Hey hey guys. Alright: Valentine’s Day is just around the corner – so take a deep breath and allow me to be the voice of reason to those of you who aren’t doing a damn thing tomorrow….because I’m right there with you! Here’s a few things for you to remember before you binge eat seven boxes of chocolate and let the water works flow free while you watch The Notebook for the ninety-second time:

1) You’ve been single every day this year….Valentine’s Day is no different!

^^ A little harsh, Grumpy Cat…but you get the point. I get so annoyed by the whiny people who are desperate for a Valentine. Riddle me this: Do you really want a date for one night with some equally desperate sleazeball who’s probably more concerned about having sex than anything else? The answer is no, you don’t! And if you get approached by one of these said sleazeballs, flip your gorgeous mane of hair and walk away. STORY TIME! So I don’t know if you guys remember when I told you about that pathetic excuse of a man who broke up with me via Facebook, but he got in touch with me this week. (#ew) He suggested we go see a movie – I suggested he go fuck himself. Moral of the story: I could have easily said he should take me out on a Valentine’s Day date this weekend but I have standards. AND I hate him! In other words, don’t let your standards drop for one night of frivolity.

2) Valentine’s Day can be just as fun without a significant other – hello Galentine’s Day!:

I LOVE Galentine’s Day! Me and my beloved best friend Kate will be having our G-Day festivities tonight and it should be a beautiful time! What are we gonna do? I honestly have no idea, actually. Probably shovel bread sticks from the Olive Garden into our pie holes at a record speed, get wine drunk, and go see 50 Shades of Grey. Note: We absolutely will be wine drunk at the movie theater, and I am SO okay with this. Who needs a date night with a guy when you can have a date night with your best girl friend? Long live Galentine’s Day!!!!

3) If I knew you….I would date you:

That’s right, you heard me. If I knew all of you fabulous readers, I would take you on the hottest date imaginable. So if you’re lonely and feeling down and out tomorrow, do me a solid and just think about me. I can guarantee you that I’m going to be having just as shitty of a time so send me the good vibes and I’ll send them right back your way. To prove just how serious I am, let me spit a little poetry at ya:

Roses are red. Violets are blue. When I see dat ass…I don’t know what to do. 😉

Still don’t believe my sincerity? Then I also dedicate this thought provoking poem from one of my personal favorites “The Ladies Man” to you:

DOES NOT THE WIND LOVE THE DIRT?!!? Inspiring.

Alright guys, I’m peacing out but I just wanna let you know that you’re all gorgeous, fabulous, and fine as hell. Have a splendid Valentine’s Day doing whatever it is that you do. If you’re having a lovely candle lit dinner with your lover, think about me doing nothing tomorrow. If you’re laying in bed surrounded by used Kleenex and a half empty bottle of wine…think about me doing nothing tomorrow. What’s everyone up to for V-Day? Do you have any stories of a Valentine’s Day gone wrong? What was the best V-Day gift you ever received? I wanna hear from all of you, so leave me a comment and let’s chat! Much Love. -The very single Sarah ❤

^^Thanks, Beyonce.