Heyyyyyyyyy. So last night I was reading through my psychology book for school, and the statement “misery loves company” was discussed. Well I don’t know about you guys, but that phrase couldn’t be any less true for me. I’ve had a rough past few days, and honestly I’ve just wanted to be alone. Sometimes you really just need to lay in your bed, listen to some angry music, cry if need be, and keep to yourself. I know I wrote yesterday that I just need one more day of being bummed out, but apparently that was a lie – so just bear with me for one more day of being pissy and then I promise I’ll be back to normal!! You have the Lil Red Guarantee. Anyways, while reading through my psych text book, I began thinking more in depth about my feelings and the way I handle them and blah, blah, blah. I came to the realization that I would rather be upset from things that I’ve caused myself then be upset by an issue with another person. When I held myself accountable for this truth, it all just made so much sense. For as long as I can remember, I’ve pushed people away who have upset me in the slightest, and it’s not healthy at all but it’s just how I’ve always been. In terms of my self harm/bulimia when it happens on a rare occasion, I’d rather myself be doing it because of me – rather than someone else making me upset. Does that make sense? Let me see if I can word it better… I guess it comes down to control. I’d rather be in control of all of my emotions – the good, the bad, and the ugly (which happens to be a great Clint Eastwood film 😉 ) as opposed to having someone bring those feelings onto me. It’s such a foreign thing for me, to have someone else make me feel really really happy or like complete shit. I probably sound like such an introvert right now, but the funny thing is is that I’m one of the most outgoing and fun loving people I know. I suppose it’s when I’m left with just myself that things become different. It’s no secret that I haven’t always loved myself as much as I could have. It’s also no secret that on occasion I’m very unhappy with who I am as a person. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve had people tell me that they wish I could see myself through their eyes and whatnot, and I wish I could too. But until the moment comes when I’m 100% happy with myself I have to continue to strive for improvement. There’s a lot of things that I can work on, like letting people in even if it’s scary and ending self destructive thought patterns. Saying that I’m my own worst critic is an understatement – I can be such a bitch to myself. Think back to my New Years Resolutions post when I said that I need to work on being my own best friend…unfortunately that resolution isn’t going too hot right now, so I need to get back on the horse and try again. If at first you don’t succeed – try again and whatever, right? So here I am now, drinking coffee from my beloved red mug and thinking about what I can do to get this improvement party started. I guess I can begin with writing some positive affirmations down somewhere where I can see them, like in my school planner and notebook. I can do something nice for myself, which I will be doing this Thursday when I can my nails done – HOLLA because they’re looking a hot ass wreck. I can work on turning my negative thoughts around, no matter how much I don’t believe it. Fake it till you make it, right? It would be nice to think “you’re a fucking rock star” as opposed to “you’re a fucking loser” for a change. So what am I waiting for? Let’s do this. Operation “Be My Own Best Friend” AKA BMOBF is a go once again. Wish me luck!

Alright guys, mama needs some help getting hyped for this new challenge. So what I need from you is to leave me something that gets you hyped up in my comments. This can be a book, song, movie, piece of art – anything that gets you amped. I wanna hear from all of you so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah