Tag Archives: UGH

May25

Monday Update: Mehhh Edition

Posted on by
Standard
Monday Update: Mehhh Edition

Heyyy everyone and happy Memorial Day! (Warning: This post contains references to eating disorders – if that makes you uncomfortable feel free not to read!)

So I’ve been having an admittedly rough time with food lately. I’ve been restricting a lot and the worst part is, is that it doesn’t really bother me…which isn’t good at all. It’s so bad how it’s almost fun to me to see how long I can go without having a bite to eat. During the day I’ll drink at least one glass of a beverage with calories in it like lemonade or orange juice so I can get some sugar in me, but other than that I feel like I’ve put myself back on the “no meal a day” diet – along with a lot of cigarettes. I feel like this struggle would bother me a lot more if I wasn’t seeing visible physical changes every day that I go without food…more prominent collarbones, protruding hip bones – I straight up revel in the pleasure I get from looking in the mirror and seeing something other than fat. During my years of being bulimic, I always told myself that I could never dabble in anorexic behaviors because I didn’t have the will power to do it. But now that I have achieved going days in a row without eating it’s almost like I’ve gained a new skill which is weirdly exciting to me. I remember when the celebrity Meghan Trainer got a lot of backlash for saying that she wasn’t “strong enough” to be anorexic – and she’s right…it’s not a weak mans disorder, so the fact that I have the mental strength that some people just don’t have makes me feel good. Yesterday when I got home in the evening I told myself I would eat, but the thought of eating was disgusting to me and I lost my appetite. I’m one of those people who physically can’t eat if I’m not hungry – I just can’t do it, so when I got home and my appetite was completely gone, I saw no point in making myself eat. Anorexia was always an appealing disorder to me during my extreme cutting and bulimic stages because it was something that no one else would really notice. Losing weight is a good thing to most people, so the disorder could go unrecognized as opposed to the obvious slashed wrists or retching in the bathroom. You guys are probably reading this and thinking about how “crazy” I am and yada yada yada – and I know I’m not making the best choices for myself…But unfortunately, I find joy in these poor decisions which makes it even harder to stop. I know I keep saying that I should go to therapy, but it’s just so unappealing to me. I’m not interested in digging up my past for the millionth time with a different therapist out of the countless ones that I’ve seen before. It really is a cycle of complete misfortune, jumping from one method of self harm to the next – but I just haven’t the faintest idea on what to do when I feel like nothing but beating myself up makes me feel better. Ugh, sorry guys that was so heavy but I really needed to vent…I always find it easy to be super open with my thoughts, struggles, and the way I’m feeling – but it was especially easy typing this considering my iTunes has been playing the most emo music in my collection on shuffle for the past half hour. Lol, shameful.

-____________-

I hope all of you guys are having a fabulous Memorial Day! Do you have any exciting plans for the day? How was everyone’s weekend? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Apr6

Bad Day Vent Session

Posted on by
Standard
Bad Day Vent Session

Whatsup crew. I don’t know about you guys, but my Monday fucking sucked. I’m still sick as can be and I’ve had to break out the Lil Red sassafras on two different assholes today, so yeah, I’m not happy. I’m not going to go into great detail about the two gentlemen who I had to stick it to, but I will say that Operation One Strike You’re Out (#OOSYO) was in full force, which I was sort of proud about. It’s like, if I wasn’t sick and irritable as all get out, I wouldn’t be so annoyed by the situation. But unfortunately, people breathing too loudly has pissed me off during my sickness stint – so imagine how two evil men being stupid made me feel…yeah, not pretty. I don’t wish to discuss the one guy, but here’s the story about the other in a nutshell:

SO this bloke who I’ve known for a very long time and who I’ve been somewhat romantically involved in (but not recently in the slightest) got in touch with me this afternoon. He went on to tell me this sob story about how his apparent dream girl cheated on him and asked if I could help send him some positivity. BOO FUCKING HOO. I mean seriously? Does this dude honestly think I want to hear about the girl who has “never made him feel this way before”? Like sorry I couldn’t do that for you when we were talking. THEN, he texted me again this evening telling me about how his use of booze and recreational drugs isn’t helping him feel better. That’s when I told him off. 1) I’m not going to be your shoulder to cry on when we haven’t spoken in ages and when you’re talking about a girl who isn’t me. 2) It is NOT my responsibility to make you feel better and to hear about your dumbass decisions. I straight up told him “do not put that on me.” Sorry not sorry, but I have a million problems of my own, the last thing I want to hear about is some woe is me tale from someone I haven’t been in touch with for months. Jesus Christ.

*Deep breaths* Okay, vent over. Cue the music!

Alright, I really needed to get all of that off my chest, and now it’s off to bed. I hope all of you had a much better day than mine! Where are my fans of The Following at? How did you feel about tonight’s new episode? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -A very angry, upset, annoyed, irritated, sick Sarah

PS: Happy happy birthday to my darling daddy! I love you so much! ❤ (Even though you hate your birthday!) :))))

Mar16

Monday Update: Back To School -__-

Posted on by
Standard
Monday Update: Back To School -__-

Hello one and all and Happy Monday! I had a beautiful spring break last week, but all good things must come to an end, and now I’m back to the usual Tri-C grind. -___- Honestly, this semester has been wicked annoying because I hate all of my classes. As a reminder, I’m taking Beginning Algebra I, College Composition II, and General Psychology. You all should know by now that I hate math, but I shockingly have an A in the class, so snaps for me! I actually dislike my College Comp class the most out of everything I’m taking – which is weird because one would think that it would be my favorite. But alas, I completely hate that class. Yes, it’s writing, but it’s very proper writing and super research based which really isn’t my thing. I’m all about creative writing and just letting things flow, so when my creativity is hindered by guidelines and right and wrong I instantly become super uninterested. It’s not like I’m doing poorly in the class or anything, I have an A, but it just bores me to no end. Writing is something that I don’t try very hard in and the class doesn’t really challenge me, so I suppose that’s why I’m genuinely more interested in my math class. At least in my math course I’m actually thinking really hard and I feel like I’m learning something. I have a sense of accomplishment when I do well in math, therefore I actually like doing the homework. In Comp, it’s more of a do the work and get the grade type of feel, which I’m not really into. My General Psychology course is pretty easy, I’m taking it online, so I basically just read the book, take the tests, and call it a day. And surprise! I have an A in that class too! Killin it!! I’m definitely pleased with my triple A grades, but I’m sooo ready for this semester to be over! The spring semester ends on May fourth, so it won’t be too long!! Then I’ll have an almost three week vacation before I start my summer courses, so that should be fabulous. I changed up my class lineup a bit for the summer, because I actually want to enjoy my break! So I dropped the history class that I originally planned on taking and will now just be doing Beginning Algebra II, Intro to Sociology, and Social Psychology. I’m not particularly thrilled about summer classes, but it will be good to get them out of the way now so I don’t have to worry about it later. And only taking three fast paced classes will still give me plenty of time for adventures and hangouts with my friends! AND as an extra special bonus, it FINALLY feels like spring in good ol’ Akron, Ohio! Hurray!!! The temperature has been in the forties and fifties and it’s been glorious. All of the snow that was heavily blanketing the city has melted away revealing green grass – a luxury that we haven’t seen in months! The mild weather has allowed me to break out my lighter jackets, maxi dresses and skirts, and (this is the best part) A PAIR OF SHORTS! I never thought my pasty pale legs would live to see the day outside of my skinny jeans after this awful winter – but lo and behold, I was able to break out a pair of sunflower printed shorts this past weekend and it was absolutely beautiful! Of course with the warmer weather coming on strong, this means I’ll have to shave my legs more often. -___- But I guess that’s just a small price to pay for some sunshine!

truee

Welp, I’m off to go get some more school work done, #fml. I hope you all have a fabulous rest of your day! Where are all of my fans of The Following at? How excited are you for tonight’s new episode? How do you feel about season three so far? I want to hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Feb23

Monday Update – Annoyed Edition -___-

Posted on by
Standard
Monday Update – Annoyed Edition -___-

Guyyyyyyyyyys. I’m. So. ANNOYED!!!! But before I talk about the sources of my annoyances, let’s talk about the good things that these past few days have brought! My big bro Peter was home from Tuesday until Sunday before he returned back to Madison, Wisconsin. We had a fantastic time hanging out, I missed him so much! I treasured all of my time spent with him, from playing Mario Kart drink and drive, watching The Ladies Man, annihilating in some Diablo II, to just chilling and bro talking – it was all beautiful. Fingers crossed that he can come home again soon! 🙂 Alright, what else? Oh! I’m getting a new tattoo this week! I’m not going to say exactly what it is, but I can tell you it will be themed from my favorite book in the entire world, The Little Prince. So make sure you keep checking in with me this week, because I’ll for sure be posting pictures of it once it’s all done! Exciting stuff. And can we please just talk about the Oscars for a hot minute? *Kisses fingers* Mwah. To die for. I enjoyed everything about last nights spectacle – the fashion, the performances, and most importantly the appreciation I had for all of the wonderful craftsmen and women being honored at the awards. Unfortunately, I’ve been slacking severely this year as far as watching the Oscar nominated films goes – I’ve only seen three. (Unbroken, American Sniper, and The Grand Budapest Hotel which I actually just watched today and absolutely adored. C’est magnifique.) However, I plan on watching all of the films as soon as I can get my hands on them either at the library or the video store. I’m particularly excited to see Birdman and Whiplash, but everything looks so good! The Foxcatcher, The Imitation Game, The Theory of Everything, Boyhood, Still Alice, and Ida are all on my must watch list as well! (Make sure you leave me a comment on how you feel about any of these movies – but no spoilers please!!)

Now, onto the annoying stuff….my freaking laptop that I do all of my school work and blogging on is broken – which is just dandy considering a majority of my college classes are taken online. I’m currently using one of my moms old work laptops to write this, but unfortunately it can’t run my school software very well, so I had to spend four plus hours at the local library today to do my school work. It’s not like it’s a huge deal or anything, but it was so nice to be able to work from the comfort of my home (hello no pants!) or Starbucks. And the computers at the library suck major ass, so I had to spend a lot of time today waiting for things to load or reload because I got kicked off of the servers so many times. By the time I left the library I was on the verge of tearing my hair out and proceeded to chain smoke and swear the entire way home. As soon as I got home today, I knew that I needed a break to cool my jets, so I decided that this afternoon would be the perfect time to finally watch The Grand Budapest Hotel. I loved it too much and it definitely helped get a smile back on my face for the rest of the day. Fair warning, you guys are gonna hear a lot of me being annoyed this next month, because that’s how long it’s going to take for my laptop to be fixed, but just bear with me cause god knows mama’s gonna need to vent. It’s given me quite a bit of stress this past weekend because of how much my school work depends on that damn piece of technology – so fingers crossed the problem can be solved promptly and I’ll have my laptop back in no time. Le sigh.

^^^ Today definitely calls for my happy time music. While I was working at the library today I had all of my U2 albums on shuffle on my iPod and it definitely made my work fest tolerable at the very least. THANKS BONO, YA STUD!!! ❤

Alright crew, there you have it, Lil Red’s Monday Update. What did you guys think of the Oscars? Who got snubbed? Who looked a hot wreck? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much Love. -A Very Annoyed Sarah