Hello my sweets! One thing that I have struggled with all of my life is setting boundaries for myself. Although I wasn’t a fan of the therapist who I was seeing, this is something that she encouraged and I agree. Living a boundary free life and being a constant yes man is only going to lead to your own demise. For me, this came in the form of massive burnout, poor mental health, and bottom of the barrel self worth and esteem. I am trying to be better at establishing boundaries and sticking to them and here is what I have been working on:

Learning To Say No:

Saying “no” is one of the hardest things for me – especially when someone needs my help. This saying is cliche, but it really is true – you can’t help others until you help yourself. One of the things that I need to work on is re-framing my thoughts because I can’t help but feel like a bad person when I say no. My mantra when I am getting in my feels about it is “You are not a bad person. You are a good person. Your boundaries are appropriate.” It is something that I am constantly reminding myself of and, with time, I am hopeful that my thought patterns will change.

Do What You Can:

My uncle gave me some advice that I really liked when discussing boundaries with him. He said what helps him is to say “Well, I can’t do this BUT I can do that”. I like this because it puts me in control of the situation and what I am willing to give. It’s also a nice reminder that I can’t do everything but I can do something and that is a comforting place to be. I will definitely be utilizing this pro tip and it feels good to have a technique that is so simple, but effective.

Have A Support Team:

My aunt and uncle have been an amazing support team for me and we talk on the phone frequently. When I told them that boundaries are something I’m making an effort to work on, they were so proud and it made me feel proud too. Setting boundaries can feel like a bad thing to me and it was uplifting to hear that it really is a great thing. Hearing my aunt say “you go, girl” when I was telling her about a text I sent was motivating because it let me know I am on the right track. When you are making a change in your life, you need people in your corner and I am so thankful I have that.

Hold Yourself Accountable:

Setting boundaries is a brand new thing to me and I understand that I need to hold myself accountable. In other words, I can’t just talk the talk but I need to walk the walk too. Wanting to change and actually changing are two completely different things. As I work on this new goal, I know that I need to keep myself in check. I can do this by checking in with my support squad and standing firm with my boundaries. And, yes, standing firm with these boundaries even if they are not respected. It will be hard, but no one ever said a big change is easy!

I am working really hard on myself and I am proud to be doing this for me. I try to be very honest with all of you about my mental health and, honestly, it has been hanging on by a thread. I am looking forward to feeling better and I can’t wait to meet my new therapist so we can work on boundary setting even more!

How do you set boundaries for yourself? What is something that you struggle with? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah