Tag Archives: anxiety

Jul23

If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy Edition

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If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy Edition

Helloooo everyone and welcome to another edition of If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy style!! My brother is getting married this Saturday so it only seemed right to write about the heels that I’ll be wearing for the big day! Take a look at some pics and then let’s discuss:

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^^^ Ugh. So in love!

My big bro got engaged a year ago and everyone was simply thrilled. A month or so after the engagement announcement an approximate date of when the wedding would be was told to my family. I kid you not, as soon as I found out that the wedding was a go I immediately began shopping for the perfect ensemble. Thanks to ModCloth I scored a gorgeous floral dress (as seen in the PicStitch photo) and my Mojo Moxy bootie heels. I ordered my outfit the day I found it and my dress and shoes have been waiting patiently in my closet for almost an entire year. I haven’t worn either of them and the anticipation to break out a brand new look is killing me! Waiting to wear the dress hasn’t been so hard but not wearing the shoes has been TORTURE! As soon as I get a new addition to my shoe collection I wear them ASAP. I honestly can’t believe the self control that I’ve had to not break these beauty booties out…And neither can my family and friends for that matter!

I wanted my look for the wedding to be unique but I didn’t want it to be an “everyone look at me” ensemble. My goal was to take a classic wedding staple like a floral dress and give it a modern spin. I think my purchases achieved this beautifully! What I love about the dress is that it’s a fresh take on a floral print because the colors are so rich as opposed to the usual pastels. In all honesty though, I was more concerned about the shoes than anything! I knew that my heels had to match my dress to the T to form a cohesive look so it was definitely a fashion life or death situation to find the winning pair!

When I order items off of ModCloth, I want it to be pieces that I know for a fact I won’t find anything similar to while I’m out shopping. A lot of the shoes I browsed through looked like things that I could find during a trip to the mall or Goodwill – until I laid eyes on my Mojo Moxys! I had never seen anything like these babies before and I had nothing that even came close to them in my personal collection. From the velvet laces to the tulip shape, I knew that these heels were “the one”. I’m sure the feelings that I have for these bad boys are very similar to how my brother feels for his fiance! The passionate yearning that I felt for these heels deep down in my loins was enough to make me stop my shoe search and place the order for the Mojo Moxys and my dress right then and there.

The week of waiting for my ModCloth delivery felt like an eternity…And then finally, my purchases arrived. I can’t even begin to tell you what it was like to open my ModCloth package to inspect the possible outfit that I would be wearing to my big brother’s wedding! Hello, anxiety! All I wanted was for the pieces to be perfect – is that so much to ask for? I ripped open the plastic to the dress and it was stunning! I pulled off the lid to the shoe box and…Navy blue?? DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!

“Navy blue,” I thought to myself frantically, “NAVY FUCKING BLUE?!” Clearly, I was somewhat freaking out – but I just couldn’t help it! The thing about these heels is that I thought they were black as I placed my order. I was banking on them being black so that they would match the base color of my dress. The color quality on the ModCloth picture was not that great, so it definitely came as a bit of a shock when I got to see my shoe babies in real life. I was so excited about these heels and it was kind of devastating to open the lid of the box and not see jet black…Deep breaths Sarah, deep breaths.

I cooled my overheated fashion engine and took a closer look at my purchases. As I looked over the dress again, I breathed a HUGE sigh of relief. Amongst all of the lovely flowers that adorn my dress, there happens to be some blooms that are NAVY FUCKING BLUE. I let out a squeal of delight, stripped off my clothes, and slipped my dress on. Then, I pulled out all of the paper stuffing the heels and put them on as well. I ran to the bathroom and squeezed my eyes shut before I took a look at the finished product in the mirror…And it was perfection. ❤

So there you have it, the dramatic saga of If The Shoe Fits – Mojo Moxy Edition. I hope all of you enjoyed reading this post just as much as I did writing it! So now I need your help…What shoes should I write about next? Your choices are between army green Guess summer heels, Vera Wang black lace up wedges, or Calico primary color kitten heels. I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Jul14

Sarah’s Sanity Update: Volume 2

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Sarah’s Sanity Update: Volume 2

Helloooo everyone and happy Tuesday! I hope all of you are having a great start to your week. I’m doing okay, in case you were wondering. This past week or so I’ve been stuck in this horrible rut of falling just below average as far as how I’m feeling goes. This sub-par cycle that I’ve been in sucks ass…It’s honestly more annoying than anything. Let’s discuss. (Warning: This post contains references to self harm and eating disorders. If that makes you uncomfortable, feel free not to read!)

^^^ It seemed appropriate since we’re going with a Britney motif this post!

So yes, it’s been an annoying week. I’m quite shocked that I’m feeling so blah because when I went to my psychiatrist at the beginning of the month she doubled my dose of Effexor. Now I’m on a considerably high amount and I still don’t feel much of a difference. I suppose in the mornings when I first take my pill I feel pretty good but then by the time late afternoon rolls around I’m ready to throw in the towel for the day. What sucks about these random weeks of feeling shitty is that when I start feeling upset is when I start getting all of these persistent urges to cut or purge…Don’t worry, I haven’t – but it’s SO hard not to. It’s really fucking exhausting, actually. Can you imagine going through the day with thoughts of self harm constantly swarming around your mind like flies? Welcome to my world.

The frustration that comes with this is what bothers me the most because I rarely do succumb to my temptations but they’re always there in the back of my mind no matter what. It seriously feels like a damned if I do and damned if I don’t situation. I mean, I always feel a sense of guilt after the euphoria of a self harm incident but not doing it brings me these insufferable weeks in which self harm is all I think about. I’m so glad that I built up my willpower by going months on end without an incident because if not I would be royally fucked on weeks like this. I feel like my mind is going a million miles a minute and all the while I’m running around like a mad woman trying to keep myself occupied so I can keep my thoughts at bay…It’s no wonder why I’m exhausted.

I know that I should probably go to therapy to help me cope better with my urges but I have this stupid stubborn mindset that if I’m not indulging then I’m okay. My old psychiatrist used to get on me like no other to see a therapist and I always told her that I would, but then I would end up convincing myself that I was fine. I hate admitting that I need help more than anything. I feel like when I start showing signs of instability at home is when I start getting babied and monitored and I despise that. Now when I’m having a hard time I just try to do my best at covering it up. Because I’m such a hard-headed little brat I probably won’t be going to therapy anytime soon but I’m so thankful that I have my blog to express how I’m feeling. I always feel a lot better after a good writing session so thanks for letting me vent!

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Well I must be getting back to the ol’ Tri-C grind so I will talk to you all later! Until then, is anyone experiencing something similar to what I’m going through right now? If so, what are some of the coping skills that you utilize? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much love. -Sarah

Sep13

Stressin and depressin

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So, to start off with: hey! My name is Sarah, aka Lil Red to my friends and coworkers because of my bright red hair and lipstick. I’ve been told by lots of people to start a blog because of my unique fashion sense, quirky sense of humor, and flawless taste in music. So I guess it’s unfortunate that none of that will be showcased in my first entry because I’m straight bummin. I used to turn to writing in my journal to help me with my depression and anxiety, so I guess it’s kind of nice to have a journal in the palm of my hand. I’ll tell you what, lovely readers: mental health is no joke. You think you’re okay and over past issues which I’m sure I’ll delve into later, but it only takes a few things to fuck all of that up and have a quote unquote “downward spiral”. I haven’t felt this shitty in a while, so it really does feel good to write. Yay for being vague, but maybe that will keep you guys on your toes and keep on coming back to read my random thoughts, inner monologues, outfits of the day, who I’m bumpin on my iPod, and the list goes on. So let’s end this with a question. My own personal question to you…What makes you happy? I’m gonna try and remind myself of things that make me happy with every blog entry. So for my first entry, I’ll tell all of you that I find happiness in my older sister, Kristen. No one understands me like her. It’s nice to have a bond that only sisters will understand. I’m fortunate to have someone who brings me infinite happiness only ten feet away from me at home. Let’s get hyped guys, let’s do this. Take a blog journey with me, and I promise I won’t bore you. Who knows, maybe with every entry you’ll get to know me a little bit better, which would put all of us in the same boat, considering I barely even know myself anymore. Love and good thoughts -Sarah

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