exits the room with James March, he ends up in an elevator with The Countess. She turns Tristan and then they have a wild night of banging and heart to hearts. We find out that The Countess was born in 1904 and that she was a big fan of the late 70’s, “I was the disco queen. I still am” she says. Her romp with Tristan is interrupted when Donovan enters the room. She asks Tristan to give them some privacy and then she kicks Donovan out and urges him to pack up his stuff. SHE’S SO COLD!!! The end of “Chutes and Ladders” is compliments of The Countess and Tristan as she flicks her bean to her new beau drinking the blood of his first kill. With a blood soaked face he kisses the vampiress and says, “I need more”.

John Lowe fun facts: We find out that Lowe is a recovering alcoholic AND he’s staying in the room that served as James March’s office…Room 64. DUN DUN DUNNNNN. Lowe also begins to investigate the serial killings of James March and discovers that a lot of them were in fashion of the Ten Commandments. He hated “religion and regulations” Iris stated. He then looks further into the murders happening currently that are similar in fashion and realizes that the person he’s hunting after could be a copycat killer.

“Skinny jeans are out, ponchos are in, fringe is forever.” -Cleopatra

So there you have it, this week’s episode review of American Horror Story: Hotel “Chutes and Ladders”. What did everyone think of the newest episode? How do you feel about the new characters that were introduced? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

American Horror Story: Hotel “Checking In”

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American Horror Story: Hotel “Checking In”

Alright guys, as promised here’s my review and synopsis of the season premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel with the episode, “Checking In”. I think the best way to go about discussing the premiere is simply by introducing the characters who we had the pleasure of meeting tonight and outlining their role so far in the hotel. There were a lot of things that I liked and of course things that I didn’t care for, so let’s get to it:

Agie & Vandela: “Checking In” starts with the arrival of two twenty-something German girls who are in California to vacation at Universal Studios. However, as soon as they walk into the Cortez they instantly get the creeps and are put off by the fact that it’s farther away than expected to all of their vacation destinations. They ask Iris (Kathy Bates) if they could have a refund on their deposit to which she responds with a firm “no”. The girls are forced to stay in the hotel for the night but unfortunately they won’t even make it until then. In their hotel room Vandela and Agie discover a rotten smell which one of them describes as being like a “dead animal”. The girls realize that the smell is coming from the mattress and once they pull back the blankets they find crude stitching going all the way down the middle. They rip it open with scissors and out pops a badly blistered man with white eyes and horse teeth who is contorting and writhing in a most disturbing manner. A complaint to Iris gets the girls a new room and some questionable cleansing methods…

Iris (Kathy Bates): Fan favorite, Kathy Bates, returns this season as Iris, the hotel manager. With a short and brisk attitude we learn that Iris is a pro at covering up all of the dirty secrets of the Cortez. She also has an eye on the handsome John Lowe (Wes Bentley) which comes from the beautiful line she mutters upon meeting him, “woof”. Iris is the mother to the lover of The Countess (Lady Gaga). Her son’s name is Donovan (Matt Bomer) and thanks to a flashback we find out that he was a heroin addict who enjoyed shooting up with Sally (Sarah Paulson). After some stealthy detective work from Iris, she tracks down her doped up son and supplier in a room of the Cortez. Her son appears to be dead or near death and Sally begins to exit the premises only to be followed by Iris and pushed out of a window, falling to her demise. Iris then returns to the room where her son lies to find The Countess lounging beside him on the bed, preparing to turn him and his staggering good looks.

We learn in the premiere that not only is Iris a murderer but she’s also in charge of keeping the blood of the victims who fall to The Countess nice and clean. After Agie and Vandela get a new room from Iris (Room 64) things go all bad. One of the girls is found by the other lying on the bathroom floor with a sweet blonde child cowering over her with a blood soaked mouth. They end up in a chamber trapped in individual metal cages where Iris condemns them for the prescription pills she found in their luggage. She then tries to force the girls to drink a smoothie concocted from oysters, chicken liver, kidneys, and white wine to clean their blood for the consumption of The Countess. What a lady!

Sally (Sarah Paulson): One of my AHS all star favorites has to be Miss Paulson so I was very pleased to hear that she was coming back as a primary player in the Cortez, Sally. Because we know that Iris pushed her out of a window but she’s still somehow alive, I’m assuming that she’s a vampire as well. Sally is a heroin addict who has a soft spot for the captured girls, Vandela and Agie. She releases Vandela and unfortunately she falls right into the clutches of The Countess. In an extremely off putting scene where a doped up young man gets anally raped by a man yielding a spiraled pointed dildo who had latex-like skin, Sally appears. “The more you scream the more he likes it” she warns the stranger. I get the feeling that she has never had anyone in her life that truly loved her considering she begged the victim to “say ‘I love you Sally’ and it will all go away”.

The Countess (Lady Gaga) & Donovan (Matt Bomer): In “Checking In” we are introduced to Donovan and The Countess after a close up on a sign that says “Why aren’t we having sex right now?” The couple is preparing for a night on the town by applying makeup, snorting cocaine, and dressing to the nines. They go to a movie playing at a park where they attract the attention of a young couple. The first major scene to show off Lady Gaga’s acting chops ends up being a full on orgy turned blood bath after her and Donovan slit their throats with their rings with sharp talons attached. The scene closes with the couple lying in the blood of their victims and Donovan says “it’s not the getting ready, it’s the cleaning up” to which The Countess replies, “call housekeeping”. SASSY! I, for one, did not care for that scene at all but that’s just me. We learn that The Countess also has a brood of beautiful blonde haired children whom she’s kidnapped and turned. One of her “children” will definitely be playing an important role in the show, which leads me to discussing his father, John Lowe.

John Lowe (Wes Bentley): John Lowe is a father, husband (to wife, Alex, played by Chloe Sevigny), and detective. He has a daughter named Scarlett and had a young son named Holden. We follow John onto some of the gruesome crime scenes he’s investigating, which I’m assuming are linked to the Ten Commandments Killer. He is a dedicated father though, as we can see when he reads Little Women with his daughter via FaceTime. As he reads to Scarlett he gets a phone call and tells his assistant to take a message. Once he calls the number back we hear a man’s voice on the phone saying that he will be at the Cortez hotel and will kill again. He makes his way over to the hotel and is directed to Room 64 in which he ends up falling asleep and has a vision of his son, Holden, who was kidnapped in 2010. We see a flashback to this moment when the family was at a carnival and John took his son to ride the carousel. He gets Holden safely onto a horse and takes a phone call but when he returns, his boy is no longer there.

A lot of curious incidents happened to John in tonight’s episode like when his sushi dinner with Scarlett was interrupted by a text from his wife’s phone giving an address and saying she needs help. He rushes to the house with Scarlett in the car and leaves her there, telling a cop to keep an eye on her. He ends up in the pitch black home with his daughter following him shortly after. John approaches a man dressed all in black with what appears to be a top hat on his head but then he hears Scarlett scream. He finds her in a room with men hanging from their bed posts with their intestines hanging out of their stomachs. Yum! Due to Alex’s fear that whomever has been contacting her husband will harm their daughter, they both agree that he should go away for a while and the episode ends with John checking into the Cortez in Room 64.

Liz Taylor (Denis O’Hare): Known for his weird as hell characters on AHS, Denis O’Hare returns as cross dresser, Liz Taylor. He pops up everywhere in the hotel – the hallways, behind the front desk, ect. I’m confident that he knows a lot of the hotel’s dark secrets so I’ll be looking forward to the further development of this character!

Will Drake (Cheyenne Jackson): Will Drake is a fashion designer from New York who arrives at the Cortez with his young son and the intention to buy the hotel. His son is befriended by The Countess who asks him if she can show him something he might enjoy. She leads him to a hallway with a trap door that opens into a futuristic room filled with wall length Tetris boards and candy dispensers all being used by her brood of bloodsucking children.

So there you have it, the lowdown on the characters introduced to us on the season premiere of American Horror Story: Hotel. The episode “Checking In” brought us a unique cast of dwellers in the Cortez and an interesting story line so I can’t wait to see what next week’s episode will be like! How did everyone feel about the season premiere? Who loved Lady Gaga’s AHS debut? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah