Heyyy everyone and happy Saturday! So last night I was the epitome of white girl wasted which resulted in some classic drunk girl behavior that was too funny not to share! My friend came over last night for what I thought was going to be some casual drinks on the deck but unfortunately, Lil Red went wayyy too hard. We were sipping on some super delicious mixed drinks that didn’t taste alcoholic in the slightest so I was throwing them back like no other. By the time our festivities were over (AKA when our bottle was done), I was throwing up in the bushes in my backyard. Strike one.
I headed back into my house, which I honestly don’t even remember doing and decided to shove some carbs in my face with the hopes that I would feel better. I grabbed a piece of white bread, a bag full of BBQ chips that were miraculously left on the kitchen table, and a cold enchilada leftover from dinner that I didn’t bother heating up. Within two bites of my fresh from the refrigerator enchilada I had to hurl AGAIN. So I made my way to the bathroom and spent at least ten minutes getting acquainted with the toilet. Strike two. I returned to my food only to run into my hard wooden chair which completely fell over and I went down with it. TIMBERRRRRR. I vividly remember my sloppy self saying “Jesus Christ, Sarah” and then I ate my bread and chips like a champ. I was able to keep the food down, so I guess I figured that it would be a good idea to eat eight coconut fudge cookies in a row and go to bed. Big, BIG mistake.
I’m not sure why I thought that it was necessary to eat so many cookies but I just couldn’t help it – they tasted SO good!! So I take my trashy ass self upstairs with a belly full of cookies, bread, and booze. By the time I got myself undressed (which I’m sure went over like a bullet in the skull), I was feeling very woozy but I thought that it would be in my best interest to just get into bed. Big mistake. Within thirty seconds of laying down, the urge to purge was there in full force so I booked it to the bathroom as fast as my wobbly little legs could take me. I spent lots of quality time with the toilet – apparently vodka and coconut cookies don’t mix well together. Strikes three, four, and five.
After I was done vomiting up a storm, I ended up falling asleep on the bathroom floor. I slept like someone who hasn’t seen their bed in a week…and in this case my bed was the hard, tiled floor of the throne room. Lucky for me, I dressed myself like I was getting ready for a trek in the snow when I got into my pajamas so at least I was warm. Drunky Sarah thought that a thick sleep shirt, sweatpants, and a hoodie were an absolute must and I guess it was, considering all of the material provided me with some cushioning! I woke up in the bathroom this morning from my sister walking in to get ready for work. She said, “Sarah, what are you doing in here?” To which I mumbled back, “I don’t know, I guess I fell asleep” and stumbled off to my bed to sleep some more.
Here’s the breakdown of my wastey pants night by numbers:
- At least 9 shots of vodka
- 1 glass of wine
- 8 coconut fudge cookies
- 5 instances of puking my brains out
- 1 floral print pair of sweatpants matched with 1 striped hoodie (A perfect combo, obvs.)
- 2 broken nails (Don’t ask me how, I couldn’t tell ya.)
- 7 hours of sleep
- 1 bathroom floor
Honestly, the entire night was simply hilarious to me and even my parents had a good laugh about it – which was shocking. I’m just so thankful that I was white girl wasted in the comfort and safety of my own home. Usually I’m not one to discuss my drunken escapades in such vivid detail on here…But when you wake up on your bathroom floor, something needs to be said! Welcome to the world of a freshly turned twenty-one year old. (My mom said today, “Sarah, I think you’re like a little kid with a new toy with your drinking legality.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.)
I hope that all of you are having a great day so far! What’s everyone up to for the remainder of the weekend? Any fun plans? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah